Akon’s is never going to learn his lesson! In 2007, his dumb ass got in trouble for getting a little too hot with a preacher’s 15-year-old daughter during one of his shows. Last June, the stupid fuck threw one of his fans off stage during a concert in New York. He’s facing criminal charges for that shit.

This past weekend in South America, Akon struck again. “Struck” being the key word. During his show, he decided to crowd surf to a camera stand in the middle of the audience. When he got there, one of his fans started grabbing at him. Akon must have not liked that shit, because he smacked her in the face and she went down. Smack that. Literally.

You have to be on a suicide mission to go to an Akon concert. You couldn’t pay me. Okay, yes you could, but you would also have to provide me with a full suit of armor, a 4 leaf clover and The A-Team.

Source VIA ONTD

I’m all for a little bit of stubble, but Brandon Walsh has a straight up pubic forest on his face. His face looks like the bottom of a bikini waxer’s trash can. There’s enough hair on his face to cover half of Hollywood’s bare crotches.

That hairy mess looks like it’s too much work. I already have to worry about maintaining the hair on my head and on my private situations. I can only imagine having to shampoo, condition, comb and flat-iron hair on my face. No thanks.

Anyhairy, Jason Priestly and Tiffani Thiessen showed up to the Nike and Human Race event in Los Angeles this past weekend. Jason was asked about his possible return to “90210.” Basically, it’s not going to happen anytime soon. He said: “Am I looking forward to it? Er, I’m intrigued by it. I think, like, I’m intrigued by it, sure.” Finally, he was asked if he wants to return. He replied: “Er, not really no.”

Listen. The last thing Jason wants to do is run around Beverly Hills with a bunch of twatty boppers. He would rather be up in the mountains, catching trout with his teeth and wrestling bears for their berries!

Time to put our “uncomfortable” caps on and hold hands! Helen Mirren is talking about date rape.

In the new issue of GQ Magazine (via Telegraph), Helen admits that she was date-raped a couple of times when she was younger. She said they never hit her, but she was locked in a room and forced to have sex. She never said “no,” because she was too naive back then. Helen also never reported the incidents to the police. She said, “No, you couldn’t do that in those days. It’s such a tricky area, isn’t it? Especially if there is no violence. I mean, look at Mike Tyson. I don’t think he was a rapist.” Mike Tyson thanks you for that comment, Helen.

Helen said that if a woman takes a dude to bed, gets naked, and then tells him “no” at the last second and he ignores her, it’s rape. But she went on to say, “I don’t think she can have that man into court under those circumstances. I guess it is one of the many subtle parts of the men/women relationship that has to be negotiated and worked out between them.” Negotiate?! Like over milk and cookies?

Gulp. This talk about date rape makes my nails sweat. Someone pass me a glass of water. I just got an uncomfortable lump in my throat. In the meantime, someone show Helen a PSA on date rape. NO MEANS NO!

In the interview, Helen also talked about coke! Now that I can handle. She said she used to adore coke. She said, “I loved coke. I never did a lot, just a little bit at parties.” She said she stopped doing it in the 80s when Klaus Barbie was found living off of a cocaine baron in South America. “I saw how my little sniff of cocaine at a party had an absolute direct route to this … horrible man in South America.”

Yes, Helen. Talk more about cocaine and less about date rape.

I have to write this really fucking fast, because I want to catch the next dingy to Austria! You see, Dreamboat Doherty is going to premiere one his crackie home movies at a porn theater in Graz, Austria. Dreamy’s friend said that some of his movie is “very revealing.”

The theater’s owner said that Dreamy’s private footage will be screened tonight. I’d like to privately screen Dreamy’s footage, if I ain’t being too subtle! I’m sure I would lose my tongue on contact, but that’s ok. Sometimes your tongue just gets in the way of really going to town. Besides, I’ll have a valid excuse when I say to a stranger, “Hey mith! I ike your puss.”

The theater owner said, “It is private material from Pete Doherty that he filmed by himself. He said he wanted to show it. I have no idea what is in it though or how long it is. It will be a surprise.” Oh, I can imagine how long it is… Wait, does he even have one anymore? Or did the crack eat it off? That’s ok. I’ll suck on the stump.

It’s unclear whether or not Dreamy is going to show up. Who knows with that crackhead. The theater will also provide barf bags, industrial strength eye bleach, towelettes provided by Hazmat and steel blindfolds.

Source

Last week, Donald Trump’s wrinkly ass announced to the world that he was going to save Ed McMahon’s pepaw kingdom by buying it and leasing it back to him. Ed was only days of away from losing his house. Well, as usual, Donald was talking out of his toupee. Somebody did buy Ed’s house but it wasn’t Donald. Ed’s realtor told TMZ that Donald was outbid by a private buyer. Donald didn’t even bother submitting another bid.

The private buyer placed the offer after Donald already got all the attention. The Donald issued this statement: “Blah…Blah…Blah…Rosie is a fat slob.”

No, he said: “The other buyer has signed a purchase agreement….subject to many contingencies including but not limited to a mortgage contingency. Mr. Trump clearly would not need a mortgage and would be capable of closing this transaction immediately. If the other buyer should be successful in this bid, Mr. Trump truly hopes that they do the right thing by Ed McMahon and not have this 85-year-old American icon removed from the property.”

According to The Associated Press, Ed will have to move out of the house, because the buyer plans to live there. Watch out Shady Pines! Here comes Ed!

Donald Trump should have kept his dehydrated worm lips shut until after the deal closed. But of course he wanted to bask in the glory of saving one of America’s beloved pepaws! And Pepaw Ed needs to shred his wifey’s credit cards and then send the bitch to Suze Orman.

Mr. Obama has chosen Mr. Biden as his main homey. Obama/Biden ’08! We’ll just call them BamBi! I like BamBi! They can call me Thumper! BamBi ’08!!!

Anyway, when I first read that Mr. Biden was in, I immediately googled his wife! That’s all I really care about. Michelle Obama is lovely, but I want some over-the-top glamour in the White House! Unfortunately, I’m not getting that from Jill Tracy Biden, Joe’s wife. She needs a Shauna Sand makeover. Nothing says “wife of the vice president” like a pair of exquisite lucite heels and candy pink lip gloss. That’s basically all she needs and she’ll be ready to go. Cindy McCain is a ruthless and cruel she-devil so Michelle and Jill must come prepared. Exquisite lucite heels are not only the epitome of elegance and glamour, but they are also a formidable weapon against pill-popping ice queens!

I also checked to see if Joe has any party girl daughters. He doesn’t, but his daughter Ashley (pictured below) is a known criminal! Okay, not really. Back in 2002, someone threw a bottle at a police officer outside of a bar in Chicago. When the officer went to deal with the bottle thrower, Ashley stopped the cop and said a bunch of shit to him. She was arrested, but the charge was later dropped after she apologized. BORING!!!! Give me some real shit!

Enough talk about these political hos! Politics gives me the runs. Below, I’ve also posted a picture of Joe’s semi-hot son Beau Biden. He’s also some politician-like person. I’d hit it.