Earlier this week, Andrew Lloyd Webber announced that he’s about to go to battle with prostate cancer, and now Dennis Hopper is basically echoing the same statement. A manager for 73-year-old Dennis tells the AP that he’s been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Dennis is currently undergoing a special treatment at the University of California, so all of his work commitments have been put on pause.

Dennis just finished work on the second season of the Starz series Crash and he was supposed to fly over to Australia this week to attend an exhibition of his art at the Centre for the Moving Image in Melbourne. Of course, that’s been canceled now.

Dennis’ manager said that he was hospitalized last month after he got a case of the thirsties and his stomach wouldn’t stop acting like a real asshole. His manager added that everyone is hoping for the best, but he wouldn’t exactly say what Dennis’ current condition is.

Send a good thought or two Dennis’ way. It’s best if the thought is delivered by a fluffy kitten with a bow on its ear.

This is just the saddest. Shiloh Pepin, who was born with a rare condition often called “mermaid syndrome,” swam off to the big ocean in the sky yesterday afternoon. Shiloh was only 10 years-old.

The Associated Press says Shiloh checked into the Maine Medical Center last week and was hospitalized in critical condition.

Shiloh was born with both of her legs fused together. Shiloh had no colon or genital organs, and only one partially working kidney. Usually, children born with sirenomelia get their legs surgically separated, but Shiloh never did because blood vessels in her circulatory system would have been cut.

Shiloh appeared on Oprah just last month where she talked openly about her condition. Shiloh even threw Oprah a few “O, please” faces whenever she was asked some dumb questions. Those of you that have seen the documentaries about her on the Discovery know that she really loved life and didn’t take any shit.

May Shiloh rest in peace.

Full House’s Jodie Sweetin has a new book out called “Unsweetined” (I guess “How Rooood” was already taken), which chronicles her road from child star to crackhouse resident. To promote the book, Jodie spent a little time with UsWeekly to basically tell them all the weird places she got fucked up at. The interview reads like a food journal for junkies! Or like the average Dlisted reader’s diary entry. This is what I’m talking about:

Jodie on getting the drunk barfs at Candace Cameron’s wedding:
“I probably had two bottles of wine, and I was only 14. That first drink gave me the self confidence I had been searching for my whole life. But that set the pattern of the kind of drinking that I would do.”

Jodie on driving drunk while her baby daughter was in the car:
“That was the big rock bottom. I had two glasses of wine and drove with her in the car. I not only put myself in danger, but also my daughter, who I loved more than anything. I felt terrible.”

Jodie on claiming to be sober on GMA even though she was fucked up:
“I was selfish, self-serving, insecure, angry and fearful person living a double life. I covered up my problems by pretending to be happy and saying that everything was fine.”

Jodie on doing meth in the bathroom at the premiere of the Olsen Troll’s movie New York Minute:
“I was pulling off the deceit. It was hard for people to believe I was doing that much drugs. I look at photos from that event, and I didn’t even look strung out!”

In Jodie’s defense, anybody who sat through New York Minute wishes they had given themselves a meth-enema before they watched it. And I’m guessing Kirk Cameron was at Candace’s wedding, so that explains why she swallowed 2 bottles of the sweet nectar. Yes, my real name is Michael “Enabler” Kay Kae.

We’ve all watched Alien Princess RiRi drag her hair down the road to fuckery, but it’s about time that an honest bitch in her life takes her hand and says, “Release that creature on your head back into the wild. Let it run towards its people!!!!” I mean, I thought I knew what was on RiRi’s head, but now I have no idea! It’s like a rat/cockatoo hybrid (a rat-a-too!) that fell out of Predator’s asshole.

Does RiRi really want to look like Larry King after an electrical storm?

Somebody must do something! By somebody, I mean the ASPCA.

Here’s RiRi’s hair in various states of fugness as she arrives and leaves a photo studio in NYC yesterday.

Both People and UsWeekly are saying that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have reunited (and it feels so MEH). The two first started rubbing nipples in April of 2008. They broke up a couple of times, the most recent being in January of this year. Now it seems that John is back to nuzzling on Jen’s chin.

According to some sources, the two were spotted getting “cozy” at the Bower Hotel in NYC last month. One source said, “Jen was there on the arm of John and they were all very lovey. She was in casual clothing as was he, and she seemed very comfortable around his crowd of friends.” Some source close to John seems to think they are just taking it slow, “They are very close. They remain great friends. He thinks she’s amazing, nice and smart, and he has nothing but respect for her.”

Methinks this is just a case of not being able to quick the dick. Been there, done that, have the sores to prove it. I mean, sometimes your brain says “DUMP THE BITCH,” while your fuck part says, “DON’T LET GO.” So I’m guessing Jen just loves the way Mayer’s douche-rod makes her ladybox tingle (don’t try to imagine that or you may black out). And John loves how dating Jen makes his Google ranking go up.

Donald Trump’s hair looks like Tilda Swinton’s mop after being stranded in the dessert for days without water, moisturizer, hugs or a blow dryer. Just thought I’d point that out. And we’re off!

Tilda Swinton is ready to peck Donald Trump’s beady eyes out over an enormous golf resort that is about to terrorize Scotland. Tilda lives there, and she’s not about to welcome Trump’s multi-million dollar resort into her backyard. Tilda says NOOOO to golf courses, but YESSSSS to butt raping directors.

The Associated Press reports that Tilda has joined 15,000 other people in signing a petition asking for the resort not to be built. According to the petition, four residents on the property may be evicted to make way for Trump’s golf course.

A spokeswhore for Donald Trump only said that Tilda is siding with the “extremists.”

The Trump probably wanted to call Tilda a “fat slob” and a “disgusting pig,” but he’s saving that for when The Insider or Entertainment Tonight asks him to comment.

The Trump has no idea who he is fucking with, because Tilda’s got the crazy fever in her eyes and I don’t think she’s afraid to unleash it. Tilda looks like she will shit on your porch if you cross her.