Blake Shelton And Miranda Lambert’s Marriage Is Over

For a while, there’s been rumors from the tabloids that Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert are about to take their marriage out back and shoot it dead, because his rogue dick keeps stumbling into a pussy that doesn’t belong to his wife and her coochie also hopped on peen that wasn’t attached to her husband’s body. Well, I guess it’s sometimes true what they say: where there’s smoke, there’s divorce lawyers filing papers for their clients. Because TMZ says that Blake filed for divorce on the shush a while ago and a judge is expected to officially end their 4-year-old marriage today. (UPDATE: It’s over. Officially.)

TMZ says that Blake and Miranda have already worked out all the money and property stuff. It wasn’t a battle, because they have a prenup and they both wanted to stick with the terms. Miranda gets to keep their house in Nashville and he gets to keep their ranch in Oklahoma. Miranda is leaving her dog (Blake) on the ranch in Oklahoma, but she’s been moving the rest of her animals (horses, a camel and a llama) off of the property. Blake and Miranda gave this break-up statement to UsWeekly:

“This is not the future we envisioned. And it is with heavy hearts that we move forward separately. We are real people, with real lives, with real families, friends and colleagues. Therefore, we kindly ask for privacy and compassion concerning this very personal matter.”

You probably put your ear to your window expecting to hear a cackle coming for Blake’s ex-wife (who he allegedly cheated on with Miranda), but got confused when you heard what sounded like a dog furiously lapping up water from a hose. Oh, that’s just Adam Levine’s juicy b-hole puckering as he skips to his lawyer’s office to also file for divorce from his wife, because now he and his true soulmate can finally be together.