Andrea Evans – The original Tina Lord from “One Life to Live.” Andrea returns to the show today after 18 years.

Hugh Laurie (49)
Shia LaBeouf (22)
Joshua Jackson (30)
Matt McGrath (39)
Peter Dinklage (39)
Joe Montana (52)
Adrienne Barbeau (63)
Gene Wilder (75)
Queen Fabiola of Belgium (80)

20-year-old Brooke Hogan is “totally freaked out” over her 48-year-old mother dating a 19-year-old tool. Yes, that dude is 19. Yes, in human years. Brooke told E! News, “I personally don’t like it at all or condone it, but she’s my mom, so I have to show her support.” Say what?

Brooke also said that Linda’s new beast-boy or whatever we’re calling him is one of Nick Hogan’s classmates. She went on to say, “I went to school with him. He was a grade under me…Me and Nick know him well. Me and Nick are two years apart, and he was right between us (in school).”

The Hogan family is a house full of OLD. They make the Lohans look like pre-schoolers.

Brooke should be freaked out. Both her parents are dating twats that look like their kids. They all look the same! What if they accidentally get into the wrong bed at night (it happens)? Barf inducer.

Brit Brit left Bally’s gym yesterday looking like she was freshly sprayed down with Cheeto dust. She’s looking a little burned, so they probably switched to the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Speaking of, I can’t find those rojo caliente cheetos anywhere! I used to eat bags of that nasty shit daily, but it makes your fingers look like you’ve been in Tommy Girl’s no-no hole.

In other BS news, the Daily Star claims Brit Brit has already bought her burial plot! Daddy Spears allowed Brit Brit to go to a film screening at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Brit Brit got bored while watching the movie so she wandered around and found Rudolph Valentino’s grave. This made her think of Marilyn Monroe and that’s when she told her friend she wanted to be buried there.

A source said, “She’s fascinated that Marilyn asked her favorite make-up artist to make her look beautiful after she died and picked her own burial plot. So when Britney saw Rudolph Valentino’s grave at the cemetery she shrieked and said she wanted one. She told her aides: ‘I ’m going to live for ever so I want to be brought to the Forever Cemetery when I’m 101.’” Wait…what if she isn’t dead when she’s 101? She wants to be brought there anyway?

This just isn’t true. Brit Brit doesn’t want to be buried with the regular folk! She wants to be cremated and mixed with her two true loves: frapp powder and Cheeto dust. Me too, actually.

Who the fuck knew a pre-nose-job Halle Berry dated Danny Wood of New Kids on the Block. Homegirl couldn’t even get her some Jordan Knight?! Danny was like the basement new kid. The one we never talked about. It was probably Danny’s braided rat tail that lured her in. And remember those ruffled shirts Halle is wearing? Oh hell no. I can’t….

Here’s more vintage NKOTB hotness. Seriously, they should wear this shit on their new tour. Go all out!

Worst news ever. Over the past few months, there’s been a few stories about Paul Newman fighting cancer. Last March, he denied the claims. The L.A. Times’ Dish Rag now reports that 83-year-old Paul has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Paul is a known former chain-smoker.

Paul is reportedly receiving outpatient treatment at the Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center in New York.

There’s been no confirmation from the hospital or Paul’s people.

Not Paul! Who’s going to make us delicious lemonade? Let’s just choose to believe this is an awful rumor. We should all think good thoughts over a huge bowl of Newman’s Own popcorn.

UPDATE: Paul’s rep told E! that the story is “not true.” I believe him. Paul Newman cannot tell a lie.

Thanks Marissa