Don’t be fooled. All of the gods above gave Angelina Jolie the natural gift of flawless acting skills and she never needed to take classes like a regular peon does. But even back in the old days she had the heart of a saint and only went to acting class to inspire those less talented with her perfect delivery and to show them what perfect ACTING is!
The Daily Mail (via Vulture) posted this vintage clip of Dame St. Angie Jolie leaving blood, sweat, tears, emotion, drama, guts, spit and more on the floor as she sharpens her already razor sharp craft in acting class. The Daily Mail claims the clip is from 2000 when St. Angie was 25 years old. I am not one to question The Daily Mail’s research skills, but if St. Angie was 25 here, that means it was around the time she won the Oscar for Girl, Interrupted. Err, I don’t know, this looks like pre-Hackers to me. But maybe she was playing a teenager in these scenes and she’s so good that she’s able to transform her face into a teenager’s face with facial expressions and acting. That has to be it.
I’m lazy or else I’d make a young St. Angie saying, “I feel like I have no voice!”, my new voicemail greeting.
After that last depressing post, I figured a palate cleanser was needed and there’s no better palate cleanser than one that leaves chest and wigs hairs on your tongue.
Second City dug into their archives and pulled out this vintage clip from 1994 of a topless Steve Carrell getting blown Beyonce-style while wearing a Fabio wig. At around the 0:43 mark in the video below, Steve Carrell and his luxurious bear rug torso make an appearance and he serves up panty creaming seduction as Fabio while Stephen Colbert does his voice. Who knew that back then Steve Carrell was built like a beefy 70s gay porn star?
And yes, yes, I’d hit it, but only if he wore that 2 cent polyester Fabio wig and Stephen Colbert voiced his fuck moans.
Add Peter Dinklage’s name to the short list of hos who brought glamour, style and poise to their high school yearbook picture. A Redditor posted this picture of Peter Dinklage looking like a guinea pig is taking a nap on his head while posing for his 1987 graduation picture at The Delbarton School in Morristown, N.J. He was the Bay City Roller that never was.
This is a cross between 80s Ellen DeGeneres and Uncle Jesse. It’s party in the front AND party in the back.
via Reddit (Thanks Kim)
Long before The Hammaconda was making v-holes and b-holes howl during pap walks, it accompanied its owner Jon Hamm on a 90s dating show The Big Date which was hosted by Mark “Not The Funky Bunch One” Walberg who now hosts Antiques Roadshow. This clip made me cry out tears of liquefied mood lipstick, because it is so damn 90s. As soon as I hit play, I looked down and I was wearing overalls, a long-sleeved BOSS t-shirt and Docs.
While giving you the 90s part and bangs that look like puppy ears, Jon Hamm tells the lip liner beauty he’s trying to woo that if they went out on a date together, they’d start off with some fabulous food, a little fabulous conversation and they’d end it with a fabulous foot massage for an evening of total fabulosity. 90s Jon Hamm is testing you! He’s testing you. I feel like I need to get a hypnotist to get into my brain and erase the memory of a dorky Jon Hamm casually saying Kimora Lee Simmons’ catch phrase as though it’s a part of his every day vocabulary. I bet he screams “fabulosity” when he cums. I don’t want to know that. But you know, I still would.
At the 3:16 mark is Jon Hamm looking like an assistant manager at Oak Tree while telling Mary what a fabulous night of fabulosity they would have if she picked him. Fabulous!
Mary obviously didn’t want to fill herself up with all the fabulosity that Jon Hamm has to offer, because she turned his ass down. Yes, Mary may have exquisite taste in lip liner colors, but her choice in hot pieces sucks. As Vivian Ward would say:
And yes, Vivian Ward is showing Mary just how big The Hammaconda is….while flaccid….and after an ice bath.
In case you haven’t fed your soul with this priceless gem from Vine that’s been going around, here is Beyonce and the two fallen Children of Destiny throwing a trio of side-eyes when Kelly Rowland calls herself the “second lead vocalist of the group” during an interview from the olden days. Beyonce throws a triple at that bitch. She throws a side-eye, lets out a shady cough and then gives a “I’m going to swallow this ‘BITCH, PLEASE’ I’m about to spit out” look. Beyonce won’t even let Kelly be SECOND place. Beyonce is forever the Regina George to Kelly’s Gretchen Wieners. I always love it when Beyonce’s undercover bitch comes out, even if it comes out ten long years after the fact.
You know, I was going to post a video making the rounds (a week fucking later) of gay hater (gayter?) Kirk Cameron farting from his talk hole about what he thinks a woman should do with her body, but Mike Seaver hating on abortion is about as unsurprising as me telling you that last night I undressed a Sourdough Jack before making sweet mouth love to it. So instead of going there with Kirk, let’s all remember a happier time when he flared his jazz hands and twinkled from every toe while dancing around with Marie Osmond in a magical land full of gigantic uncut gold dicks. But mostly, I’m posting this to beg Marie Osmond to return her hair to its 80s glory when it was a square-shaped afro mullet of lusciousness. For the love of Tuan Anh, Marie, take your hair back to that place.