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McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook Got Fired For Dating An Employee
McDonald’s announced yesterday that it dumped its CEO, Steve Easterbrook, for having a consensual relationship with another employee, which is a company violation. There is no word on who this employee is, but my guess is that it’s that purple sex monster Grimace. And somewhere, that diabolical Burger King is laughing with glee after hacking into Steve’s phone to get the McDick pics he sent his piece and forward them to McDonald’s Board.
Dolly Parton Says That The “9 To 5” Sequel Probably Won’t Happen
Dolly Parton, Lily Tomlin, and Jane Fonda were in talks to create a sequel to 9 to 5. Rashida Jones was supposedly working on the new script with original writer Patricia Resnick, and the sequel was going to be about a new class of ladies who deal with a shit boss and get help from Dolly, Lily, and Jane on how to take him down. But it turns out the script and the timing are making things difficult. So it’s on hold for now. Dolly said that the three of them (and I’m sure both of Dolly’s boobs were consulted) couldn’t agree on a script.
Open Post: Hosted By Bill Murray Revealing His Dream Of Working In The Atlanta Airport’s P.F. Chang’s
Bill Murray recently went on Amy Schumer’s podcast and he talked about his dream job: working at P.F. Chang’s. But not just any P.F. Chang’s, the one in the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport. So I’m sure this was supposed to be funny, but there’s something sort of insulting about a rich celebrity claiming they want to work at P.F. Chang’s. Like they want to slum it with the working class for fun. And let’s be real, alleged ashtray-throwing Bill wouldn’t last a day in P.F. Chang’s. If he thinks Richard Dreyfuss is bad with conflict, try talking to a customer who is pissed that their chicken egg rolls aren’t hot enough.
Nicki Minaj Claims Her New Husband Paid For Her $1.1 Million Wedding Ring
Nicki Minaj is showing off her completely modest $1.1 million wedding ring, which feels like a questionable financial decision given she’s been with her registered sex offender husband Kenneth Petty for less than a year. I know Nicki is not the queen of good decision making, but spending over a million dollars on a ring that she’ll just have to pawn off in a few months when her wedding goes bust? I know, I know, their marriage is obviously going to last until the end of eternity, and besides, Nicki didn’t buy the ring. Kenneth Petty paid for it. HAHAHAHAHAHA. That hilarious joke alone is worth over $1 million.
The Balloon Boy Dad Still Wants You To Think That He Wasn’t The Mastermind Of A Hoax
It’s been a minute since we’ve heard from Balloon Dad, the fame whore father who pretended that 6-year-old son was in a homemade balloon contraption that floated through the sky in Colorado. We all watched it live on television to see if we were going to witness the world’s first homemade floating balloon catastrophe. It was a wild afternoon in American history. It was like a dumb version of watching The Challenger. And it turned out it be even more dumb because the Balloon Boy was hiding the attic the entire time, and it was just some family’s desperate prank to stretch out their Wife Swap fame.
So 10 years later, Balloon Dad, Richard Heene, is back, baby! And while on Good Morning America, he said that he wants everyone to know that the Balloon Boy incident was, in fact, not a hoax. Ummm. Excuse me, Richard, but what about the time your son said on national television that they did it for show, or when your wife came clean about it being a hoax?!
Christie Brinkley’s 60-Year-Old Ex-Husband Peter Cook Is Engaged To A 21-Year-Old College Student
Peter Cook, the ex-husband of Christie Brinkley who broke up their marriage eleven years ago by having an affair with a 19-year-old, is now engaged to a much older and more age appropriate woman: 21-year-old college student Alba Jancou. Peter is 60, so that’s almost a 40 year age gap. Well, we all have goals in life and maybe one of Alba’s is that she wants to be divorced from a messy creep by the age of 22. I’m being generous with 22.