Category: 9 to 5
Open Post: Hosted By Dolly Parton And Kelly Clarkson’s New Version of “9 to 5”
As she’s proven time and time again, Dolly Parton can absolutely do no wrong. That said, I’m not going to sit here and lie to you about her new slowed-down, chill vibes version of 9 to 5 with Kelly Clarkson and tell you it’s going to ignite a socialist revolution or anything. But it might make some poor nail tech working at the day spa snap after hearing it in heavy rotation for weeks on end and shank a bitch with a cuticle trimmer. Or it might provoke your friendly neighborhood Starbucks barista into throwing piping hot Pumpkin Spice Latte grenades at the next customer who steps up to the counter while talking on their phone. By which I mean the coming revolution will be beyond socialist. It will be a bloody, protracted, civilized society killer that will leave this planet little more than a smoldering husk where humanity once thrived. Hopefully not before I get the little Dolly Parton doggie wig I ordered for my pup off Amazon though. My girl and I are obviously all-in on the 9 to 5 triggered apocalypse, but we’re hardly going to be fighting in the trenches looking like a couple of raggedy Plain Janes. This is Dolly’s societal collapse and we’re showing up armed to the teeth and with a full beat. Come on girls, utopia awaits us in the afterlife!
Dolly Parton Says That The “9 To 5” Sequel Probably Won’t Happen
Dolly Parton, Lily Tomlin, and Jane Fonda were in talks to create a sequel to 9 to 5. Rashida Jones was supposedly working on the new script with original writer Patricia Resnick, and the sequel was going to be about a new class of ladies who deal with a shit boss and get help from Dolly, Lily, and Jane on how to take him down. But it turns out the script and the timing are making things difficult. So it’s on hold for now. Dolly said that the three of them (and I’m sure both of Dolly’s boobs were consulted) couldn’t agree on a script.
Dolly Parton Confirms That She, Jane Fonda And Lily Tomlin Will All Clock-In For The “9 to 5” Reboot
Had it up to here sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigots? You are not alone! The teased 9 to 5 reboot just got sanctified by my personal lord and savior, Dolly Parton. According to Vulture, Dolly, Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin have all agreed to reprise their roles in the upcoming film. Upon hearing this news, I screamed to my secretary to get his cute little ass in here with some napkins to wipe the shit eating grin on my face.