If you are the type of person who gets moisty for a pair of perfectly combed caterpillar eyebrows, piercing blue eyes and a strong jaw line, whip out your calendar and circle November 9th with a red poster board size Sharpie. The good news is that on November 9th, Chris Pine‘s new movie Outlaw King will be released. As some of us already know, it features him butt naked, dangly bits and all. The best news is that it will be released on Netflix so you can enjoy it in the privacy of your own home.
Chris was a guest on The Graham Norton Show last night, and while sandwiched between Sally Field and Rami Malek (that’s a sandwich I would order twice), Graham pressed him about the recent Twitterverse responses to his naked appearance in Outlaw King.
When it comes time for us gays to be thrown into the camps, Jabba the Trump better give me the middle bunk between Ricky Martin and his hot piece of a husband for copy and pasting a Mario Kart Mushroom that is six times bigger than what Stormy Daniels claims he’s working with for real.
“Mario Kart” has been trending all day today, and at first I figured it was because there’s a new game, or it’s the anniversary of that shit, or maybe Super Mario was killed off in a tragic kart accident. It’s a billion times worse than the last one. “Where were you the day you clicked on Mario Kart on Twitter” is the moment that will haunt us all thanks to Stormy Daniels’ evil ass.
The real tale as old as time around kids cartoons is the one where countless smartass illustrators take out frustrations/get some LOLs by drawing inappropriate shit in your three-year-old’s favorite show. So it should not come as a shock that a big ol’ illustrated sausage found its way into Maya the Bee. And Maya’s bosses at Netflix ain’t happy about it.
I’m pressing pause on my regularly scheduled program of making bad dick jokes and slobbering at the mouth about dick like dick is the only thing that matters (it is) to bring you pictures of an actual dick!
Milan Christopher is an out and proud hip-hop artiste, model and Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood cast member, and he decided to celebrate Gay Pride Month by bringing out the Wienerschnitzel franchise on his crotch for Paper Magazine. Milan tells Paper that he decided to let his south-pointing lubed-up salchicha hang out for the sake of activism. Milan feels like it’s time for society to be okay with the sight of a greased-up naked man. Sure, Milan bared his perfectly pruned dick shrub (which is giving me Kid from Kid ‘N Play meets Bart Simpson) and oily peen for attention, but he is still my hero. Anybody who uses his big dick as a sledgehammer to break down barriers and pave the way for more dicks in photo shoots is a real vanguard to me. Milan is putting the PEEN in pioneer. NSFWness ahead.
It’s the end of the week and the best way to the begin the weekend is with a smile and the tingles, so here’s a story that’ll give you both of those things and HOW!
Sir Patrick Stewart was on The Graham Norton Show with Hugh JackMeOff to promote that Logan movie, and Graham brought up a revelation that Sir Pat learned about his peen not too long ago. His revelation even made it onto an episode of his Starz show Blunt Talk in 2015. Sir Pat has gone through most of his 76 years of life thinking that his peen wears a mock turtleneck when it really wears a full on turtleneck. I don’t know how one goes through life thinking that they’ve got a cut peen when they’ve really got a peen in a blanket, but I’m glad that Sir Pat made that mistake, because now we’ve got this story and clip.
During the past week or so, peens allegedly belonging to several cast members of MTV’s Teen Wolf have leaked all over that internet. Dick pics and/or videos supposedly of Cody Christian, Ryan Kelley and Tyler Posey have popped up on the internet. I know, dicks pics of Teen Wolf dudes are sprouting up left and right and none are of Tyler Hoechlin. The universe really knows how to tease a bitch. The universe is that PornHub video that cuts off 2 seconds before the money shot. Gregg Sulkin isn’t in Teen Wolf, but he was on another MTV show, Faking It, and he did date Tyler Posey’s ex Bella Thorne, and I guess that’s good enough to add him to The Fappening: Teen Wolf Edition. BUT WAIT!