The real tale as old as time around kids cartoons is the one where countless smartass illustrators take out frustrations/get some LOLs by drawing inappropriate shit in your three-year-old’s favorite show. So it should not come as a shock that a big ol’ illustrated sausage found its way into Maya the Bee. And Maya’s bosses at Netflix ain’t happy about it.
I’m pressing pause on my regularly scheduled program of making bad dick jokes and slobbering at the mouth about dick like dick is the only thing that matters (it is) to bring you pictures of an actual dick!
Milan Christopher is an out and proud hip-hop artiste, model and Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood cast member, and he decided to celebrate Gay Pride Month by bringing out the Wienerschnitzel franchise on his crotch for Paper Magazine. Milan tells Paper that he decided to let his south-pointing lubed-up salchicha hang out for the sake of activism. Milan feels like it’s time for society to be okay with the sight of a greased-up naked man. Sure, Milan bared his perfectly pruned dick shrub (which is giving me Kid from Kid ‘N Play meets Bart Simpson) and oily peen for attention, but he is still my hero. Anybody who uses his big dick as a sledgehammer to break down barriers and pave the way for more dicks in photo shoots is a real vanguard to me. Milan is putting the PEEN in pioneer. NSFWness ahead.
It’s the end of the week and the best way to the begin the weekend is with a smile and the tingles, so here’s a story that’ll give you both of those things and HOW!
Sir Patrick Stewart was on The Graham Norton Show with Hugh JackMeOff to promote that Logan movie, and Graham brought up a revelation that Sir Pat learned about his peen not too long ago. His revelation even made it onto an episode of his Starz show Blunt Talk in 2015. Sir Pat has gone through most of his 76 years of life thinking that his peen wears a mock turtleneck when it really wears a full on turtleneck. I don’t know how one goes through life thinking that they’ve got a cut peen when they’ve really got a peen in a blanket, but I’m glad that Sir Pat made that mistake, because now we’ve got this story and clip.
During the past week or so, peens allegedly belonging to several cast members of MTV’s Teen Wolf have leaked all over that internet. Dick pics and/or videos supposedly of Cody Christian, Ryan Kelley and Tyler Posey have popped up on the internet. I know, dicks pics of Teen Wolf dudes are sprouting up left and right and none are of Tyler Hoechlin. The universe really knows how to tease a bitch. The universe is that PornHub video that cuts off 2 seconds before the money shot. Gregg Sulkin isn’t in Teen Wolf, but he was on another MTV show, Faking It, and he did date Tyler Posey’s ex Bella Thorne, and I guess that’s good enough to add him to The Fappening: Teen Wolf Edition. BUT WAIT!
Katy Perry threw her man Orlando Bloom a surprise 40th birthday party at a hotel in Palm Springs, CA on Saturday night and even though Justin Theroux was there, the biggest dick in the room was the blown-up picture of Legolas’ (sadly censored) peen. Katy apparently took the picture that launched a thousand boners and throbbing clits, blew it up and used it as a backdrop for party guests to pose in front of. Some guests made fun of Orly’s salchicha (see: picture above) and others posed normal. It doesn’t look like any of them put their mouths on that black box. I know, Katy and Orlando have weird friends.
And I still write about Joe Jonas talking about his dick because dick.
Seen above demonstrating my favorite way to pop pimples, Joe Jonas did a Reddit Ask Me Anything (via Vulture) yesterday and he spilled out the name of who fucked his purity ring off and also said the same thing he said to Andy Cohen last July: he’d like to believe he’s got the biggest dick out of all his brothers. You know, these Jonas Brothers keep pandering to us peen lovers by talking about which one of them has got the biggest dick. They need to settle this already in an HD pay-per-view dick measuring event. I volunteer to be the ruler. In the meantime, after the cut are the answers that Joe dribbled out when asked about his peen, his brother’s nipples, his man crushes and more.