Johnny Depp has made it no secret that he likes Donald Trump about as much as personal grooming and selling his fancy rich people things. Johnny made fun of Trump in a 50-minute parody of The Art Of The Deal for Funny or Die last year, and again on Ellen. He came for Trump again last night, and this time, it may have caused the Secret Service to open up a file on him (if they haven’t already).
As we’ve all heard, Johnny Depp is in the middle of a lawsuit with his former business managers at The Management Group, and the only thing both sides can agree on is that his current financial situation is as messy as he looks. Johnny is suing TMG for $25 million for mismanaging his money and committing fraud by taking out loans in his name without permission. TMG is countersuing Johnny for breach of contract. TMG also blames’ Johnny’s money woes on him spending $2 million a month on shit like $30,000 worth of wine. Deadline says that TMG filed documents that they say proves that Johnny knew he was losing money fast and that they warned him that he needed to curb the spending or his cash problems would get shittier than the skid marks in his boxers.
The Real Star Of The Trailer For “Murder On The Orient Express” Is Kenneth Branagh’s Magnificent Silver Stache And Pussy Patch
Poirot purists (Poirists?) are screaming blasphemy today, because the trailer for the new Murder on the Orient Express movie is out and Kenneth Branagh’s ridiculous Poirot look is all wrong. While I love Kenneth Branagh’s grey Wilford Brimley-on-roids mustache and the porn star grandma’s crotch patch on his chin, many don’t. Some Agatha Christie fans don’t want a Poirot not named David Suchet, let alone a Poirot who looks like a shapeshifting human who is about 5% into shapeshifting into a fluffy grey cat. I guess some can’t appreciate a stache that looks like two streams of hairy snot coming out of a nose.
Based on the trailer, the plot of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is about Johnny Depp, playing the character of Captain Johnny Depp, facing off against Javier Bardem as a character named Captain Armando Salazar. But according to a blog post by PotC:DMTNT co-writer Terry Rossio (via Screen Rant), Javier Bardem’s villain character was originally written as a woman. And the reason that character is no longer a lady is because Johnny Depp didn’t want it that way.
The Hollywood Reporter published an exposé yesterday on Johnny Depp’s ongoing money woes and his legal battle against his former business management company, The Management Group. Maybe “exposé” is the wrong word here, since we already know so many messy details of Johnny’s life and alleged choices. It’s more like The Hollywood Reporter pointed to the mess in the corner and went “Okay, so that’s still there. But look, it appears there’s a new layer of grime on it!”
The latest addition to Johnny’s story has to to with his time on the set of the upcoming Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales. Dead men may tell no tales, but there seems to be a whole lot of people from the set who were willing to.
Johnny Depp is still battling his former management company, The Management Group, over millions of his missing dollars. Johnny is suing TMG for mismanaging his money, TMG counter-sued Johnny and accused him of blowing through his money like a rich idiot. Johnny slapped back at TMG by telling The Wall Street Journal he can spend his money on as much stupid shit as he wants. TMG recently added to the list of stupid things Johnny spends money on, as well as an armchair diagnosis of why he spends like he does. Is it Acute Millionaireitus? Someone get psychology expert Dr. Phil on the line.