Category: Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp Wants To Connect His Houses With Underground Tunnels

February 10, 2017 / Posted by:

Johnny Depp’s ex-business mangers claimed in court papers that he’s going broke because he pisses away $2 million a month on private jets, $30,000 worth of fine wines and a giant staff to take care of his many, many houses. So naturally, when the gold in your money vault is shrinking, the smart thing to do is to spend an ass load of money on building completely necessary underground tunnels between your houses. Ridiculous rich fucks are just like us! I too use underground tunnels (read: me with my bedspread covering my head and body) to visit my many properties (read: to go from bed to kitchen to bathroom to bed again) so that my neighbor (read: my dog) can’t see me.

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Johnny Depp Might Have Fired His Agent To Save Money

February 7, 2017 / Posted by:

Shortly after the film Mortdecai stunk up movie theaters in 2015, there was talk that it shook Johnny Depp so much that he was strongly considering firing his longtime agent Tracey Jacobs. Johnny was allegedly sick of all the box office bombs, and he wanted a fresh start with some new representation. Johnny did eventually fire Tracey after 28 years and left United Talent Agency for CAA in October 2016. Neither Johnny nor UTA gave a reason for why he decided to switch; UTA simply wished him well and good luck in his future endeavors. Well, Page Six seems to think they’ve gotten to the bottom of the mystery of why Johnny left Tracey and UTA.

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Johnny Depp Is Accusing His Ex-Business Managers Of Victim Blaming

February 3, 2017 / Posted by:

Somewhere, Amber Heard just threw an, “Ain’t that interesting,” side-eye before rushing off to the court to get a judge to demand that Johnny Depp pay up her entire divorcement settlement now before he really boozes his way to broke.

Johnny Depp sued his ex-business management company, The Management Group, for allegedly mismanaging his money and committing fraud by opening up loans in his name without his approval. TMG spit back at Johnny by filing a countersuit. TMG claimed that he owes them $4.2 million and blamed his dreadful money situation on his crazy spending habits. TMG stated that Johnny Debt spends $2 million a month on crap like wine ($30,000) and private jets ($200,000). Johnny isn’t going to let TMG blame him for why he may have to perform as Captain Jake Pigeon (Disney owns the copyright to Jack Sparrow) at children’s birthday parties for a bottle of Cisco.

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Johnny Depp Is Living That Opulent Wine Hobo Life

February 1, 2017 / Posted by:

While many of us feel like a regular Zsa Zsa Gabor when we sip Cupcake Prosecco out of a family heirloom (aka a plastic champagne flute taken from your cousin’s wedding), one percenters like Johnny Depp won’t even open their guzzle holes for a bottle of wine that costs less than $1,000.

Johnny is currently in the middle of a $25 million lawsuit against his ex-business managers for allegedly defrauding his ass out of tens of millions of dollars. Johnny’s ex-money management company, The Management Group, spit back at him with a counter-lawsuit that claims they didn’t fuck away his millions, he did. Page Six says that the lawsuit from TMG claims that Johnny blew through $2 million a month and that includes his monthly wine bill of $30,000. All that fancy wine! Johnny’s piss can probably get a 95-point review from Wine Spectator. If he really needs cash, he can charge for wine tastings on his dick. I mean, it shoots out expensive wine and is probably covered with fromage and a sticky substance that can easily pass for fig jelly.

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Johnny Depp Thanked His Fans At The People’s Choice Awards

January 19, 2017 / Posted by:

Now that all the divorce drama between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard is officially over, he wanted to thank all the fans who stuck by him during his messiest time. And he did it at the People’s Choice Awards last night in Los Angeles. Johnny tidied up a little (aka his assistant Febrezed him) and  slipped into a clean suit (aka he picked the suit in his closet that looked the least like a family of feral dogs had been sleeping on it) and accepted the Favorite Movie Icon award.

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