Category: Boo Hoo Bitch

Hilaria Baldwin Accuses Alec Baldwin’s “Enemies” Of Inflicting “Psychological Torture”

July 28, 2022 / Posted by:

I had no idea Alec Baldwin was experiencing “psychological torture” as a result of being “dehumanized” by his “enemies” who “seek to destroy him” for the solitary crime of “speaking up for what [he believes] and for helping others,” but after reading Hilaria Baldwin’s most recent post on Instagram, I’m like, jeez, now I feel kinda bad for the guy. Here I thought the observation that Alec is a short-tempered, egotistical blowhard who doesn’t know when to quit was valid given his past, current, and predicted future behavior. But Hilaria is his wife and presumably knows the tortured soul hiding somewhere under that steely exterior better than anyone. And it’s not like Hilaria has never given us any reason to doubt her. After all, Spanish women are as well known for their candor as they are for their familia gazpacho recipes.

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Today In Boo Hoo News: Lucas Bravo, The “Hot Chef” On “Emily In Paris” Says Being Pretty Is Hard

December 29, 2021 / Posted by:

Confession time. I’ve been watching Emily in Paris. I hate myself for it but I do it because the month of Jacembuary is dark and disorienting and EIP is bright and very easy to follow. It’s straight-up eye candy and one of the prettiest bonbons in the box is Chef Gabriele, Emily’s dumb, blandly hot love interest. Too bad it’s the kind you take one bite out of before discovering it’s filled with some weird nut paste you have to spit out into a napkin. Chef Gabriele is played by 33-year-old model turned model with dialogue Lucas Bravo.  You’d think being cast as the romantic lead in a hit show would be a welcome development for an up-and-coming actor, but then again, you’re probably not French. But Lucas is and in a recent interview he said that becoming famous is literally “the worst thing that can happen to you,” and he should know because it happened to him. All because he was unlucky enough to be born beautiful. So please excuse his beauty, because it’s ruining his life. Somewhere in heaven, Stephanie Yellowhair is screaming LET THEM KNOW, mon frere, LET THEM KNOW!

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Jamie Lynn Spears Posted Audio Of Her Daughter Consoling Her As She Cries And Britney Spears Announced She’ll Be Posting Less

August 9, 2021 / Posted by:

The conservatorship under which Britney Spears lives might technically have the biggest effect on Britney’ life, but have we stopped to consider what effect it might have on her sister Jamie Lynn Spears? Because based on a “bizarre post to social media,” which has since been deleted, Jamie has come down with a bad case of the boohoos and had to be consoled by her 3-year-old daughter Ivey. According to Page Six, an Instagram story posted on Saturday featured an audio clip of Jamie Lynn crying while Ivey’s voice can be heard telling her “it’ll be OK, Mom.” So sure, #FreeBritney and all that, but also and more importantly #FeelSorrierForJamieLynn!

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Today In Boo Hoo News: Chrissy Teigen Says Being In “The Cancel Club” Sucks

July 15, 2021 / Posted by:

Looking at Chrissy Teigen’s Instagram page you see a woman leading a charmed life. Beautiful home, beautiful children and luxury travel on the arm of the world’s sexiest man. Sure, that’s only according to People Magazine, but John Legend is, at the very least, cute. Yet, judging by her most recent Instagram post, it’s clear that Chrissy has a desperate desire for validation outside of her seemingly beautiful life. On Twitter no less! That’s like sitting on a beach in Cinque Terre, as she very recently was, in a glamorous kaftan sipping a crisp Pinot Bianco and asking the waiter if he can bring her an old bucket of fish guts, put it in her lap and set it on fire. Chrissy writes that she feels like “utter shit in real life” and that she “desperately” wants to communicate with “you guys,” presumably her fans, lamenting that being in “the cancel club” “just sucks.” Meanwhile the waiter is just standing there like, you still working on that bucket of fish guts or can I take it away? It’s disturbing the other guests.

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Ghislaine Maxwell Says She Was Abused By A Guard And Is Losing Her Hair In Jail

February 17, 2021 / Posted by:

The New York Post reports that current resident Ghislaine Maxwell is “withering to a shell,” and despite her being a “respectful, middle-aged female pretrial detainee,” she was forced to “clean a shower with a broom” as punishment for reporting that she was physically “abused” by a guard during a pat down. Also, sources claim that Ghislaine hates the food and is going bald and I, for one, would like to see it.

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Gwen Stefani And Blake Shelton Are Stressed And Stretched To Their Limit

September 16, 2020 / Posted by:

Moving is hell, everybody knows this. First, you have to look closely at all your shitty shit and chide yourself for having so much shitty shit. Then you have to go steal boxes from the dumpster outside of Safeway and pack all your shit up under the cover of night, load it into a van and pray that the sketchy dude you found on Craigslist to help isn’t a serial killer or a narc. So I can understand why Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton, who according to Us Weekly, are stressed about their “nightmare” move into the newly renovated $13.2 million mansion they bought in May.

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