You can’t officially declare it a Wino party until an ambulance is called! And that’s what happened last night on the Isle of Crackie aka St. Lucia. The Sun says the Crackie of the Caribbean has been taking some kind of crack replacement (probably Methadone?) to help her get off the bad shit. Wino ran out of the medicinal crack and her body wasn’t amused, so she started doing the Exorcism shake and finally collapsed. Everyone around her is probably used to that shit. They stopped, dropped and rolled her into the hospital. Oh, Wino!

One source told The Sun, “She looked in a terrible state, a shaking mess. The people with her were very concerned.”

Wino was rushed to her second home, the hospital, and is said to be doing well. Hopefully, she’ll check out of that joint shortly. Her spokeswhore just shook his head and said, “Well, you know…” No, he said she was in the hospital because she ran out of her substitute for crack.

Wino’s talking bitch said too much. Bitch should have just said she was being treated for exhaustion. You know, it’s fucking tiring crawling around and stealing cocktails. Wait. No, the “exhaustion” excuse is out. He should have said she was in the hospital giving birth to nonuplets. That’s the new exhaustion.

The woman, the myth, the legend: Phyllis J. McGuire -Phyllis IS Valentine’s Day. If you don’t know that, then you have a lot to learn. Phyllis can teach you all about romance since it runs through her veins. Well, the veins everywhere but on her face since I don’t think she any working ones there.

And it’s a fact that Cupid sleeps under Phyllis’ wig.

Florence Henderson (75)
Freddie Highmore (17)
Erin Topey (28)
Rie Rasmussen (31)
Rob Thomas (37)
Simon Pegg (39)
Jules Asner (41)
Meg Tilly (49)
Renee Fleming (50)
James Eckhouse (54)
Teller (61)
Pat O’Brien (61)
Alan Parker (65)
Michael Bloomberg (66)
Phyllis McGuire (78)
Hugh Downs (88)

Is it Kabbalahist? I didn’t know what to call a ho who studies that stuff. Kabbalahead? I almost wrote red stringer, but that sounds like it involves a dirty tampon. Which would kind of be fitting since this post is about Vadge. Kabbahlist it is, for now.

Reportedly, Vadge’s personal Jesus has switched over to Kabbalah. There’s one million and one religious jokes in there, but I don’t know dick about religion. Probably because I was too busy sucking it in the church parking lot when I should’ve been at confirmation classes. Ungodly, I know. I’ll get mine.

A source told The Daily Mirror (via SP) that Jesus has been telling friends he has converted and has even researched Kabbalah on the internet. The source went on to say, “He has joined an online Kabbalah group and is keen to become an active member. Madonna has also offered to take him to the Kabbalah center in New York and he is exceedingly keen to take her up on that.”

Jesus’ family are strict Catholics so apparently they aren’t going to be happy about this. My abuelita would’ve tied him to a tree and kept him there overnight if he pulled this shit on her. My abuelita actually did that to one of her daughters when she found out she gave a dude a handjob! I’m not even joking. Abuelitas are not the ones.

Okay, is it that easy to convert to Kabbalah? I guess all you have to do is place your skin berries in Vadge’s roided-up nutcracker, close your eyes and say goodbye to your friends. You may lose your nuts, but you’ll gain a pretty red string to wear around your wrist.

Here’s Kabbalah recruiter Vadge and red stringer Jesus leaving some restaurant in NYC last night.

International supermodel and Hot Babe of 2007, Phoebe Price, was gracious enough to speak to the worldwide media (aka Channel 7 in L.A.) at the opening of Orange Bone pet store. The pet store was named after her, obviously. Don’t worry your pretty little genitals, Orange Bone sells dogs from shelters instead of puppy mills. PP knows what’s right. Or she’s just there for the free Andre champagne. Which she had to serve.

In between her canape serving shifts, the always eloquent PP gave her thoughts on the new pet store. Shortly after this interview, the needy and tortured animal lying on her head was adopted by a good family. Henry the dog thought to himself, “Why couldn’t it be me.” But seriously, PP is changing the world one cutlet at a time. I don’t know what that means exactly, but it seems fitting.

In the video above, PP’s at the 1:01 mark, but stop by a few seconds before that to gaze at Charlotte Ross’ ravishing eyebrows.

Some of us are still recovering from seeing Vadge’s vintage sascrotch the first time. I still won’t let my dog sit on my lap because it gives me terrible flashbacks. Well, you know what the say, the best way to conquer your fear is to face it again! That’s why you have to (NSFL) click here to relieve the hairy fuggery all over again. Make you sure you zoom in and get a little closer. After your stomach has emptied itself all over your keyboard, it won’t seem so bad. It’s a shame she didn’t enter it in Westminster. That cunt would’ve won Best in Show.

Anysugarpielivesonmadonnascooch, some bitch named Fabrizio Masoni bought that shit at auction for $37,500 yesterday.

Where the hell is he going to hang that mess? In his bathroom to remind him to shave every day? I could never have that thing it my house. My dog would annoy me by always wanting to cuddle next to it thinking it’s his long-lost mommy.