That’s NOT My Girl: One Of The Fifth Harmonies Quit That Bitch

December 19, 2016 / Posted by:

In many pictures of Fifth Harmony posing together, each chick looks like she’d rather be posing next to a bitchy and hungry grizzly bear who’s got a craving for second-tier girl group members. So it’s not a shock that one of them has decided that she’s the Beyonce of the group and has exited stage left forever. (SPOILER ALERT: She’ll probably beg them all to let her back in when her debut solo concert at the Northern Wisconsin State Fair in Chippewa Falls is canceled due to low ticket sales.)

Fifth Harmony performed their last Jingle Ball show in Sunrise, FL last night and after that performance, Camila Cabello (for us olds, she’s the brown-haired one next to the one in granny funeral panties and trampoline netting) told her reps to tell the other Harmonies that they better hurry up and buy, because she’s done with the group that made her a star (?). Every Fifth Harmony fan probably has the taste of Irish Spring on their tongues today, because their parents made them eat a bar of soap when they screamed, “Fuck you, 2016, you asshole monster,” when the group tweeted this:

Even though I have every Fifth Harmony song downloaded on my iTunes (because I am a 12-year-old girl named Taylee), I don’t have a favorite member. I have to draw the line somewhere, for the sake of whatever dignity I have left! I’ll never have a favorite member, but I will give Camila a few ice cold bitch points for not even spitting out a quick, “Bye forever, whores,” at the others as they left the stage last night. Trick did it “via her representatives.” I refuse to believe that Camila has her own representatives, so I’m guessing that one of her cousins sent the others an emoji-filled break-up text. But who knew that little fetus could produce that much ice coldness? Taylor Swift taught her well.


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