Category: The Rock
The “Baywatch” Trailer Needs A Lot More Shirtless Zac Efron
Yeah, get out of there, shirt! Go find some self-conscious shark with manboobs who needs you. Zac Efron and his ripped Wrestling Champions body don’t need you.
Based on the pictures taken on the Baywatch movie set last March, it looked like Zac would spend the entire movie shirtless. The trailer, which was released today, has determined that was a lie. Zac wears a shirt, he wears a leather jacket. The Rock, on the other hand, is only in a couple shirts. That might not be intentional. Paramount clearly blew all their budget on the amazing green screen effects at the 0:20 and 1:37 marks, which means they probably didn’t have a whole lot of money left over for The Rock’s custom-made shirts in size-PM (python arms). Regardless of the shirt situation, this trailer makes Baywatch the movie look almost as cheesy as Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding, ergo I’m kind of into it.
The Rock plays Mitch Buchannon, one of Leonardo DiCaprio’s former girlfriends (Kelly Rohrbach) plays a less silicone-y CJ Parker, Priyanka Chopra makes a quick 0.6-second appearance as someone who never hit the gym once during filming. And Zac plays a douchey gold medal-winning brah swimmer with Sun-In streaks who loves to party. Technically he plays Matt Brody, but that’s not exactly the Matt Brody I remember from the Baywatch TV series. Hmmm…I wonder who this new Matt Brody could be based on? I guess we’ll only know for sure if Paramount releases a second trailer showing The Rock catching Zac’s character pissing on the walls of the lifeguard station bathroom.
Okay, But For Why Is He Wearing A Shirt?!
The good news is that People didn’t name the singed ingrown chode hair their Sexiest Man Alive, which is a little surprising since their tongue tips were stuck in his anus hole last week. The better news is that People did give the title to the puppy-saving pillar of pure muscle known as The Rock! “Whatever, you don’t need a publicist to buy you that title, you sexy, sexiest man alive, you,” cooed out The Rock’s nemesis (after a closed sign on a gym, of course) Vin Diesel while looking into and flexing at the bedroom mirror that’s been done up like a People Sexiest Man Alive cover.
The Rock Made A Whole Lot Of Money This Year
On Tuesday, Forbes released their annual list of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood and Jennifer Lawrence was on top for the second year in a row. JLaw reportedly made $46 million in movie deals and endorsements. Forbes released the list of the world’s highest-paid actors today, and joining JLaw on the top of the “I’m Getting Paid, Bitches!” pile is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. When The Rock isn’t starting maybe-fake fights with his co-stars on Instagram, he’s getting richer and richer. $18.5 million richer than JLaw in fact.
Did The Rock And Vin Diesel Play With Our Emotions For The Sake Of Cheap Publicity?!
The Rock v. Vin Diesel beef mostly smelled like candy, ass and boiled Muscle Milk, but if you put your nostrils close enough to it, you’d swear that you could also smell the scent of STUNT (which smells like every Taylor Swift perfume mixed together). Life & Style says that you smelled right. Their sources claim that the two buff billiard balls do have their differences, but they decided to take their feud, pull its pants down and shoot its ass up with gallons of steroids. They are playing up their beef so they can “have it out” in a WWE match that will promote Fast 8. Fast 8 opens on April 14, 2017 and WrestleMania 33 is happening on April 2, 2017.
The Rock And Vin Diesel’s Angry Bald Daddy Feud Might Finally Be Over
When we last left the too-much-testosterone, chest-puffing fight between Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Vin Diesel, The Rock made a big show on Instagram of thanking everyone he worked with on Fast 8. Everyone except for candy ass Vin Regular Gasoline, that is! It was not exactly a smart thing to do when Vin Diesel had just threatened to expose The Rock. But it sounds like Vin Diesel has decided to stop the pettiness and be the bigger man. Not literally, of course; I’m pretty sure science would have to discover a mutated strain of HGH for either of them to get any bigger.
Vin Diesel Maybe Threatens To Spill The Truth About The Rock (UPDATE)
It’s Day 4 of Candyass-ageddon, the event where The Rock unleashed a blind item unto the world about one of “candy ass” co-stars of Fast 8. It didn’t take long before we discovered that the candy ass in question was fellow oiled-up low-voiced buff baldy Vin Diesel. After The Rock subtly exposed VD’s candy ass, they allegedly got together to work things out, but that didn’t go anywhere and Vin got out of there as soon as he wrapped shooting. Well, when Vin got home, he curled up on a bed and filmed a little Instagram video where he commented on the situation. As expected, Vin subtly slapped back at The Rock before hinting that he had some shit to spill.