The Rock’s Blind Item Is About Vin Diesel

August 9, 2016 / Posted by:

The Rock’s Instagram blind item about a chicken shit candy ass who is a pain in his muscled-up nalgas has been solved! In case you don’t know about today’s biggest mystery, The Rock called out a Fast 8 co-star for being an unprofessional dick with an ass so sweet that it’ll give you cavities. Well, according to TMZ’s sources, Vin Diesel is the candy ass in question. (Side note: “Candy ass” is not to be confused with my nickname, “Chewed-Up Taffy Ass.”) The Rock is obviously just jealous of Vin, because he wishes he held the self-appointed title of The Best Body In New York City For Decades.

Sources say that the two bald bag of muscles have been beefing all through production of Fast 8. If you told me that Vin and The Rock were beefing, I would assume that “beefing” was just a word for them eating 200 pounds of steaks (you know, a light lunch) to keep their bodies built like a water tank full of concrete. But they’ve been fighting. As a producer, Vin has made some decisions, decisions that The Rock didn’t like. The Rock’s public blind item caused a problem on the set in Atlanta today and the tension has been thicker than their egos. They haven’t really been able to shoot, so The Rock and VD had a meeting to try to squash their beef (wink-wink). TMZ’s source doesn’t know if they were able to work it out.

Hmmm…. I wonder how The Rock and VD tried to end their feud? I doubt they talked it out like normal people. Maybe they had a weight-lift off and whoever lifted the most had to shut the hell up. If that’s the case, The Rock easily won since he could lift a dozen Rob Kardashians with his pinky. Maybe they stripped down to their chonies and wrestled it out in a giant pool full of oil. If that’s the case, we’re the ones who lost because we didn’t get to see it. Or maybe they had a sing-off and if that’s the case, expect The Rock to delete that Instagram post and issue a major apology to VD, because nobody croons out a musical note of raw emotion like Vin “Adele” Diesel:

Pic: Universal

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