Category: Suicide Squad
The 2017 Razzie Nominations Are Out
Tomorrow we find out if all the hard work and hand jobs Ryan Reynolds has been giving have paid off when the Oscar nominations are announced. But today we find out whose lazy hand job of a performance was rewarded with a 2017 Razzie nomination
There was a nominations sweep at this year’s Razzies. Zoolander 2 got 9 nominations, followed closely behind by Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice with 8. Sorry, 1997’s Batman and Robin, it looks like you’re still the Batman movie with the most Razzie nominations. But don’t worry, there’s a chance that Batman movie written and directed by Ben Affleck could happen.
Jared Leto’s award dreams came true in the most Twilight Zone-y of ways. He’s not going to get the Oscar nomination he was no doubt sure he was going to get, but he did get a Worst Supporting Actor Razzie for Suicide Squad. And Julia Roberts’ performance as Lady Wearing a Bad Wig in Mother’s Day earned her a Worst Actress nomination. That wig didn’t get a Worst Supporting Actor nomination, because of course it didn’t; that wig worked its ass off and supported her like a load-bearing beam.
And Ben Affleck received his 10th Razzie nomination today. The big one-zero! He should go out and celebrate tonight for reaching a career milestone. Maybe his BFF Tom Brady will treat Ben to a steamed green bean and unseasoned fish dinner at his house.
The list of nominees is after the cut.
Harley Quinn, Catwoman And Poison Ivy Are Getting Their Own Movie
Suicide Squad was a neon-colored dried turd (strangely enough, I hear that a neon-colored dried turd is just one of the gifts that the King of Method Jared Leto gave to the cast), but it still made almost $750 million worldwide, and that doesn’t include the Mount Everest-sized pile of money it brought in from everyone’s Emo cousin buying merchandise like a pleather and gold-painted metal Puddin’ choker from Hot Topic. So because Suicide Squad was a hit in the money department, DC has hired its director and writer David Ayer to direct and produce a movie starring Harley Quinn, Catwoman and Poison Ivy. Why do I have a feeling that this is going to end with all of us rioting at DC’s offices after it’s announced that Gigi Hadid is playing Catwoman and Kylie Jenner is playing Poison Ivy? Although, those pics of Kylie taken by Uncle Terry did cover every inch of my skin with the itchies and caused my eyeballs to break out into a rash, so that wouldn’t be the weirdest casting decision.
Jared Leto Feels Like He Was Tricked Into Doing “Suicide Squad”
“All those live rats and dead pigs and anal beads. All that method acting. And for what? You’re barely even on the poster. Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry. The clown prince of mayhem wouldn’t cry.”
Even though I haven’t seen Suicide Squad, I’ve learned a couple things from it. One, that it was pretty crappy. And two, that The Joker wasn’t in it nearly as much as Suicide Squad’s aggressive marketing campaign lead us to believe. It was almost as though the higher ups in charge of Suicide Squad had tricked us into thinking it was all about The Joker. If you ask Jared Leto what he thinks about that, he’d agree.
As Expected, “Suicide Squad” Made A Humongous Shit Pile Of Money Over The Weekend
And a teeny tiny piece of money in that humongous pile came from me, because I went to see Suicide Squad yesterday. The reviews were right: it’s a piece of sparkly shit!
- It had more holes than a nerd’s over-worn Underoos. There was barely a plot and it seemed like even the main characters were confused about what was going on.
- Jared Leto’s Joker was more like a watered down, Hot Topic-fied version of Gary Oldman’s character in True Romance.
- Cara Delawhatever’s character gets (SPOILER ALERT) possessed by a witch, but she comes off like she was possessed by a dead AAA battery, because her “acting” makes Megan Fox look like the most charismatic and natural actress of our time. The Enchantress’ real evil power is the ability to paralyze humans with her shit-tastic acting skills. At one point I was about to jump up and scream, “Okay, okay, I give in! I give in! If you stop acting, I’ll let you turn me into one of your gonorrhea-infested pickle dick soldiers!“
But with that being said, I was still entertained and I appreciated the hotness provided by Jai Courtney.
And as we all know, bad reviews don’t really mean much nowadays and Suicide Squad proved that by breaking records at the box office.
The “Suicide Squad” Fancrazies Will Not Stand For Rotten Tomatoes Defaming Their Precious Movie!
In my post yesterday about Suicide Squad getting hit with a giant wave of crap reviews, I said that it had a 34% on Rotten Tomatoes. As of press time today (I am a serious journalist speaking serious journalist talk!), it has a 35% on Rotten Tomatoes. It jumped a whole 1%! But I doubt that minuscule push toward a fresh tomato is going to be enough for the hardcore Suicide Squad fans to put away their sharpened shivs and stop threatening to butcher Rotten Tomatoes so they can drink its tomato tears of pain. Some fans have had it with RT writing bad reviews about Suicide Squad and have started a petition to get it shut down. No word if someone else has started a petition to send those Suicide Squad fans to a “The More You Know” class where they will be taught that Rotten Tomatoes only aggregates reviews and doesn’t actually write them.
So, It Doesn’t Look Like Jared Leto Is Going To Get That Second Oscar For “Suicide Squad”
As everyone knows from the stories and stories about highly esteemed thespian Jared Leto going full method to play The Joker in Suicide Squad, highly esteemed thespian Jared Leto went full method to play The Joker in Suicide Squad. Jared spent time with mental patients who had been institutionalized and tried to freak out his co-stars by sending them all sorts of *~OhSoCraZy~* presents like a live rat, bullets, a dead hog, butt beads, condoms full of cum, etc…etc… But well, a ton of reviews are out and some critics think that Jared beat a hog to death with cum-filled condoms (that’s how the hog died, right?) for NOTHING, because The Joker is hardly in Suicide Squad and he hardly comes close to topping Heath Ledger’s Joker.