Category: Quote of the Day

QOTD: Nick Jonas Thinks He Has “Technically” Hooked Up With A Dude Before

May 31, 2016 / Posted by:

Master gay baiter Nick Jonas is still out there working hard for that gay dollar like he’s a drag queen lip-synching to a Beyonce song 10 minutes before last call on the night before her rent is due. Nick was a guest editor for The Sun (via HuffPo) last week, and for the 56,789th time he was asked about whether his ass or mouth has had a special date with hard dick before. Now, sex scenes that aren’t porn usually don’t involve any dick in ass or dick in mouth action, but Nick Jonas thinks that because he dry humped and made out with a dude on his show Kingdom, he can’t technically say that he’s never been another guy before:

“On Kingdom I have a sex scene with a guy. It is always this thing have I, has Nick? No. But it’s my lips, it’s my hands, it’s my body, even if I’m playing a character. So technically I have done that, so I wouldn’t say I haven’t, because that would be lying. But as me, Nick, I am very open about who I am and that I have nothing to prove. I know what I am, I’ve been honest about that.”

Okay, it’s been a while for me, but I’m pretty sure that’s nowthow gay sex fucking works. If Nick can say that he’s “technically” been with another man because he got paid to do a fake gay sex scene in a TV show, then that means we should send Denise Richards to North Korea to dismantle their nuclear weapons since she played a nuclear physicist in The World Is Not Enough.

But seriously, going by Nick’s logic, does that mean that if you put up an ad on Craigslist with the headline “Looking For A Prince Harry Look-Alike Or A Dude In A Prince Harry Mask For Hot $$$$exy Times” and the dude who answers the ad lets you call him “Prince Harry” the entire time,  you can technically say that you’ve hooked up with Prince Hot Ginge? I’m not asking for me. I’m asking for a friend…and I just realized that everyone knows I don’t have friends.

And here’s Nick performing at BBC Radio 1’s Big Weekend in Exeter on Saturday. Notice how in the first picture Nick is watching another guy play a bass. Nick can technically say that he’s watched another dude play with his instrument, so gays, please buy his albums and watch his show!

Pics: Wenn.com

Does Chelsea Handler Still Hate St. Angie Jolie?

May 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Almost 6 years ago, Chelsea Handler ended up at the top of the Brangeloonies’ enemy list and they vowed to destroy her as soon as they tricked the doctors into thinking they were sane enough to be released from the mental hospital. (Side question: Do the Brangeloonies still exist?) Chelsea declared war with God when she called his prized creation Angelina Jolie a “home wrecker,” a “cunt,” and a “fucking bitch” during a show in Newark, NJ. Throughout the years, Jennifer Aniston’s main partner in tanning and boozing continued to slap at St. Angie by calling her everything from a “demon” to a “non-girl’s girl.

2016 has sharted up many surprises and it seems like Chelsea’s naranja leather ass has softened up a bit, so if you’re wondering if she still hates St. Angie more than she hates the words “last call,” she answered that question recently. In the first episode of Chelsea’s Netflix show titled, wait for it…Chelsea, she talks to Drew Barrymore and this happened. via The Washington Post  

While talking to her friend Drew Barrymore during the show’s premiere, Handler — who is also known to be good friends with Jennifer Aniston — said “I think most women support women. If you’re a girl you should kind of like other girls and if you don’t, your name’s Angelina Jolie.”

Um, is Chelsea forgetting that St. Angie’s holy ‘gina has bumped it with Jenny Shimizu before. Angie does like some girls. But you know,  it’s a little comforting knowing that no matter how much this world changes, one thing will stay the same: Chelsea will forever hate St. Angie. And that’s probably the secret to Chelsea’s tan. Every time she talks shit about St. Angie, a lightning bolt from heaven hits her and crisps up her skin!

Pic: Wenn.com

QOTD: Ricky Martin Is Open To Diving Back Into Cooch

January 19, 2016 / Posted by:

I don’t know if Ricky Martin’s top took that picture in a “before bottoming” moment or if he took that selfie with his feet. If it’s the second one, he needs to immediately clear his entire schedule and check into the selfie rehab program at Promises. Because that’s a new selfie low.

Pink News says that Ricky Martin apparently told Mexican magazine Fama that his dick is like a dandelion. It goes wherever the wind may take it even if the wind takes it to a chocha.

“I know that I like both men and women. I’m against sexual labels, we are simply human beings with emotional and sexual needs. I am gay, men fascinate me, but I like to enjoy sex in total freedom, so I’m open to having sex with a woman if I feel desire.”

Ricky was asked if he’d ever have a relationship with a woman again and he shook his head no to that one by saying, “Men are my thing.

Did a drunk bitch transcribe that interview before running it through Google Translate, because what he says doesn’t really make sense. Ricky doesn’t like sexual labels, but yet calls himself a gay man and he calls himself a gay man, but yet says that he’s down for poon. I see Ricky trying to make sure the horny ladies show up to his concerts. But really, I sort of get what Ricky’s saying. I mean, I’m gayer than a yellow rhinestone charm dangling off of a pink poodle’s cock ring, and there’s still a part of me that is Sandsexual, meaning I’d grab the holy water lube and some Lucite dildo heels if Shauna Sand wanted to do me.

Speaking of, here’s the Empress of Lucite and the most gorgeous goddess in the world displaying some grunge eleganza in L.A. a few months ago.

Pics: Instagram, Splash

QOTD: Miley Cyrus Says That She’s Never Done Any Psychedelics

December 16, 2015 / Posted by:

Here’s Miley Cyrus in Paper Magazine looking like the LSD-addicted baby of Gollum and Strawberry Shortcake’s cracked out cousin who got kicked out of Strawberryland for huffing the freon out of everybody’s air conditioning unit. Even though Miley looks and acts like she drinks a shroom and peyote shake for breakfast every morning, she claims that psychedelics have never been inside of her. She dribbled out these words to Paper:

“I was so sober, I painted myself pink to enjoy a slice in my fairy garden. I’ve never tried any psychedelics, but I’m not against it. LOL. The very small people you see in the bottom right frame are actually just shrunken reflections of my inner self.”

On one hand, the hillbilly chipmunk does seem like the kind of poseur mess who pretends like she’s done the lambada with a wolf during an acid trip but hasn’t ever done acid. On the other hand, bitch is lying. We all saw that old TMZ video of a P.U.T. Miley (pre-Uncle Terry Miley) smoking salvia:

But in her defense, doing all those psychedelics probably erased the memory of that TMZ video.

And here’s Miley looking like an acid-induced night terror during her Dead Petz show in Vancouver last night.

Pic: Paper

Some Words Of Ho Wisdom From Amber Rose: Use Your Seductive Skills To Get That Money From A Man

November 13, 2015 / Posted by:

The Church of Ho Shit’s answer to Suze Orman has been found! While many women are fighting for equality, stripper turned rapper’s piece turned ho shit mogul Amber Rose is telling women that they were born with a winning Lottery ticket between their legs so they may as well use it. Amber is still promoting the new ho shit holy bible “How To Be A Bad Bitch” and in an interview with Time, she shares some of her tips on how ladies can achieve their financial goals. The Champagne Andre Room at the Nuts On Buns (or wherever the hell she worked) strip club in Philadelphia was her Harvard Business School and it was there where she learned how to get men to throw as many sticky bills at her oiled-up nalgas as possible.

Continue reading

You Know, Why Didn’t A Horse Direct “Seabiscuit”?

October 22, 2015 / Posted by:

Fresh off of his “joke” about how he’s definitely drinking Donald Trump’s Kool-Aid, Anthony Mackie is back to give us more drops of wisdom from his mind. While promoting Our Brand Is Crisis (aka The Lady From The Blind Side Goes To Bolivia), Anthony did an interview with The Daily Beast where he said that democracy isn’t for every country and some people just need a dictator. Um, how Anthony Mackie hasn’t been added to the cast of The View is beyond me! Anthony didn’t stop there. He gave his thoughts about who should direct the Black Panther movie.

In case you’re not a Marvel nerd, Black Panther is a superhero who used to be the king of a fictional African nation. Chadwick Boseman is playing the title role in the Black Panther movie and Ava DuVernay, the director of Selma, was rumored to be in talks to direct it. She denied that shit and said she isn’t going to direct it. Anthony, who plays The Falcon in the Marvel movies and begged to be Black Panther, tells The Daily Beast that he doesn’t think the movie necessarily needs a black director. And then he gave an analogy that truly made me laugh out loud:

“I don’t think it’s important at all. As a director your job is to tell a story. You know, they didn’t get a horse to direct Seabiscuit! The thing is I don’t think the race of the director has to do with their ability to tell a story. I think it’s all about the director’s ability to be able to relate to that story and do it justice. I think men can direct women, and two of my greatest work experiences were with female directors. So I think it all depends. May the best man—or woman—win.”

I laughed, but Anthony did make me think. I mean, Seabiscuit should’ve been directed by a horse. Damn us humans for taking jobs away from horses! I thought Seabiscuit was awful, but I’m sure I would’ve loved it if a horse directed it. If anything, I would’ve loved the behind-the-scenes footage showing Martin Horsese directing Tobey Maguire. Thank you, Anthony Mackie, for giving me this image.

horsedirector2015

And now that Anthony mentions it, the Black Panther movie should be directed by an actual panther.

Pics: Wenn.com, iStock, Deviant Art

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >