Category: Quote of the Day
Nothing Turns Robert Pattinson On Like Some Natural Human Stank
Portuguese magazine Activa (via HuffPo) asked RPattz out of all the five senses, which one does he use the most when finding a piece he’s attracted to. That question is some WTF Planet Earth shit, but I’m guessing they asked it, because they wanted to get him to admit that he orgasms from every pore while making out with a juicy pit. RPattz kind of admitted it when he said that he loves smelling people.
“It doesn’t necessarily have to be perfume. I like the smell of people. It is really strange and I’m sure it has to do with pheromones. We like people because subconsciously we like the way they smell. I always find this very interesting to observe.”
Pit sniffer! So RPattz is that kinky trick who buys overused jock straps and 7-day-old panties on eBay.
I see what his ass is saying, but sense of smell is like any sense, sometimes it does you right and sometimes it does you oh-so-wrong. Noses are kind of gross, but you thank the Gods that you have one when you get with a piece whose natural scent makes you squirt cum out of your nostrils. But when you get with a dirty, nasty, sucio, filthy piece, you wish your sense of smell had an off switch. And any shameless slut would never let a dirty-smelling bitch stop them from getting some. You aren’t officially a shameless, desperate trashy slut until you’ve plugged your nose and held your breath while giving a beej to a nasty-smelling dirt bag.
And since RPattz cares so much about scent, he probably sheds a tear while thinking about Kristen Stewart’s armpits in August when he walks by a hobo who smells like cooked rotten meat and Limburger cheese.
QOTD: Benedict Cumberbatch’s Fantasy Threesome With Matt Smith And Tom Hiddleston
To promote that WikiLeaks movie The Fifth Estate, Bendadick Cumsinasses did a Reddit AMA today. I don’t think anybody asked Benadryl Cucumberpatch when he’s going to shed his human skin and reveal himself as a reptilian king who has come to Earth to capture us all and take us back to his home planet where we’ll become food to his kind. But somebody did ask him this:
Do you, Matt Smith, and Tom Hiddleston have cheek bone polishing parties?
A flood of nerd panty pudding drowned Tumblr after he answered with this:
We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet.
And as you can tell from that fan art above, the Internet has already worked that image over. I haven’t checked yet, but I’m pretty sure the thought of Dr. Who, Sherlock and Loki lubing each other’s cheekbones has broken Tumblr forever. RIP Tumblr!
Here’s Bennigan Comboverhatch outside of GMA in NYC today.
QOTD: Cher Goes In On Miley Cyrus (UPDATE)
45 years from now, as we all still wait for iOS7 to update on our iPhones, we’ll still be talking about Miley Cyrus twerking out a fart on Robin Thicke’s crotch. But we shouldn’t be, because the subject should forever be closed now that Cher has spoken. All of our eyeballs have been touched by Cher’s fishnets-covered nalgas, but she tells USA Today that she wasn’t about Miley’s ho shit antics and thinks that Miley needs to smear yogurt all over that yeast-infected tongue. Tell a bitch, Cher!
“I’m not old-fashioned. She could have come out naked, and if she’d just rocked the house, I would have said, ‘You go, girl.’ It just wasn’t done well. She can’t dance, her body looked like hell, the song wasn’t great, one cheek was hanging out. And, chick, don’t stick out your tongue if it’s coated. If you’re going to go that far, then think about it before you do it.”
Close your bibles, Cher has spoken! The congregation is released! And the only advice Miley is going to take from Cher is the “come out naked” part.
UPDATE: Miley must’ve threatened to attack Cher with her lizard tongue, because Cher back tracked just a little on Twitter.
Re:Miley S….I Think What I Think,but Having Said That…I’m a little ashamed (which is Total bullshit,how can u B a LITTLE ASHAMED) that I didn’t keep my big Opinionated mouth Shut.WTF is MY PROBLEM ! I’m 2 Old to fall prey 2″Tell us, Oh wise 1,What did YOU think of M.S ? What I should have said,”I didn’t like it that much,but she’s Pushing The Envelope,being an ARTIST ! She’s Talented,& DIDNT COMMIT A FELONY But somehow my ego had 2 get ITS 2 CENTS IN! MY BIG ASS “BAD”,I DIDNT SUPPORT A FELLOW ARTIST.
TRUTHFULLY SHE WAS Fkng BRILLIANT..CAUSE… WE’RE STILL TALKING ABOUT IT.
Ps this is Not an apology 4 what I Thought,its a Reminder,that if I don’t practice my principles,I loose Them
Yeah, I think Miley was attacking Cher with her lizard tongue as Cher was typing that out. Because you can feel the fear in her fingers, or maybe she just types like that.
QOTD: Marky Mark’s Words Of Advice For Justin Bieber
Britain’s Grain of Salt Daily (aka The Sun, which you now have to pay to read online IN THIS ECONOMY) asked would-be 9/11 hero Marky Mark to piss out a little advice to Justin Bieber from one third degree douche burn to another. Marky, who along with Vanilla Ice are the blueprints of Justin Bieber’s life and spent the early part of his career with his pants on the ground, gave this advice to the Biebs (via Digital Spy):
“Justin, are you listening? Don’t be so naughty, yeah? Be a nice boy, pull your trousers up, make your mom proud and stop smoking weed, you little b**tard. He’s a teenager living in a different day and age. I was in prison before I got a record out and I don’t think he’s been to prison.
He’s a nice enough kid and you’re going to be a teenager, but if you’re being a teen in the spotlight you’re going to be criticized for it. This career can be short-lived – you might as well be the best you can while you’re doing it.”
I read that as “buttard” and I refuse to correct myself.
Justin Bieber is as pleasant as a tongue full of cold sores and he should probably be tranquilized and stored in a cage somewhere until he’s done with puberty, but at least there’s not a Vietnamese man in the Boston area who can’t see shit thanks to him. So maybe the Biebs isn’t doing that bad considering. Ugh. And I hate hate HATE that buttard Marky Mark for making me defend that little shit. I need a Hazmat shower now.
Here’s Marky Mark in London today.
QOTD: Helen Mirren Would’ve Taught Her Daughter To Curse Dudes Out
Helen Mirren doesn’t have any kids, but she tells the Mail on Sunday Event Magazine that if she did have kids and one of them was a girl, she’d teach her to throw the fuck word at any dude who messes with her. Helen says that over the years, she got a lot of shit from men in the entertainment industry and she wishes she would’ve told them all to fuck off.
Add this to long list of reasons why Dame Helen Fucking Mirren is the best:
“If I’d had children and had a girl, the first words I would have taught her would have been ‘fuck off’ because we weren’t brought up ever to say that to anyone, were we? And it’s quite valuable to have the courage and the confidence to say, ‘No, fuck off, leave me alone, thank you very much. You see, I couldn’t help saying ‘Thank you very much’, I just couldn’t help myself.”
So, Teen Moms are dropping kids from their coochies every three minutes to extend their 15 seconds of fame and yet Helen Mirren, who would’ve taught her chirrun a million important life lessons, never had any kids. The world is not fair. And I’m mad at Helen for not giving the world a girl who would’ve grown up to appreciate the subtle elegance of exquisite lucite heels and who would’ve told all the assholes to fuck off. Helen is so selfish!
QOTD: The Time A Bunch Of Japanese Men Got To See Hugh Jackman’s Dick
While shooting Wolverine in Japan, Hugh JackMeOff visited some of the hot springs and didn’t know that the washcloth they give you when you check in is to cover up your goods. So he walked around ass lips naked and gave a bunch of Japanese dudes a full view of his snags and meatballs. Hugh said in an interview that after about an hour of displaying his nakedness, a dude finally let him know that the little towel’s supposed to be used as a peen curtain.
“The place is separated male and female and they hand you a towel, a small washcloth, and there are eight different types of tubs with heats of different temperatures. I’m getting so hot and I’m using the towel they gave me to dip into the cold water and put it on my head and I was getting very strange looks from everybody. I was feeling uncomfortable and finally this guy in the tub grunts and points to my head and then grunts and points to my private parts. Finally I realised the towel was meant to be covering my privates and I’d spent about an hour just waltzing around this place with this thing in one hand and a beer in my other!”
Hot springs? Uh huh, that’s a fancy name for BATH HOUSE. And I’m pretty sure that dude was offering Hugh JackMeOff a beej.
What I want to know is, WHERE IS THE VIDEO?! If someone can record a cell phone video of two sucio sluts leaving their sex juices on a seat while boning on BART, then someone can record a cell phone video of Hugh Jackman walking around naked in a Japanese spa. What’s the point of technology existing if we’re not going to use it to record a cell phone video of Hugh Jackman walking around naked with a beer in his hand?!