Last Thursday, Paisley Park, the Purple One’s home, spiritual center and recording studio, opened up as a museum dedicated to all things Prince. Prince’s sister Tyka Nelson said that before his sexy spirit left his sexy body, he had been working on turning Paisley Park into a Graceland-like museum. That wish has come true and now the disciples of Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness can pay to tour the Minnesota palace where he lived and died in. And just like Elvis at Graceland, Prince’s remains are at Paisley Park.
Superman has his Fortress of Solitude. Batman has his Batcave. Lindsay Lohan has various yachts. Tiny deceased genius Prince had Paisley Park. It’s the mansion/recording studio where Prince downloaded his sexy jams straight down from Heaven. And it might be sold!
TMZ reports that the bank managing Prince’s musical mecca has filed docs with the court seeking permission to start selling off a bunch of Prince’s property – Paisley Park included. Someone better tell the bank that “toy, we don’t serve ribs!” because that’s some bullshit! The bank has appraised the 60,000 sq. ft. Paisley Park to be
priceless worth around 7 million, and they’ve already hired an (evil) real estate agent (to be played in the inevitable movie by Morris Day).
Don’t chain yourself to Paisley Park’s fence alongside Sheila E., Wendy & Lisa, Apollonia, and the remaining members of Vanity 6 just yet. Remember all those supposed relatives of Prince who have to undergo DNA testing before they receive a piece of the purple pie? TMZ’s sources say that the heirs are going to do anything to prevent the sale. They reportedly want to turn Paisley Park into a museum, which is the most intelligent thing I’ve heard about this situation since Prince passed. This is the moment when we band together to save
the community center Paisley Park through music and dancing! Yes, I’m saying that we have to live out the plot to Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo to save Prince’s paradise on earth!
There’s a hole in the world, and it’s where Prince used to be. Since being raised up to the next plane of existence this past April (upon the wings of purple doves and trailing raw, sexy glamour in his wake), those he left behind want something with which to remember him. To be specific, almost 30 people have laid claim to his reportedly 250 million-dollar estate. Unfortunately, they’re going to have to make due with their Graffiti Bridge VHS tapes, because a judge ruled “no, bitch” in most of their cases.
Approximately 35 milliseconds after Madge warbled out her tribute to Prince while dressed like Willy Wonka Goes To The Bordello at the Billboard Music Awards last month, BET released a shady tweet where they declared in so many words that their tribute to Prince would be better. They tweeted, “Yeah, we saw that. Don’t worry. We got you.” When they said, “We got you,” they must have meant that they were going to cover our eyeballs and fill our ear holes with so much Prince that we’d find ourselves shitting purple glitter afterward.
There were several Prince tributes during the BET Awards and everyone from Jennifer Hudson to Stevie Wonder to Janelle Monae to Erykah Badu to The Roots partook in one. You can watch all of the tributes here. But the biggest one came from one of Prince’s muses and collaborators Sheila E. While dressed like a member of a cult led by Mr. T, Sheila E. closed the BET Awards with a medley of The Purple One’s hits. Sheila E. drummed! Sheila E. danced! Sheila E. sang! And she did it all barefoot!
Sheila E. worked it so damn hard and sweat so much that I expected her to melt into a puddle on stage. I think I burned at least 1,000 calories just from watching her. The video of Sheila E.’s Prince tribute (with cameos from Mayte Garcia, Jerome Benton and a special purple guitar) auto-plays, so it’s after the cut.
Almost six weeks after Prince left his sexy mortal coil at the age of 57 and floated up to heaven where he’s been giving the angels grade 10 loin tingles with his devastating side-eyes and next-level puckers, the Chief Medical Examiner has reportedly determined his cause of death.
The Associated Press heard from a law enforcement official who says that toxicology results came back and they show that Prince died of a painkiller overdose. They didn’t specify which one. The official only agreed to tell AP what they know if their identity was kept a secret, because well, they’re not supposed to be blabbing their fat fucking lips to reporters. The Chief Medical Examiner’s full report is supposed to be released tomorrow.
TMZ has been reporting hard on Prince’s alleged addiction to painkillers. When Prince’s plane had to make an unscheduled landing due to a medical emergency he was experiencing during the flight, he and his people laughed it off as nothing but the flu. But TMZ reported that shit was really serious and Prince almost died from a Percocet overdose during the flight and that’s the real reason why his plane had to land.
Prince’s team were reportedly really worried about him and wanted to get him into rehab. The day Prince died at his Paisley Park estate, the son of a California drug specialist was there to meet with him. Authorities in Minnesota have already opened up an investigation into whether or not Prince’s doctors were regular Dr. Conrad Murrays and overprescribed pain pills to him.
Sheena Easton said that Prince’s hip just wouldn’t let him be great and he suffered with pain for years.
I’ve been following all the rumors, reports, so this isn’t exactly a surprise. But still, I’m still going to choose to believe that Prince, David Bowie and Vanity secretly left Earth because they just couldn’t with our asses anymore and went off to a far away planet to start their own colony of sexiness. I’m going with that and don’t tell me otherwise. Don’t kill my dreams!
UPDATE: The Midwest Medical Examiner’s Office released the report today, probably because that shit leaked. The one page report lists Prince’s official cause of death as an accidental Fentanyl overdose. Yes, Fentanyl, the “no fucking joke” painkiller. If Dr. Conrad Murray wasn’t already released from jail I’d tell him to make room in his cell for another shady doctor.
Since current day Madge lives for giving the public several servings of her nalgitas, I was secretly hoping that her Prince tribute at tonight’s Billboard Music Awards would be nothing but her dancing to “Get Off” in his legendary ass-less yellow ensemble as Diamond and Pearl dropped it low around her. But instead of doing that, Madge decided to shove her live vocals into our ear drums while doing a 2am karaoke version of “Nothing Compares 2 U” and “Purple Rain.”
The good news is that Stevie Wonder helped Madge out and she dressed like a pimp-fied Liberace going to a gay child’s christening in the springtime (and that IS the look). The bad news is that she didn’t take a page out of Brit Brit’s performing live handbook by lip-synching.
I’m surprised that Prince didn’t drop down from heaven, snatch the mic out of Madge’s hand and just do it himself.