Category: North West
Mother Of The Decade Kim Kardashian Denies Forgetting Her Baby In A Hotel
Last night, a YouTube clip of pimp-mom-in-training Kim Kartrashian walking to a van in Paris without North West made the rounds and some think she forgot her kid in her hotel. In the clip, Kummy Cakes, who looks like a rotting cranberry cream cheese log that was nibbled on by worms, does the pap walk to her van, stops for a second and makes a checklist in her head. “10 Louis Vuitton suitcases full of Spanx? CHECK! A trunk with my back-up silicone ass in it? CHECK! Kanye’s breast chafing cream? CHECK! Hmmm, what else? What else? Um, whatshername? SHIT!” Kim strolls back into the hotel and gets North West who was obviously hiding under a sofa while wishing that the weird plastic lady would forget her so she can grow up in that hotel and be raised by mice.
So some think Kim almost drove off to the airport without North. But the fame whore doth protest. Kim queefed up a denial on Twitter after she heard the BREAKING NEWS STORY on the radio (read: She watched the video 25 seconds after it was posted on YouTube while North West tried to escape from Pimp Mama Kris’ lair through Khloe’s doggy door):
Heard on the radio today some story I forgot my daughter at our hotel as I’m leaving for the airport. Are you kidding me?!?!?! LOL I went to the car to make sure the car seat was in because the day before we had a car seat issue. Do u guys really think a 1year old would be inside the lobby by herself!Oh wait she was waiting to check out lol
Some bitches are so ridiculous. Like Kim would really forget her baby. Kim would never forget her must-have fashion accessory of the season! Kim was just doing what she learned from the fame whore master. She did one solo pap stroll before doing another stroll with her living, breathing fashion accessory. Pimp Mama Kris taught her well. But I’m sure she’ll forget North in a hotel next season when babies are out as fashion accessories and albino parrots are in.
“Are You There God? It’s Me, North West. Please Rescue Me From These Pieces Of Trash!”
As a look of pride covered Pimp Mama Kris’ face and she thought to herself, “Awww, my little whore is a pimp like me now,” junior pimp Kim Kartrashian and Kanye West dragged their baby North West to another fashion show in Paris for the second time in 4 days. Pimp Mama Kim dressed up her newest fashion accessory in a black sheer Givenchy shirt and made that poor child sit front row with her and Kanye at Riccardo Tisci’s show for Givenchy today. I know North is always making the same pained face you make when we crap up another Kardashian post on Dlisted, but she really looks like she’d rather be doing ANYTHING else besides sitting on the lap of the strange lady who pays her nanny while at some dumb fashion show. (Examples of things North would rather be doing: warthog hunting with Tia Khloezilla, watching the drool on the corner of Auntie Kourtney’s mouth dry and trying on new shades of lip gloss at the MAC counter with Pepaw Bruce. North West would rather be watching an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians than be at that show. That’s how much she doesn’t want to be at that show.)
While Kim was done up like the corpse of a bottom-level gothic hooker, she gave her full attention to her true love, the cameras, as North screamed, “ayúdame,” with her face. Kanye didn’t even try to soothe North West’s nerves, because if he picked her up, she might barf on him and baby barf didn’t go with his outfit. Kanye was not going to let baby barf jack up his sexy.
And behind Kim in that picture above, Riccardo is totally using his finger to spell out the note, “Your titties look extra scrumptious tonight, boo,” on Kanye’s palm.
North West Sat Front Row At The Balenciaga Show, Seemed Really Into It
#KanyeWest with his family #KimKardashian and adorable daughter North West in Balenciaga Fashion Show pic.twitter.com/7GFJEWbWRg
— The World Of Music (@twom11) September 24, 2014
Pimp Mama Kim and Kanye West continued to show everyone that they’re not going to push their baby out into the spotlight by pushing their baby out into the spotlight at the Balenciaga show in Paris today. How do you say “CALL CPS!” in French? Those evil bitches. Kimye rips North West from the family of nannies she loves the most and they dress her up like a doll and parade her around like a fashion accessory at a loud ass fashion show. How dreadful. North should’ve started crying during the show. If she did, Kuntye would’ve told her that no spawn of his cries during ~FASHUN~ and he would’ve immediately disowned her. She would’ve been FREE!
But seriously, a slobbery, non-potty-trained baby doesn’t belong at a fashion show. I’m talking about Kanye. I’m sure North West was really enthralled by all the crap going down the runway. When asked what she thought of the collection, she took a dump in her pony hair-lined black leather Balenciaga diaper. Or maybe she took that dump after she was asked what she thought of her daddy’s stupid, busted Chevron logo hair.
And while looking at these pictures on her red diamond iWatch 2 as she lounges on the beach of her private island in the Seychelles, Blue Ivy Carter cackles away. BIC already wore toddler versions of all the looks at Balenciaga’s show today and as she looks up at the sky, she sees her gold drone delivering boxes full of toddler versions of Balenciaga’s NEXT collection. Going to fashion shows… How provincial!
When The Expression Of A Baby Says It All
North West is only 14 months old, and already she’s mastered an expert-level “over it” expression, which is insane, because babies don’t usually start learning how to pull such flawless baby resting bitch face till at least their second birthday (at least according to Today’s Parent). But 1-year-old North West is already slaying all the other babies by emoting just how genuinely unimpressed with her mother she is. Remember when just a few short months ago, North used to stare quizzically at Kim Kardashian, like “Harpo, who dis hooker?”. Now she stares at the ground disappointed, like “Sadly I’m aware of who this hooker is”. Clearly living with such a useless piece of cheap trash has fast-tracked her development. HA! “Living“. Listen to me, talking as if Kim has seen her baby enough in the past year to be considered anything more than “casually visiting”.
She’s also managed to perfect the art of subtlety, which, again, very difficult at this age. Where most babies being held by Kim Kardashian would roll their eyes or cry or take a smelly shit in their diaper, North is more reserved with her emotions and chooses only to show how completely uninterested she is in her stripper-looking mom’s tits-out attention whore antics. For someone created from the busted DNA of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, baby North is actually incredibly smart.
Here’s more of Kim, Kim’s kurrent husband Kanye, and the baby they sometimes take pictures with at LAX last night at 1am (you know who loves flying at 1am? BABIES!). I love how North is staring at the TSA guards like “Hey guys! I’m larger than 3.4 ounces! Confiscate me!”
Pics: Splash
North West Makes Her Modeling Debut And I’m Surprised It Took This Long
Not pictured: North West’s mother (read: the nanny) standing to the side and showing her a picture of Pimp Mama Kim and Pimp Daddy Kanye to bring that confused “Who’s that?” pout out of her.
Last month, Kanye Kardashian (née West) mouth farted out this shit dingle of lies during one of his rants:
“I want my daughter to have that opportunity to decide whether she wants to be famous or not. I think to myself, what the fuck am I going to do, how can I change it and how can I give my daughter her childhood?”
And here’s his daughter being pimped out while wearing Chanel in a picture shot by Michael Avedon, Richard Avedon’s grandson, for CR Fashion Book. It’s the nepotism issue! And Kunty Karl is so right. It’s never too early to care about fashion and I’m sure North West is showing she cares by taking a Chanel logo-shaped dump in her Chanel diaper.
via The Telegraph
Kayne West Likes His My Size Barbie Better When She’s A Blonde
If a red bandanna hanging out of a back pocket means you’re into fisting, then what does an entire coat made from red bandannas mean? You know what, don’t answer that.
Former porn star, Playboy model, failed tone-deaf pop star, and diet pill spokesperson Kim Kardashian recently admitted to People that the nine times her current husband Kanye West has woken up beside her, he’s been disappointed the living Real Doll laying in a deep Botoxed slumber beside him doesn’t have piss-kissed blonde hair anymore. Even though though she could always put on a cheap wig, Kim says it’s not the same; Kanye wants to play dress-up with Barbie, NOT Teresa!
“Kanye likes the blonde. But I think I’m going to stay dark. I was talking about this yesterday actually with Kanye. He asked if I would ever go back to blonde. I was like, ‘Not right after a baby, because my face was so swollen and it looked like my lips were huge’. My face was just off.”
“My face was just off.”
NEWSFLASH HOOKER, YOUR HAIR COLOR HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! Don’t throw blonde hair under the bus because you can’t stop stuffing collagen into your duck-lipped dick receiver and injecting Botox into every pore in your face! Aside from that, I don’t believe Kanye ever told Kim he liked her better as a blonde. Kanye would NEVER give someone else a compliment! He probably said: “Kanye West looks very good when Kanye West is standing next to something with blonde hair.”
And I love how she says “Not right after baby” as if she’s planning for a second baby. “You don’t even look after the one you already have!” – is what North West would say to Kim if they were ever in the same room together. NO! That’s not true! Kim is a great mother who totally spends time with North West. See? Here’s Kim and North doing some mommy-daughter bonding at the airport together! Sure, North has the type of terrified look on her face that says she’s searching for an Air Marshal (“Halp! I’m being kidnapped by a sedated stripper!”), but they’re totally technically spending time together!
