Love WINS! Megan Fox And Machine Gun Kelly Are “Officially Back On”

This weekend is a holy time for many people. Thousands around the world come together to celebrate the resurrection of something considered long dead and rejoice in the knowledge that miracles are possible. That’s right. Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox‘s relationship has risen from the dead and is stronger than ever! It’s time to spread the good word that, against all odds, love between two attention-seeking celebrities CAN survive.

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Shia LaDouche’s Got A New Piece….AND WHERE ARE HER BROWS?!?

Shia LaBeouf quit humping Karolyn Pho a quick minute ago and he’s already smearing his unpasteurized peen fromage all over the body of his new girlfriend, 19-year-old Mia Goth. Shia met Mia while shooting Lars Von Trier’s art porn Nymphomaniac, and I guess she just couldn’t get enough of the five layer dip under his foreskin, because they’re dating for real now. Shia and Mia (possible couple names: MiShi, ShiMi, Shith, Shit Mi, Filthy Bums, etc….) spread their hobo love in L.A. yesterday. They look like a broke down, low-budget version of Early and Adele from Kalifornia. Shia looks like a serial killer vagrant who lives in a tent in the woods and hangs out in front of Rite-Aid during the day, and she looks like the 15-year-old he kidnapped from her family’s trailer.

But more importantly, for where are homegirl’s brows? Did they jump off of her face when she made out with Shia for the first time? Did Shia’s crotch crustaceans crawl up to her face and eat them? If Shia cared about Mia at all, he’d give her some brows. Dude has Demi Moore’s vintage muff on his face so he has more than enough hair to give Mia for some eyebrows. If you truly care about a trick, don’t let her go outside with no brows.

This Does Not Amuse Courtney Love

At last night’s 12-12-12 benefit show for Hurricane Sandy relief, Krist Novoselic, Dave Grohl, a crushed velvet shirt and Pat Smear reunited to play a new song with Paul McCartney. I know, tacky whores. Instead of getting Paul McCartney, they should’ve used a Kurt Cobain hologram. Sadly, they didn’t play “Rape Me” and dedicate it to Heather Mills and her lawyers. They sang a new song called “Cut Me Some Slack.” Cut some slack is not something that Courtney Love’s crazy ass is interested in doing.

TMZ says that Courtney Love took a break from making antique wedding dresses out of used crack foil and opened her yap hole to spill out a stream of hate over Paul McCartney singing with the surviving members of Nirvana. Since the inside of Courtney Love’s head is an empty playground of delusion, she thinks she’s the voice of Nirvana and wasn’t amused that Paul was singing with them. Courtney doesn’t like that Dave called it a “Nirvana reunion,” because Kurt was the beating heart of the band and without him, Nirvana can never exist again. Courtney didn’t like that the idea of Paul singing with Nirvana and thinks John Lennon would’ve been better.

I’m actually shocked that Courtney Love didn’t break into Yoko Ono’s apartment, steal John Lennon’s ashes (that’s if Yoko didn’t turned Lennon’s ashes into a diamond charm for her labia ring) and then rush the stage at the 12-12-12 concert to spread ’em while Nirvana and Paul McCartney played. That would’ve been more entertaining than that “Cut Me Some Slack” song. But I am here for that crushed velvet shirt.

Here’s a few pictures of the tricks and tramps who overdressed (see: Blake NotSoLively and Katie Holmes) to pose at the 12-12-12 concert in NYC last night. In order: Blake, Chelsea Clinton, Cristal Connors, Jeremy Piven, the robot formerly known as Stepford Katie, Susan Sarandon and Tony Danza.