The Posthumous “Over The Moon” Watch: Princess Diana Edition

It’s one thing to violate the laws of everything by spewing out the words “over the moon,” but it’s an even bigger crime when you stuff that overused phrase in the mouth of a woman who isn’t even here to knee you in the asshole for putting those words in her mouth. Marie Sutton, an evil heart hurter who looks like this, claims to be a close friend of the late Princess Diana, but they obviously weren’t that close if Marie is doing her like this. Marie tells Life & Style that if Princess Diana was alive today, the news that she’s going to be a grandma would’ve made her throw herself over the great big crater in the universe. As the earth rolled from Princess Diana spinning in her grave, Marie said this:

“The pregnancy is just such marvelous news and Diana would be over the moon, absolutely. I think she would have loved Kate – everyone seems to love her, she’s very easy-going and has a beautiful family. I think Diana would have blended in very well with the Middletons.”

We as a people are supposed to evolve and part of evolving is keeping “over the moon” out of our mouths. But instead of doing that, we’re now making people who literally can’t say it, say it! We have got to do better. It’s as if Marie hates Princess Diana. Wait a minute…. Are we sure Life & Style spoke to the actual Marie Sutton? I bet your ass it was Morrissey doing a Marie Sutton voice. Bitch pranked Life & Style. Is there anything he won’t do to fuck with the royal family? Shameless.

Here’s Prince William, whose head is sort of looking like a moon, meeting Cate Blanchett and the rest of the cast of The Hobbit at tonight’s premiere in London.

The Royals Are To Blame For Nurse Jacintha’s Suicide, So Says Morrissey

YAASS! I’ve been waiting for Morrissey’s thoughts on Duchess Kate’s pregnancy and condition, because he loves the British royal family so much that he dresses up like Queen Elizabeth when he jacks off to a picture of Prince Philip. Morrissey is a natural born cunt, but he turns his cuntiness all the way up when it comes to the royal family and he hasn’t disappointed me this time.

According to Morrissey, if Duchess Kate wasn’t a STUNT PRINCESS who only checked herself into the hospital for attention, those Australian DJs never would’ve pranked the hospital and Nurse Jacintha would still be alive today. Prince William, Queen Elizabeth and Duchess Kate should all be charged with murder and sent to the gallows! For the record, Prince William and Duchess Kate put out a statement about how sad they were about Nurse Jacintha’s death, but it’s not enough for Morrissey! Morrissey mouth farted out this mess of words to New Zealand’s 3News (via USA Today):

“There’s no blame placed on Kate Middleton, who was in that hospital, as far as I can see, for absolutely no reason. She feels no shame about the death of this woman. The arrogance of the British royals is … absolutely staggering. Why it’s allowed to be, I really don’t know.”

Morrissey then squinted his eyes about Kate’s health:

“Is it anorexia or is it pregnancy? … I mean, morning sickness already? So much hoo haw and then suddenly as bright as a button as soon as this poor woman dies she’s out of hospital? It doesn’t ring true. [The Palace is to blame for putting] maximum pressure on this poor woman, and of course, that’s kept away from the press. Certainly in England … one cannot say anything against them.”

Oh Morrissey, keep being you, keep being you. I’m actually surprised that Queen Elizabeth hasn’t called MI6 and told them to take care of Morrissey. She probably has, but every time 007 tries to off Morrissey, Morrissey goes on and on about how James Bond is Queen Elizabeth’s butt boy and a disgrace to England and blah blah blah… James Bond rolls his eyes, gives up and goes to the pub instead.

Every time Morrissey hates on the royal family, one of the Queen’s corgis shits on a wee wee pad with his face on it.

Mel And Michael Are Officially Out Of A Job

SCA, the company that owns Australia’s 2Day FM, has permanently shut down Mel and Michael’s radio show, stopped all advertising on 2Day FM and pressed pause on future pranks until further notice. Before Mel Greig and Michael Christian were handed pink slips, they gave an interview to A Current Affair and cried while apologizing to the family of the nurse who committed suicide after their royal prank.

Mel and Michael weren’t paid for talking to A Current Affair, apparently. A Current Affair’s Tracy Grimshaw asked them how the prank came to be and who was their target. While looking like a pile of pure sad, Mel said that the prank was just supposed to be some silly thing and nothing more. Their awful British accents were supposed to be the target of the prank. Mel thought they’d get the dial tone as soon as the receptionist heard them talking like Fat Bastard. When Nurse Jacintha Saldanha picked up the phone, because the receptionist was away, and immediately transferred the call, Mel and Michael thought they were being sent to a complaints section where all pranksters are sent. They thought every radio host in the world pranked the hospital.

Mel and Michael found out about Nurse Jacintha’s death on Saturday morning and said they think of her family every single second of the day. They both said several times during the interview that even the Florida psychic who Lindsay Lohan punched couldn’t have predicted that their dumb prank would’ve ended like this. As Mel broke down, she said this:

“There’s not a minute that goes by where we don’t think about her family and what they must be going through and the thought we may have played a part in that is gutwrenching. These prank calls are made every day, on every radio station, in every country around the world and they have been for a long time and no-one could’ve imagined this to happen.”

They both played dumb when Tracy asked them about the usual protocol of their prank calls. Mel and Michael said that they’re just simple pranking puppets. They do the pre-recorded prank and pass it off to whoever, and whatever happens after that is beyond their control. Since there’s really no HIPAA laws in Britain, SCA says that they didn’t do anything illegal, but are still cooperating with the investigation. SCA’s legal department reviewed the prank before it went to air. This isn’t the first prank that got 2Day FM into trouble.

As everyone has said before, this is the only time in history when I actually want to see Ashton Kutcher’s face. I really wish Nurse Jacintha was still alive and that the hospital was pranking Mel and Michael back. I watched that interview waiting for Ashton to jump out and shout, “You’ve been PUNK’D!”

And since I am a superficial piece of trash and whatever brain cells I have left live in my ass lips, I did think to myself, “That Michael Christian dude is kind of hot.”

via News.com.au

Mel & Michael Suspend Themselves After The Nurse They Pranked Commits Suicide

Mel and Michael, the Australians radio hosts behind the Duchess Kate hospital prank, have put themselves in time out after the nurse who transferred them to Kate’s nurse killed herself today. SCA, the company that owns 2Day FM released this statement to TMZ:

“SCA and 2Day FM are deeply saddened by the tragic news of the death of nurse Jacintha Saldanha from King Edward VII’s Hospital. SCA and the hosts have decided that they will not return to their radio show until further notice out of respect for what can only be described as a tragedy.”

Mel and Michael also hit the delete button their Twitter accounts and are refusing to open their mouths to the media about this. A rep for King Edward VIII Hospital said that Nurse Jacintha  Saldanha was a good nurse and liked by all her co-workers, and they also said that she wasn’t punished for transferring the call. I said this in my other post, but Nurse Jacintha only answered the phone, because the receptionist was away.

There seems to be two reactions to this. Some people are screaming that Mel and Michael need to be fired, skinned alive and turned into poopy bags for the Queen’s corgis. The others are saying that no, it wasn’t not funny, but it was just a dumb prank and the DJs shouldn’t be blamed. As for me, I’m on the side that isn’t saying shit, because THE QUEEN is not the one and has 007 on speed dial.

The Hospital Nurse Who Got Duped In The Duchess Kate Prank Call Committed Suicide

The “I Don’t Like Jokes” tag has never been more appropriate.

Two days ago, Australian radio hosts Mel and Michael put on their worst British accents to try to talk to Duchess Kate at the hospital she was staying in. They pretended to be Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles and they didn’t think they would get through since they butchered the British accent more than Brit Brit has. But they did get through. A hospital receptionist immediately transferred them to the nurse taking care of Duchess Kate. And now that hospital receptionist is dead.

The Daily Mail said that her body was found this morning at an address really near King Edward VII Hospital where she worked. When the paramedics showed up to the address, she had already passed away and they couldn’t revive her. Scotland Yard is treating her death as a suicide. And no, now is not the time for our MI6 jokes.

The hospital hasn’t commented on this, but yesterday, a spokesperson for the hospital spoke out about the prank and called it “foolish” and said they were reviewing telephone protocol. Mel and Michael also released a statement yesterday saying they were sorry and didn’t think their prank would go very far:

“We were very surprised that our call was put through. We thought we’d be hung up on as soon as they heard our terrible accents. We’re very sorry if we’ve caused any issues and we’re glad to hear that Kate is doing well.”

Damn, and the hospital receptionist had a husband and two kids. One minute, she’s falling for a dumb prank and the next minute she’s committing suicide. That escalated quickly. Duchess Kate hasn’t even been knocked up for five seconds and a life has already been lost. Sadness all around.

UPDATE: A spokesperson for King Edward VII Hospital said that the nurse who was found dead is Jacintha Saldanha. Answering the main line wasn’t even part of Nurse Jacintha’s duties. The receptionist needed to step away from the phones, so Nurse Jacintha was helping her out. In a statement, Prince William and Duchess Kate said their “thoughts and prayers are with Jacintha Saldanha’s family, friends and colleagues at this very sad time.”

Duchess Kate Is Out Of The Hospital… And Possibly Wearing A Bumpit

Duchess Kate and the most important fetus in the world were released from King Edward VII Hospital this morning after being treated for the extreme shits and barfs. Duchess Kate will now go back to her palace where she’ll lay on her princess canopy bed and ring a crystal bell every time she needs to vom onto her handmaiden’s lap. Since Duchess Kate is on bed rest, she is unable to fulfill her daily duties of waving at her subjects at the opening of a new garden or whatever, so The Palace announced that England’s Finest Rose (official royal title) and the true Princess of England Jodie Marsh will fill in for Kate until she’s well enough to wave at her subjects at the opening of a new garden again.

Don’t bother trying to buy Duchess Kate’s coat online. It’s SOLD OUT. Those suede boots (Note: The princess is truly magical, because her suede boots are staying up without the help of a rubber band)? GONE! Those black tights? You can only get them in charcoal. The scarf? You can’t find one anywhere. Bitches are even dying their old ivory scarves that color, so periwinkle RIT dye is sold out too. Yellow roses? Nowhere to be found. Go out to your backyard and I’m sure your ass will see that your yellow rose bush is gone. Everything Kate touches, sells out immediately. Even the world’s supply of Bumpits is running low, so get one while you can.

Speaking of Bumpits, the Palace should probably block all of Kate’s calls and e-mails from Jersey. Because Snooki recently gave her some advice and now here’s Kate wearing a Bumpit. Shut it down now before Kate starts rubbing orange-tinted cocoa butter on her belly and is seen buying Absolut Baby Bottles at Bargain Booze.