When Dame Joan Collins first announced on Instagram that Anna Wintour has finally done something right by inviting her to the Met Gala (actually, she was a guest of Valentino, who should get a Nobel Peace Prize for making that decision), I figured that every single guest would call in with a case of diarrhea because they knew that it’s impossible to compete with the blinding light of pure glamour that is Joan Collins! I’m guessing that’s why the usual ruler of the Met Gala, Rihanna, didn’t go. But because many celebrities are delusional and have zero self-awareness (see: Bella Hadid in the background having the AUDACITY to get in Joan’s shot!), they showed up. Although, I’m sure they all realized the mistake they made and are down at the Dallas BBQ eating their feelings over Dame Joan Collins effortlessly showing their asses up in a serious way.
Sources (who are completely real and don’t only exist in my head) tell me that virgin ostriches plucked their feathers out of their body and personally sent them to Joan Collins to wear tonight. Some are saying that Dame Joan dressed as Alexis Carrington tonight, but unless I missed the episode where Alexis stars as the queen mum of the princess swan in a panto production of Swan Lake, then I’m not so sure. But hey, she’s wearing feathers and diamonds, and could easily steal your man and get controlling share of your company, so I’ll give it to them!
Valentino’s other guests included Dominique Deveraux’s biological daughter Naomi Campbell, and Julianne Moore.
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Since most of the hos at the Met Gala obviously don’t know what camp is, hopefully Dame Joan Collins shows them inside. When Anna Wintour goes up to Dame Joan’s throne to pay respects to the true queen, I hope Joan takes a sip of the champagne and borrows a line from Dominique Deveraux by saying, “Thank you, darling, but the champagne is burnt.”