File Under “Opposite Of Shocking”: David O. Russell Was A Dick To Amy Adams On The Set Of American Hustle

Is there an award for outstanding achievement in the field of subtle stank face excellence? Because Amy Adams should receive 10 of them. I mean, if that isn’t the face of “Hurry up and take the god damn picture already so I can boot scoot it away from this trick“, then I don’t know what is.

Thanks to this latest round of leaked Sony emails, we have another ‘David O. Russell is a ragey asshole’ story to add to the already pretty huge pile. The NY Daily News found an email sent to Sony’s Michael Lynton from his journalist brother-in-law, MSNBC’s Jonathan Alter that was sent in September of last year regarding David’s behavior on the set of American Wigs Hustle, and guess what? He was acting like a total douche! I know, I’m just as shocked as you are. So shocked. Somebody get me a Costco-sized tub of smelling salts.

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Julianne Moore Calls E!’s Mani-Cam “Humiliating”

Julianne Moore, or as she’s known on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar this month: JULIANNE MOORE OSCAR WINNER, is finally giving us her thoughts on that stupid-ass close-up fingernail camera known as the E! mani-cam. Julianne Moore refused to walk her fingers down that busted Polly Pocket-looking miniature red carpet at the SAG Awards and now she’s telling Harper’s Bazaar why:

“I’m 54 years old. I can’t make my fingers walk; it’s humiliating! And a guy asked me to lift up my skirt to show them my shoes, and I said, ‘I don’t need to do that. Let’s keep some dignity.'”

She’s not wrong. If you take Julianne Moore’s mani-cam experience out of context, it’s basically a middle-aged woman being asked to pretend her fingers are a pair of legs and to strut them around in front of a camera. Add in some “Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus, and you have the creepiest remake of Buffalo Bill’s dancing scene from Silence of the Lambs ever made.

Julianne also talked about famous types eating low-fat air and skinny water lattes to fit into their fancy awards season dresses:

“We’d all be lying if we said we aren’t watching what we eat. Of course we are! I think we’re also really stressed. I’m not a stress eater. I get nervous and I don’t eat. But, you know, I had a dress on the other day, and I said to my manager, ‘When you see my back fat sticking out, tuck it back in!’ Be a friend.”

In the wise words of Phoebe Price’s gorgeous drag queen doppelgänger Alyssa Edwards: BACK ROLLS?! Only a shady bitch would point out another trick’s Pillsbury back rolls. Oooh, maybe it was a test for her manager; she says “Tell me if my back fat is sticking out” and if her manager says anything but “Back fat? What back fat?” then she’s on watch.

Here’s Julianne Moore in Harper’s Bazaar looking like the bored ex-wife of a candy bar tycoon named Francis St. Francis from a 1970’s soap opera called The Wealthersons, if you need that imagery in your life:

Lindsay Lohan Says She Never Talks Shit About Anyone, Proceeds To Talk Shit About James Franco

World-famous freckled liar Lindsay Lohan gave an interview to the Daily Mail, and I bet you already know where I’m going with this, right? You’re like “Yes Allison, we know, she told them all about how she’s totally sober and wants to get back to work and hasn’t missed a single rehearsal for Speed-The-Plow and how the producers fired her understudy because the Apricot Ashtray is doing such an amazing job, right?” And guess what? You’re WRONG! She didn’t mention a single thing about being sober or showing up to rehearsals, because she was saving all her lies for a long-ass conversation about her former fuck partner and human greasy feeling James Franco. Continue reading

Blake Lively Is On The Cover Of Vogue For The 1,845,274th Time

I used to work in an advertising office (don’t ask me if I was the Joan, I was more like the Meredith) and every summer, people used to take out their brains, pack them into storage, and sing “See yoooou in September”. It was practically company policy that nobody did any damn work till Labor Day. And it looks like everyone at Vogue does the same thing! Nothing says “I’ve spent the past 4 weeks getting day drunk at my desk” like putting The Tepid Tapwater Princess Blake Lively on the cover of Vogue.

Know how else I can tell everyone stopped giving a fuck on July 1st? That color! There’s too much of it! Blake has NEVER looked that lively. Thankfully I was able to get my hands on the original:

That’s MUCH better, except I can see why they airbrushed out the oatmeal. It’s hard to focus on Blake when that exciting bowl of lukewarm oats is hogging all of the attention.

Blake has a lot to say, so it’s all after the cut. Continue reading

SHOCKING: Ray J Got Arrested For Being An Obnoxious Asshole

It’s really too bad you can’t arrest someone for being just an asshole, but I guess you have to get specific with that shit, otherwise we’d all have called the cops on Ray J years ago. According to TMZ, Brandy’s useless younger brother and the reason Pimp Mama Kris cries tears of Botoxed happiness every morning got arrested Friday night for being an obnoxious asshole at a hotel in Beverly Hills. Ray J was being a loud loser at the hotel bar, so staff politely asked him and his date to leave. Instead of picking up his plastic Vons bag filled with DVDs (he tips people with sex tapes) and getting the fuck out, Ray J threw a hissy fit and refused to leave.

That’s when the hotel decided to call the cops and things got messy. Officers arrived to the hotel to question Ray J and his lady friend but since Ray J doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut (a request the music industry has been making for years) he started getting into it with the police too, so they arrested his dumb ass.

Typically once a pair of hand cuffs hit a person’s wrists, it sends a message to the brain that says “Let’s chill out because shit just got real”, but not a dummy like Ray J. Ray J decided to spit on the arresting officer and kick out the window of the police car. He was taken to the Beverly Hills PD and booked for the following: trespassing, resisting arrest, battery (spitting on a cop), vandalism. What an asshole. I hope his bail was set at $47,000.

And because you can’t talk about this asshole without mentioning the asshole that keeps him relevant, here’s Kim Kardashian in Prague with her future ex-husband Kanye Kardashian looking like two sullen teens who were forced to help out with their mom’s catering company.

Pics: Instragram, Splash

Justin Bieber Is Currently In A Time-Out At LAX (UPDATE)

Canada’s most annoying spoiled brat, Justin Bieber, has been detained at LAX upon his return from his ‘Assholes in Asia‘ tour. UsWeekly says that shortly after his arrival in the U.S., everyone’s favourite thuggy baby shithead was removed from his BabyBjörn and placed in a playpen with other delinquent babies, while his bodyguards nervously wait outside, worrying that his diaper hasn’t been changed or they don’t have his favourite type of juice (baby likes apple mixed with orange).

The reason for his detainment is still unknown, but it doesn’t matter; all that matters is that the United States didn’t want to let his dumb ass back in. I bet the United States saw Justin Bieber rolling up to customs on his Scoot-Around, crossed its arms and yelled “NO WAY DUDE, AMERICA’S CLOSED”. Then America Fuck Yeah! started playing while bald eagles began soaring over LAX and shooting patriotic red, white, and blue fireworks from their beaks. U-S-A! U-S-A!

Meanwhile, Canada lowered the flag to half-mast in preparation for his return, started getting drunk to Blue Rodeo, and declared a national day of mourning.

UPDATE: Sorry America. Tell the eagles to stop celebrating, grab a couple beers from Canada and go get drunk, because Justin’s time-out is over and he’s been released from LAX. Take it away, Whitney…

Pic: Instagram