Category: ICK NAST
A Messy Lindsay Lohan Got Kicked Out Of A Bar After Spitting In Someone’s Face On Friday Night
No, you didn’t fall into a time warp that transported back to the ‘passed out in a grey hoodie‘ Lindsay Lohan years. This happened in this year, 2016. According to Radar, Dina Lohan’s two daughters got kicked out of a Manhattan bar on Friday night for acting like two trashy messes. “That’s my girlsssss” burped Dina in between glugs of vodka.
It all started late on Friday night when Lindsay (who I guess is on vacation from her full-time job of yacht hopping and Instagram tea hustling) and Ali Lohan and some of their friends barged into a place called Vbar and ran straight to the bathroom. After 20 minutes, a bartender knocked on the door and asked them to come out. When they wouldn’t come out, the bartender told them they had to leave, and that’s when LiLo swung open the door and went full-Lohan.
Rather than slink back out into the street without causing a scene, the Apricot Ashtray became “aggressive and belligerent“, and allegedly started screaming at a West African bartender in a not-right African accent. A source claims LiLo’s eyes were glazed over, and she hissed “This is New York. You’re not from here.” Shockingly, that’s not the trashiest thing that came out of Lindsay’s mouth that night.
“They wouldn’t leave and all hell was breaking loose and that’s when Lindsay spat in our friend’s face. The bar then erupted and everyone was yelling at them to leave.”
Eventually LiLo and Ali left, but they returned a short while later to stand outside the bar and film people with their cellphones, and slam their hands against the windows. But it doesn’t end there! Radar says that half an hour later, one of LiLo’s friends returned to the bar and tried to fight a bartender. When a bar patron started recording it, he grabbed their phone and tried to run off with it. That’s when the police were called, but Lindsay and Ali Lohan were long gone. The bartender denied to press charges against LiLo’s friend.
But what did Lindsay do next? Well, Lindsay responded to this mess by throwing up an inspirational quote to Instagram. Which is sort of ironic, considering the person she spat on will probably throw up every time they remember that time Lindsay Lohan hocked a toxic loogie in their face.
Pic: Wenn.com
The 14-Year-Old Girl Who Tyga Texted With Came Forward In A Press Conference Today
Last month, OK! ran a cover story claiming that 18-year-old Kylie Jenner dumped 26-year-old Tyga for a minute after she caught him texting with a 14-year-old girl he met on Instagram. The 14-year-old girl named Molly and her lawyer, THEE GLORIA ALLRED, held a press conference today to set shit straight and tell her side of what happened between her and the malnourished tattooed slug weasel.
OK! pixelated Molly’s face on their cover and they never named her, but she says that the kids at school still figured out that it’s her and wrecks on social media have been harassing her. OK!’s story should be read in a boiling bleach bath, because they claim that Molly was “excited” about Tyga flirting with her. Molly said in the press conference today that OK! printed lies. She says that Tyga found her on Instagram and she talked to him because she thought he was contacting about her music.
Would You Have A Threesome With 1960s Sean Connery And Your Sister?
Page Six says that Carly Simon writes in her memoir Boys In The Trees about the time in 1965 when Sean Connery offered up his Scotch eggs and blood sausage to her, only there was one problem… Sean wanted Carly’s sister to get in on the action. What kind of Mad Men episode foolery…
Carly says that when she was 20 and her sister Lucy was 22 they were on a ship traveling from London to New York and they met a then 35-year-old Sean Connery. Carly says that the three of them had drinks and ended up in his cabin. While in his cabin, Sean, who was married at the time, proposed having a ménage à trois. Carly writes that one of her friends called it a “Simon sisters sandwich.” Carly and Lucy said thanks, but no thanks. But the next night, Lucy ended up with a coochie full of 007 and she did it by herself. The Hollywood Reporter says that Carly felt so betrayed by her sister boning Sean Connery that when they got to New York, she ended their musical duo The Simon Sisters. In other words, Sean Connery’s dick broke up The Simon Sisters. Sean Connery’s dick is the original Yoko Ono.
I don’t even want to answer my own headline question, but I will. To paraphrase Meat Loaf, I would do anything for dick but I won’t do that.
My sister and I fight over everything. One time when we were kids, I was playing with her Barbie car and she didn’t like that. We fought over it for a few minutes and I ended up throwing it against the wall and it broke. So imagine what would happen if we had to share a dude. Actually, don’t.
With that being, I hate Carly Simon’s ass for bringing this up.
Pic: United Artists
A Clip Of The Alleged Lil Wayne Sex Tape Leaks
I know, it’s always too early in the day, the week, the month, the year and the century to read the words “Lil Wayne,” “sex tape” and “leaks” in one sentence.
Last month, TMZ reported that a fuck tape starring the fertile goblin and two strippers was put up on the sale block. Lil Wayne’s lawyers immediately threatened to sue any trick who put out that mess. Well, in news that’ll make your genitals do the opposite of “leak,” a clip of the supposed sex tape leaked online. The site Diary of a Hollywood Street King threw up the clip and the site writes that they “may or may not have gotten” it from the camp of Wayne’s one-time collaborator and current arch rival Birdman.
The tape must have been shot on a turnip (not even a potato), because it’s grainy as all hell. (NSFW, duh) The clip shows Maybe Wayne lying on a bed, in what looks like a Motel 6, while two chicks do all the work. What really made me want to inject antibiotics into my eyeballs is something that doesn’t happen at all in the clip. The dude never wraps up his peen and does it raw dog-style. Dude wrapped up his feet (he’s keeping it all the way classy by wearing socks), but didn’t wrap up that dick. See, that’s one big reason why I’m wondering if that really is Lil Wayne in the clip. I mean, if it was Wayne, I’d think that as soon as the chick sat on that unwrapped peen, her uterus would find a way to push that dick out while thinking to itself, “Nope, not going to house a Weezy fetus this lifetime. Not going to do it.”
So I don’t know, but Lil Wayne’s ex-piece and hip hop ho extraordinaire Karrine “Superhead” Steffans seems to think to think it’s him. In between fighting with Lil Wayne’s fans, Superhead reviewed the clip on Twitter and she believes it’s him, because she recognizes the dry boredom of it all:
Chile…that @LilTunechi sex tape is so dry. Brought flash backs of texting and looking at the ceiling in missionary for 8 years. Sigh.
— Karrine & Co.® (@karrineandco) October 12, 2015
Anywho, I hope no one else sees this tape in its entirety. It's an illegal recording and a violation. And it's dry. Dry. Dry. Dry.
— Karrine & Co.® (@karrineandco) October 12, 2015
Oh, Superhead. She’s like the Siskel & Ebert of celebrity sex tape reviewers. And she obviously gives this one two dry coochies.
Pic: Wenn.com
Pull Out The Barf Bag: Tyga Released His Video For “Stimulated” Co-Starring Kylie Jenner
Tyga’s “Stimulated” is probably the most-played song on Woody Allen’s Spotify playlist thanks to lyrics like “They say she young/ I should’ve waited/ She a big girl, dog when she stimulated.” That song made us all scream for an adult and well, start lubricating your tonsils, because you’ll be screaming for an adult again if you choose to watch the video for it.
Tyga has reportedly been sued by his former landlord for over $70,000 in back rent. Well, his former landlord will take comfort in knowing that it looks like Tyga didn’t drop much money into his video. The video for “Stimulated” looks like it was shot on an iPhone 3G in an empty house that a realtor let him use for 30 minutes. Tyga didn’t even have enough money in his non-budget to furnish that house with some Rent-A-Center shit. But I guess the video isn’t really about the house. It’s more about showcasing Tyga’s poetic lyrics, which he writes in a notebook like a true artist, and it’s also about him using Kylie Jenner to get more attention. (And I’m falling for it AGAIN.) Kylie makes an appearance and gets into some awkward hugging and kissing shit with the creepy gecko on a balcony.
I watched this wreck the whole way through, because: 1) I hate myself to the core and; 2) I kept waiting for Chris Hansen to pop out. Chris Hansen disappointed us all.
I will hand one thing (besides a GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL card) to Tyga. “Stimulated” samples Robert Miles’ “Children” and that’s really fitting.
And here’s Tyga and Kylie, who is probably wearing one of Blac Chyna’s old wigs, at the VMAs last night.
Pics: Wenn.com
Tyga Can’t Stop Rapping About Doing Kylie Jenner
Many of us dry barfed for days when a song from Tyga called “Pleazer” was spat up onto the Internet and we listened to him bragging about doing statutory rape shit and rapping about drinking vagina juice in the morning like it’s orange juice. (Surprisingly, Tropicana hasn’t used “Pleazer” in a commercial yet.) The shell-less turtle tried to act like those poetic lyrics weren’t about his girlfriend Kylie Jenner, but his mouth is a bona fide lie machine, so nobody believed his denials. Since Tyga knows that the only time people pay attention to his music is when he raps about humping on newly legal Kylie, he did it again.
As Gawker points out, Tyga recently butt squirted out a new mixtape called Fuk What They Talkin Bout and on it is a song called $tiumlated. In that song, Tyga’s mouth dribbled out these words (Warning: These lyrics may make your genitals run up into your body):
They say she young
She should have waited
She a big girl, dawg, when she stimulated
And a little later on in the song, he brought the grossness again by dropping this dingle:
She a big girl dawg,
I’m puttin’ in,
Yeah I’m penetrating
So poetic. So pure. Tyga should use his talents to write a musical. Woody Allen can write the book for it, Roman Polanski can direct and Subway Jared can provide the catering during rehearsals. Josh Duggar already has his credit card out and is waiting to buy a ticket.
Pimp Mama Kris must be so proud and that was served without one ounce of sarcasm. I’m sure she temporarily took her mouth off of the virgin she feeds off of to text Kylie with: “Awww, my little moneymaker is inspiring great musicians. Proud of u and don’t forget to tell Tyga that I’ll take my 50% cut in cash.”
And here’s the blueprint for Kylie’s life leaving a restaurant yesterday.
