A Tyga song called “Pleazer” was shat up onto the Internet yesterday and it has already become PedoBear’s alarm song, ring tone and life anthem thanks to truly poetic lyrics about illegal sex.
The Woody Allen of hip hop raps about how he squeezes a coochie over a juice cup every morning (But is the coochie juice pulp free?) and instead of using fingerprint technology to unprotect his iPhone, he uses dickprint technology (And he wonders why his iPhone automatically calls 911 right after he unprotects it with his dick.) But the lyric that has got everyone whistling for Chris Hansen to parachute into Tyga’s house is the lyric where it sounds like he’s bragging about doing statutory rape shit. The lyrics are below and I need to remind you that Tyga wrote them. If I didn’t remind you, you may think that I copy + pasted a work from Edgar Allen Poe (more like Edgar Allen Pedo) since it’s that poetic:
Shout-out all my bitcheses, you call the mistresses
I just hit and forget they even existeded
Ha, it’s all the same though
I changed the lingo, gave her dangle, bury the dang ho
I’m fuckin’ faster, I’m gettin’ stronger
I hit her, she backwards, lickin’ her asshole
My dick is the password
T nasty, ’bout to catch a felony for it
Vagina juice like orange juice in the mornin’
It’s as if Humbert Humbert was a real-life person and was reincarnated into Tyga. BUT WAIT! Tyga tells TMZ that those Polanski-approved lyrics aren’t even about 17-year-old longtime bully victim Kylie Jenner. Tyga claims that his brain vommed up those lyrics 2 years ago when he was still with Blac Chyna. Uh huh. Tyga’s mouth is about as reliable as a fortune cookie. Everything he spits out is a lie! But you know, I doubt Pimp Mama Kris cares and I’m sure that at the club tonight, she’s going to request “Pleazer” and will scream, “THAT’S MY BAAAAAAY-BEEEE HE’S RAPPING ABOUT,” while she sprays her chest with champagne as she gives her boy toy victim a lap dance.
And here’s Kylie checking out a college to attend in the fall. No, she’s at Fred Segal.