Sean Connery Has Died At 90

Over the weekend, the ghosts of Roger Moore and David Niven (come on, he counts) shook a cold vodka martini and pulled up a chair at the table of Bonds who have passed. Because we learned that on Saturday, October 31st, Sean Connery, legend of film and the first James Bond to ever appear on screen, died at the age of 90.

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Would You Have A Threesome With 1960s Sean Connery And Your Sister?

Page Six says that Carly Simon writes in her memoir Boys In The Trees about the time in 1965 when Sean Connery offered up his Scotch eggs and blood sausage to her, only there was one problem… Sean wanted Carly’s sister to get in on the action. What kind of Mad Men episode foolery…

Carly says that when she was 20 and her sister Lucy was 22 they were on a ship traveling from London to New York and they met a then 35-year-old Sean Connery. Carly says that the three of them had drinks and ended up in his cabin. While in his cabin, Sean, who was married at the time, proposed having a ménage à trois. Carly writes that one of her friends called it a “Simon sisters sandwich.” Carly and Lucy said thanks, but no thanks. But the next night, Lucy ended up with a coochie full of 007 and she did it by herself. The Hollywood Reporter says that Carly felt so betrayed by her sister boning Sean Connery that when they got to New York, she ended their musical duo The Simon Sisters. In other words, Sean Connery’s dick broke up The Simon Sisters. Sean Connery’s dick is the original Yoko Ono.

I don’t even want to answer my own headline question, but I will. To paraphrase Meat Loaf, I would do anything for dick but I won’t do that.

My sister and I fight over everything. One time when we were kids, I was playing with her Barbie car and she didn’t like that. We fought over it for a few minutes and I ended up throwing it against the wall and it broke. So imagine what would happen if we had to share a dude. Actually, don’t.

With that being, I hate Carly Simon’s ass for bringing this up.

Pic: United Artists