Convicted Rapist Harvey Weinstein™ Got 23 Years In Prison!

March 11, 2020 / Posted by:

Cue up Celebration!

Surprisingly at Harvey Weinstein’s hearing today, he wasn’t rolled in on a gurney with an oxygen mask strapped to his chapped toilet hole of a mouth and his blackhead mountain of a body hooked up to a flatlining electrocardiogram machine (it’s flatlining because you need to be alive inside for it to not flatline). And also surprisingly, he didn’t pull off his oxygen mask in court to mouth fart out a few lines of Nobody Knows The Trouble I’ve Seen before suffering six heart attacks, nine strokes, and an immediate case of coronavirus to prove to the judge that he can’t last 5 seconds in prison. That didn’t happen (Harvey is slipping in the theatrics department), but at his sentencing hearing in NYC today, his lawyers continued to shove a giant spoonful of WOE IS HARVEY down the judge’s throat by saying that he’s been through enough and his life is already destroyed. Judge James Burke didn’t pick up a Kleenex to wipe Harvey’s tears and instead picked up a gavel to hit 67-year-old Harvey with a 23-year prison sentence.

Last month, Harvey was found guilty of first-degree criminal sexual act for his attack on Mimi Haley and third-degree rape for his attack on Jessica Mann. He was acquitted of three of the biggest charges, which could’ve gotten him a full-on life sentence. For the charges he was found guilty of, Harvey was facing a maximum of 29 years. Before Harvey was hit with 23 years (20 years for the first-degree criminal sexual act charge and 3 years for the third-degree rape charge), he cried out to the judge and warbled out a confusing stream of bullshit, where he said that he feels “remorse” and that he will try to be a better person. And then he mouth shit out something about 9/11, via BuzzFeed News:

“I can’t stop looking at Jessica and Mimi and hoping something maybe from our old friendship could emerge,” Weinstein said.

He downplayed the power he once held in Hollywood and talked about his charitable donations after 9/11 and Hurricane Sandy. He also talked about his family, saying it was “hell on earth” not being able to see his children.

“My wives knew nothing about this,” Weinstein said. I went to extraordinary length to hide my extra-marital affairs.”

And he also let out this lukewarm load of eye roll-inducing wet trash, via TMZ:

Oddly, Weinstein also said he was “totally confused” and continued, “I think men are confused about all of this … this feeling of thousands of men and women who are losing due process, I’m worried about this country. This is not the right atmosphere in the United States of America.”

He also said, “If I had to do a lot of things over I would care less about movies and more about my children and my family.”

Mimi Haley and Jessica Mann were all there today, as well as Harvey’s other accusers Tarale WulffAnnabella Sciorra, and Lauren Young. Rosie Perez, whose testimony was used to back up Annabella Sciorra’s claim of being raped by Harvey, was also there to get a seat to The Downfall Of Harv The Perv.

Many of them cried during the hearing and then chanted JUSTICE! on the way out:

Harvey recently had a heart procedure and has been in the infirmary at Rikers Island prison. Harvey also hobbled into prison today with his walker, which his lawyers still claim he needs for back woes.

Harvey’s lawyers already said that he’s going to appeal the conviction in NYC, and he’s still got sex crime charges in Los Angeles to deal with.

Before Harvey’s sentencing today, 1,000 pages of courts documents in his case were released and one them was an e-mail between him and his crisis management expert. The email was about how The National Enquirer asked if he had a comment on a story they were going to run about how Jennifer Aniston accused him of groping her (Aniston’s rep denies the accusation). Harvey responded with, “Jen Aniston should be killed.” So today, Jennifer Aniston is raising a bottle of sparkling SmartWater to Lady Justice since Lady Justice just hit Harvey with his own death sentence, pretty much.


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