A Judge Has Denied Bobby Brown’s Request For Control Over Bobbi Kristina’s Finances

A little over a week ago, Bobby Brown decided that someone should be in charge of Bobbi Kristina Brown’s financial situation while she remained in an unresponsive state in a Georgia hospital. Bobby threw up his arm and volunteered to do it, so to speak, by filing for guardianship of her estate. I hope Bobby hasn’t gone ahead and ordered any custom checks in Bobbi Kristina’s name, because a judge recently took Bobby’s request and tossed it in the trash.

According to the NY Daily News, Bobby Brown was denied control over his daughter’s finances by Judge Jeryl Debra Rosh during a hearing this week. He has, however, been granted co-guardianship along with Bobbi Kristina’s aunt/Whitney Houston’s sister-in-law Pat Houston. Bobby and Pat’s responsibilities as co-guardians are limited to medical decisions. Judge Rosh has appointed an unidentified third party outside the family too look after Bobbi Kristina’s money. Bobby and Pat released a joint statement saying they “are appreciative of the manner in which Judge Jeryl Debra Rosh handled this matter.”

Pat Houston still controls Whitney’s estate, so even though she’s not in control of Bobbi Kristina’s current financial situation, it’s still up to her to decide how much of that goes to Bobbi Kristina. Currently she’s received less than 10% of it.

I wonder who this unidentified third party in charge of Bobbi Kristina’s money is. It’s definitely not her boyfriend Nick Gordon, because he would have already announced it during an interview with morally-corrupt walrus Dr. Phil. Maybe it’s Jesus? It would make sense; we have been bombarding him with endless requests to take the wheel on this messy situation.

Here’s Pat Houston and Cissy Houston visiting Bobbi Kristina at the hospital on Thursday.

Pics: Splash/INF

There Was A Mini Spice Girls Reunion At David Beckham’s Birthday Party This Weekend

Hot British ball-wrangling DILF David Beckham turned 40 years old this weekend, and decided to celebrate by throwing a huge-ass party in Marrakech, Morocco. A party in Morocco? Sounds like someone’s too good for dinner at the Olive Garden followed by a solitary box of wine in bed, aka how I plan on ringing in my 40th. Not surprisingly, David’s birthday party was full of famous types. But the most important famous types on his guest list were THE SPICE GIRLS!!! Excuse me while 13-year-old me gets very jealous of David Beckham.

Posh Spice Instagrammed a couple pics of four-fifths of the Spice Girls reuniting at David’s party. For those of you wondering why Scary Spice looks a lot like Gabrielle Solis from Desperate Housewives, that’s actually Eva Longoria filling in as Tiny Spice. For some reason, Scary Spice wasn’t there; my not-so-secret hope is that she was too busy dumping her shady scumbag husband’s things on the front lawn and changing the locks to make it.

Regardless, 4 out of 5 ain’t bad. I especially love that Posh is giving classic Posh face, Sporty and Baby are serving up that backup realness, while Ginger Spice is working “Just casually reaching for my phone and angling my legs so I can make a break for it.” Although I don’t know why she’d want to. David had four birthday cakes at his party!

Awww, that’s pretty cute – each one came from one of his kids. Never have I wanted to have a dozen children so badly in all my life.

Here’s more of the Spice Girls meet-up at David Beckham’s birthday party over the weekend, including a shot of Posh helping David blow out his candles (or is she using him as a human shield from all that cake? I’m not sure).

Pics: Instagram, Daily Mail

Laverne Cox Went SANS VETEMENTS For Allure

That’s “no clothes” for all you non French speakers. It’s that time again, when a bunch of famous types strip down to their nipple bits and fudge machines (copyright: Amy Schumer) for Allure’s annual Nudes Issue. The word nude usually implies this shit is going to be tasteful (“So, no open-faced butthole sandwich then?” wonders a confused Kim Kardashian) and this picture of OITNB‘s Laverne Cox is tasteful as hell. She looks like a bashful seamstress who forgot to pick up a new spool of thread and therefore is unable to turn that pile of linen she’s demurely humping on into a sexy-yet-very itchy pair of panties and a bra. It’s what I imagine a boudoir portrait of Jo-Ann from Jo-Ann Fabrics would look like.

I can relate to this picture of Laverne in Allure, because that’s totally the same face I make when someone goes to take a tits down ass up picture of me and I realize I’ve forgotten to check my ass for chip crumbs. Trust me, its happened before – the chip crumbs stuck to my ass part, not the tits down ass up picture part. Nobody’s eyes need to see that.

Of course, Laverne wasn’t the only one to get naked for Allure. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Beyonce! was joined by Jordana Brewster (who looks a little Niece Denise in the face), Vikings‘ Katheryn Winnick, Sleepy Hollow’s Nicole Beharie, and Catherine from The L Word, aka Sandrine Holt. Snore! Where’s the true nude beauty? Where’s our tasteful nude portrait of plasticine goddess Big Ang? You’re right, human eyes aren’t evolved enough to view such a gorgeous vision.

So, The Musical Theatre Kid Version Of “Wrecking Ball” Happened Last Night

And now I know what Anne Hathaway does every night with her Best Supporting Actress Oscar. Ann-with-an-E-GODDAMN IT!!! was on Spike’s Lip Synch Battle last night and she did a routine to Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” like we already knew she would, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it wasn’t totally the worst. I know, I just gave Anne Hathaway a compliment; book me a brain scan ASAP. High school musical theater’s unofficial mascot really went full-Miley: the grimy Uncle Terry-approved underwear, the Florida flea market fake nails, the look in her eyes that says “Yes, I need lots of attention.” The only thing missing was testing positive for HPV (horny possum virus) and Billy Ray Cyrus giving the thumbs-up from the audience.

Anne was competing against her Devil Wears Prada co-star Emily Blunt, who moved her mouth to “Piece of My Heart.” Emily looked like what I imagine the people who make Lifetime biopics think Janis Joplin looks like. But earlier in the show, she warmed by heart by grinding up on Anne Hathaway during her performance of “No Diggity”. I mean, she’s no Lil’ Penny, but she’s still good.

Anne and Emily were both decent lip synchers, but if Spike really wanted Lip Synch Battle to crush in the ratings, they need to start getting some top-shelf lip synching talent. Suggestion for sweeps week: lip synching legend Britney Spears vs. lip synching legend for another reason entirely Ashlee Simpson. Make it happen!

And here’s Anne out of Miley drag while walking around NYC yesterday:

Pics: Splash

Burger King Is Paying For The Wedding Of A Man Named Mr. Burger And A Woman Named Ms. King

I believe this is what’s known as playing America on expert level. The State Journal-Register (via NYDN) says that last week, a 24-year-old dude from Illinois named Joel Burger proposed to his 23-year-old girlfriend Ashley King. Almost immediately, people started referring to it as the Burger-King wedding, because – DUH – that’s their names. But then the actual Burger King caught wind that a Burger-King wedding was happening, and they offered to foot the bill for the future Mr. and Mrs. Burger-King. A spokesperson for BK says:

“When we heard about the happy Burger-King couple, we felt an overwhelming urge to celebrate their upcoming marriage. On so many levels, it felt like fate. They found each other and their story found us.”

In case you’ve forgotten, this isn’t the first time Burger King has wanted to be a part of someone’s wedding.

A wedding paid for by Burger King is good, but what would really make this story great is if Joel Burger and Ashley King decided to have their wedding in a Burger King. It would be perfect! They could walk down the “aisle” (aka a bunch of WET FLOOR signs covered in ketchup-soaked carpet) to a choir of teenagers singing “Have It Your Way“. The ceremony could be conducted by The Burger King himself – or if he’s too busy, his wife, The Dairy Queen. The bride could staple a veil to her paper Burger King crown, and instead of exchanging wedding rings, they could use onion rings. Everybody knows the best jewelery is the kind you can eat.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, I’m sure two recently engaged porn stars are now trying to get their wedding sponsored by In-N-Out.

Pic: SJR

Will Ferrell And Kristen Wiig Made A Lifetime Movie (UPDATE)

After pushing out some truly stinky made-for-tv dookies recently (yes, I’m looking at all of you, but mostly The Brittany Murphy Story), Lifetime has finally made something that won’t be a giant pile of embarrassment. I know, they had such a high bar to clear after Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig have made a movie together for Lifetime called A Deadly Adoption, a dramatic thriller about a successful couple who let a pregnant woman live in their house in hopes that she’ll give them her baby. Obviously Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig play the couple, and the pregnant woman is played by 90210’s Jessica Lowndes.

The two-hour movie, which was filmed in secret a little while ago, has been described as “campy and fun and a contemporary wink at the genre” and will air sometime in the summer. Will Ferrell is apparently a huge fan of Lifetime movies and has wanted to make a fake Lifetime movie for a while, and A Deadly Adoption will coincide with the 25th anniversary of Lifetime’s TV movie business.

Well, that’s just about the best damn news I’ve heard all week. The only way A Deadly Adoption could get any better is if the small town police officer (it’s always in a small town and there’s always a police officer) who just knows something’s not right about Will and Kristen’s characters was played by Lifetime legend Valerie Bertinelli and the fetus in the ultrasound picture was played by Tori Spelling.

UPDATE from Michael: Will Ferrell tells Deadline that they’ve decided to scrap it and not air it, because it was supposed to be on the SHUSH and they’re sad that it was made public. The Internet ruined it all! But The Wrap says that isn’t so. They think that Will’s statement to Deadline might be a ploy to trick everyone. The future masterpiece will still air, apparently. Okay, well if it’s not a ploy and they really are scrapping plans to air it, can Lifetime please show the classic Maternal Instincts starring Delta Burke in its place?

Here’s the lock for Best Actress in a TV Move at the 2016 Emmys strolling through LAX last week. Is it just me, or is Kristen Wiig giving off funhouse mirror Ashlee Simpson vibes?

Pics: Splash