Category: How Very GOOP Of You
Open Post: Hosted By Gwyneth Paltrow Getting A Taste Of Her Own Medicine While Trying To Sell A Goop Detox Kit
Goop is gagged! Gagged by her own shit too. Over on Gwyneth Paltrow’s Instagram page, there was an attempt to hawk Goop’s new G.Tox 7-Day Reset Kit, the primary component of which, when prepared by Gwyneth’s practiced hand, resembles sewer pipe sludge. Shame on all you people who say Gwyneth didn’t deserve that Oscar for Shakespeare In Love, because of the look of barely restrained repulsion on her face as she knocks back what looks like a shot of humanely harvested, all organic, freshly extruded infant excrement, is a masterclass in METHOD ACTING! She really drank that stank!
Harry Styles Has Come Out With His Own Lifestyle Brand Called Pleasing
27-year-old Harry Styles is the next celebrity to come out with a lifestyle brand, called Pleasing. Goop really opened those floodgates years ago and it’s been a steady stream of bullshit ever since. But don’t expect Harry to be releasing jade eggs you shove up your ass to even out your chakras… yet. Because he’s starting off easy with nail polish and oil rollers and a pearlescent lotion. I’m sure he’ll start selling Pleasing-brand calming anal beads in no time, though–sex toys are the new celebrity-brand item.
Gwyneth Paltrow Says Her Son Moses Is Really Proud Of Her For Selling Vibrators
Gwyneth Paltrow, a well-documented menace to vaginas, will not rest until every pussy in the northern hemisphere is scorched, throbbing, and begging for mercy. According to Entertainment Tonight, in addition to shilling capsules filled with sawdust that are supposed to make you horny, Goop is now selling a self-heating vibrator, and Moses, Gwyneth’s 15-year-old son, is really proud of her for that. She knows her audience, that much is plain. If you’re gullible enough to burn your coochie on her advice, you’re gullible enough to believe the dialog she puts in her kid’s mouths!
Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop Has Come Out With “DTF” Supplements To Help Boost A Woman’s Libido
Have people not learned? Is anyone still willing to put their vagina and sex life in the hands of Gwyneth Paltrow? She seems to think so, as the guru of nothing is pushing a new Goop product that’s a supplement to help boost a woman’s libido. If you follow all of Goop’s suggestions, then after a long day of steaming your vagina and doing kegel exercises with a jade egg up in there, your vagina is going to be too tired to be down to fuck! But Goopy’s gotta grift.
Former Goop Employees Claim The Pay Is Trash And They Offer Discounts And Freebies Instead Of Raises
Business Insider got to the bottom of some Goop tea, and I’m not talking about one of their $400 matcha maker starter kits. I mean insider secrets. Gwyneth Paltrow has been called an “extortionist” by her customers in the past for overcharging for snake oil. And now employees have a similar tune to sing along to. According to sources, Goop not only pays their employees shit, but they also treat them like it too by offering discounts instead of raises and overworking them. And if you don’t like any of that, well maybe Goop “just isn’t the right company for” you.
Open Post: Hosted By The Lawsuit That Claims Goop’s Vagina Candles Are Explosive
Remember the Goop vagina candle? No, not the orgasm one that Travis Barker bought Kourtney Kardashian last week to get more attention. The OG pussy-scented candle Gwyneth Paltrow was shilling last year. Well, apparently, the candle isn’t just stupid. According to Colby Watson from Texas, it’s also incredibly dangerous. Colby (not Colby from Survivor, unfortunately) is suing Goop because he claims the vag candle exploded in his house. Was there goop everywhere? Yuk yuk yuk/ew, I’m sorry…