Category: Yawn
What A Weird Michael Bay-Directed Victoria’s Secret/Ambien Commercial…. Oh, Wait
For what feels like eons, Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus, and Lana Del Rey have been threatening us with this generation’s answer to Moulin Rouge’s Lady Marmalade. Well, keep a glass of water nearby, because you’re going to need to cleanse your palate from the bland bitterness of this Lady Ambien Chutney that MAL (No, that doesn’t stand for Miley, Ariana, and Lana. It stands for BAD) dropped onto eyes and ears last night. If you were late to work this morning and used the excuse, “Sorry, I overslept because I watched the industrial-strength sleep aid known as Don’t Call Me Angel,” I’m sure your boss hit back with, “Me too.”
That still of MAL sums the video up. Ariana’s neck and back are slowing breaking as she tries to bring the sexy while carrying ten tons of pony hair and feathers. Miley Cyrus is pooting out a cloud of manufactured edgy sexiness. And Lana Del Rey is trying to remember what strain of weed she smoked right before signing the contract, agreeing to this mess, because she’s never smoking that shit again.
Kanye West Is Pissed At Drake (Again) Over Kim Kardashian
The Kanye West vs. Drake beef that never seems to end (ever) reminds me of the fancy sport cricket, or even better, the long play version of cricket called a test match. It’s an extended game that usually lasts five days or even longer if you’re an extremely unlucky spectator. It’s the athletic equivalent of watching paint dry, and not for anyone less than the die hard cricket fan. This rivalry is becoming the cricket test match of celebrity feuds, ie. it is so boring I forgot we were still supposed to be paying attention. But apparently we are, because Kanye is pissed at some old Drake news that’s had him throwing a tanty all over Twitter this morning. Someone call this feud off already so we can all go out for pitchers and slices!