Category: Ed Sheeran
Ed Sheeran Might Have Gotten Secret Married
Despite being longtime BFFs with one of the biggest relationship stunt queens in the game, Ed Sheeran keeps it a little quieter when it comes to where his ginger business has been. He never confirmed if he was ever actually doing it with a Pussycat Doll last year. He’s rarely papped with his current girlfriend Cherry Seaborn, seen above leaving a premiere with him in London last October.
So really, I guess no one should be surprised if Ed were to go and get secret married. According to The Sun, Ed might have done just that. Two days ago, a picture of Ed attending a friend’s daughter’s 5th birthday party hit the internet in which he just so happened to be showing off a ring on that finger.
Judging by the distracted look on her face, either the photographer didn’t yell “1-2-cheese” before taking that picture, or that little girl just realized that that ring was about to steal all her 5th birthday thunder. I choose to believe it was the second, because 5-year-olds are wise like that.
Ed and Cherry have been dating for a year, so it’s not crazy to think that they might have recently made it legal. Ed himself hasn’t confirmed whether he made Cherry his wife because he’s on a self-imposed social media hiatus since December.
I know a ring on that finger on that hand usually means there’s a 99.9% a person is hitched, but I’m still skeptical that he actually got married. After all, it’s a well-known fact that Taylor Swift is unable to go to a wedding and not make it AAT (All About Taylor). I mean, she made damn sure she was the star of their 1st anniversary. If the Archie to Taylor’s Betty got married, we’d have heard about it. There’s no way Ed Sheeran would have had a wedding without a professional photographer getting at least six dozen pictures of Taylor catching the bouquet (just like she practiced) while her date Tom Hiddleston smiles on the outside/screams internally from the sidelines in an I Heart TS-printed tuxedo.
Ed Sheeran And Nicole Scherzinger Might Be Doing It
Despite the fact that the look on his face says “I know, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing hanging out with one of the Pussycat Dolls either” in the picture above, The Sun is saying that the Chuckie to Taylor Swift’s Angelica, Ed Sheeran, is currently working his smooth ginger game on Nicole Scherzinger. Congratulations, random – you have your newest couple!
According to The Sun, 24-year-old Ed and 37-year-old Nicole started hanging out shortly after she called it quits with Lewis Hamilton back in February. Sources say they’ve been going on pub dates, one of which happened in Ed’s hometown (which is surprisingly not the Shire). They claim Nicole has also dedicated songs to Ed during private shows, and they’ve been hanging out backstage at some of his. One of Ed’s friends says he’s been open about Nicole with his close friends and colleagues, adding that they’re “definitely tight.” And one of Nicole’s friends – who I secretly hope is my favorite Pussycat Doll, Carmit Bachar – says they’re “extremely close” and that “Nicole says he is the male version of her.” Um, what? Can Pearle Vision send Nicole Scherzinger a coupon for a complimentary eye exam, because she clearly needs one.
I thought Ed Sheeran was already somebody’s boyfriend, but apparently he broke up with his long-term piece back in May, so this Sheerzinger business could actually be happening. But obviously, they can’t confirm anything until Nicole passes Taylor Swift’s best friend relationship approval screening test (ie. You willingly give up the coveted second-from-the-left spot to Taylor in your first group date picture together).
Pic: Instagram
The Sensitive Ginger Hobbit To The Rescue! (UPDATE)
While Nicki Minaj explained on Instagram that the shit she said about the MTV VMA nominations wasn’t about Taylor Swift, and Katy Perry tried to slap down Tay with a tweet that read like it was written by a drunk spambot with untreated Dyslexia, Ed Sheeran came to the defense of the singing prairie scarecrow.
Ed, who I guess is the reverse Anybodys of Tay Tay’s all-girl gang, tells Australia’s The Daily Telegraph that Taylor is not in the wrong at all and Nicki doesn’t know what she’s talking about since Beyonce, who is not built like a tetherball pole, was nominated for Video of the Year. Here’s Ed trying to get enough gold stars from Tay to move up ranks in her squad:
“I think everyone knows that Taylor has done nothing wrong in that situation. She didn’t nominate herself for the awards. It’s not her fault, she just made some good videos and people think they’re good. And I think the Minaj point is a bit redundant, her point is that you have to be skinny and white to get a video of the year nomination but Beyonce’s 7/11 is in there and that is celebrating the female figure in every form.”
BUT WAIT! Ed tweeted to Buzzfeed UK that what The Daily Telegraph posted is not really what he meant.
“That’s taken out of context and not what I was saying was redundant at all. I was making a point about body image and not race, whilst sticking up for a mate, I definitely said it wrong though, apologies.”
I took Ed’s first statement as: “Listen, I want her to fuck me one day, so I’m just going to back her up no matter what.” I took Ed’s second statement as: “Shit, they’re turning on me now. ABORT! ABORT!”
But I still expect the other members of Tay Tay’s mob to jump into the ring for her ass. Lena Dunham will write an 8,000 word think piece where she’ll only talk about the Nicki and Taylor thing for a couple of paragraphs before going on and on about the time she fucked herself with a remote control while watching Hoobastank perform at the ’04 VMAs. Jaime King will prove her allegiance to Taylor by naming her son Nick E. Ismeen. And Lourde won’t do anything public. She’ll just cast a black magic spell against Nicki and Katy in her lair in a Hot Topic storage room.
UPDATE: Taylor tweeted an apology to Nicki today. I guess she finally let someone in her PR team take over:
I thought I was being called out. I missed the point, I misunderstood, then misspoke. I'm sorry, Nicki.
@NICKIMINAJ
— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) July 23, 2015
Aaaaand Nicki forgave her:
That means so much Taylor, thank you. @taylorswift13 ❤️❤️❤️
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) July 23, 2015
But right after Nicki hugged Taylor, she went over to Katy and hugged her while whispering the words, “I hate that bitch too,” in her ear.
— NICKI MINAJ (@NICKIMINAJ) July 23, 2015
Who Is Morrissey Hating On Now?
Grumpy glum cunt Morrissey is back for another episode of “Yes, Morrissey Hates Life More Than You Do.” Morrissey is flipping off the clouds and slapping the wind while touring the US and to promote his show in Colorado, the British ball of vegan bitterness decided to give his thoughts on the current state of music while talking to Boulder Weekly. Of course, his thoughts on the current state of music are certified bitchy and I love it. Morrissey believes that the mainstream music industry is just a backed-up toilet that keeps spewing out more and more shit. Morrissey thinks that everybody is over-marketed and the likes of slut-shaming crooner Sam Smith and jolly Hobbit Ed Sheeran are only big because their labels force fed their music into our ear holes. Tell it, Morrissey!
“There are no bands or singers who become successful without overwhelming marketing. There are no surprise success stories. Everything is stringently controlled, obvious and predictable and has exactly the same content. So, we are now in the era of marketed pop stars, which means that the labels fully control the charts, and consequently the public has lost interest. It’s very rare that a record label does something for the good of music. Thus we are force-fed such as Ed Sheeran and Sam Smith, which at least means that things can’t possibly get any worse. It is sad, though. There’s no spontaneity now, and it all seems to be unsalvageable.”
Out of all the singers he could’ve labeled as “crap” he goes with Sam Smith and Ed Sheeran? Okay.
I’m with Morrissey on a couple of things, but he lost me at “no surprise success stories.” Has Morrissey never heard of Susan Boyle who was plucked from a cat fur-covered sofa and turned into a not-at-all-controlled-or-marketed star?! Also, Morrissey should brace himself, because mainstream music can get a lot worse. I mean, Iggy Azalea is coming out with a new album next year.
Anyway, now you can go ahead and add Sam Smith’s music and Ed Sheeran’s music to the never-ending list of things that Morrissey can’t stand. You know what? At this point it’s probably just easier to write “EVERYTHING” over that list and call it a day.
Ed Sheeran Thinks Taylor Swift Should Date Orlando Bloom
You know, “date” is such a strong word, especially when it comes to a hot hit-it-and-quit-it piece like Orlando Bloom. Fuck several times, yes, but can you imagine dating that? Eventually you’d have to have an awkward conversation about all that random surfer bro jewelery and that tragic tribal sun tattoo on his upper dick area, and I’m not sure it would be worth it. However, someone thinks it would be, and that person is human-sized orange-flavoured singing Fruit Wrinkle Ed Sheeran.
Ed Sheeran told Now magazine (via HuffPo) that he thinks Legolas Greenleaf would be a great match for his boy-crazy BFF Taylor Swift, and he’s hoping they might consider getting together. According to Ed Sheeran, they have a lot in common: they live in the same building, and…well, that’s about it – they live in the same building:
“He’s lovely, and they live in the same building. [I’m hoping that] the magic might present itself eventually.”
Tay Tay has said recently that she’s taking a bit of a break from dating, so Ed might have to wait a bit for that “magic” to happen, but when it does, he’ll know. Hell, we’ll ALL know; Tay Tay is papped at least 4 times a day walking in and out of her building, so it will be CODE BLUE the second she steps out with someone who isn’t a cat.
Here’s more of Tay Tay’s potential next break-up song in Cancun with some mystery blonde that I choose to believe has been hired by Orlando to apply SPF-50 to his upper dick area tribal sun. Nobody wants sun burnt skin flakes falling onto their balls!
Pics: Splash
So Ariana Grande Latte Performed At The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Tonight….
That moment when a model wonders how she accidentally walked into the Gap Kids Lingerie Fashion Show instead of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.
Whenever you see a picture of Ariana Grande Latte, you can almost hear Bette Midler channel Angry Subway Dad by screaming, “Sit your whore ass down!” At the Victoria’s Secret Show in London tonight, Bette Midler’s favorite pop singer and idol Ariana Grande Latte performed while looking like a go-go dancer at a baby rave. Ariana had her choice of VS outfits and that’s the shit she went with? She went with a sequined black funeral diaper and oversized Lisa Frank handkerchiefs? But really, who cares what Ariana Grande wore. Nobody cares, because the night belonged to Taylor Swift!
I know I keep calling it the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, but it’s really called The Taylor Swift In Lingerie Spectacular (featuring her BFF Karlie Kloss, some other VS models, Ariana Grande Latte, that ginger hobbit and Hozier). Taylor was casting director, model and star performer. Victoria’s Secret is that she’s Taylor’s #1 fan.
While going through the ten million pictures from tonight’s show, I learned something I really didn’t know before. When you put Tay Tay’s tatas in a push-up bra, they look like they were visited by Tori Spelling’s plastic surgeon.
So that’s the blank space she sings about in that song!
