L’Wren Scott’s Sister Slaps At Mick Jagger’s Peen For Moving On So Fast

When fashion designer L’Wren Scott committed suicide in March, some said she had the serious sads over her financial situation. But L’Wren Scott’s sister Jan Brambough tells The Mirror that her sister probably had the sads because she had to deal with Mick Jagger’s whore ass. When L’ Wren Scott died, the Rolling Stones pressed pause on their tour to give Mick time to mourn. Well, we all grieve in different ways and I guess Mick Jagger grieves by wiping jizz tears from his mourning penis on chocha after chocha. The Rolling Stones’ tour picked up again in Switzerland last week and the Mirror has pictures of Mick and a trick who looks like the aftermath of a Kristen Stewart and Carrie Ann Moss collision snuggling with him on the balcony of his hotel in Zurich. Jan Brambough is disgusted by the pictures and can’t believe that Mick Jagger is out there being Mick Jagger so soon after her sister’s death.

“And people wonder why L’Wren was so depressed? These pictures make me really wonder what Mick is really thinking and feeling. His daughter says that he is still heartbroken and so devastated about losing my sister. And then you see these photos – he will never change. Well at least my sister is happy now. She is with Mum and Dad in Heaven and not hurting in any way now. L’Wren was always at her ­happiest when she was with my mother and father. She never ­recovered ­emotionally after my father passed away, so now they are reunited she will be at peace away from this world.”

The Mirror also adds that a source told them that Mick has been with several tricks since L’Wren’s death.

If we, complete strangers, know that Mick Jagger is an enormous tramp slut and has been an enormous tramp slut since the beginning of time, then I’m sure L’Wren Scott knew that his dick has visited more coochies than Tampax has. Jan Brambough must be new here, because she’s the only one who is shocked by the fact that come rain, shine or the death of his longtime partner, Mick Jagger is going to stay slutty. If only The Long Island Medium wasn’t a complete fraud. She’d be able to speak to L’Wren and tell Jan, “L’Wren told me to tell you, ‘Let a ho be a ho.’“

Everything Is A Lie: The Long Island Medium Called Out As A Fraud

Most of you aren’t even SLYCIC (copyright: God Warrior, never 4get), but I’m sure that for years you’ve been sensing a strong feeling that the Long Island Medium is full of bullshit. Your senses might be right. Author and investigator Ron Tebo has testimonies and stories from some of her followers and people she works with that proves that she’s nothing but a shameless, greedy, charlatan who makes money from swindling grieving people. Ron says that the Long Island Medium couldn’t sense a spirit if one wet farted up her nostril.

Ron tells Radar that he’s got Theresa Caputo’s number and for over a year he’s been investigating her shady act. Ron talked to Theresa’s associates and clients and learned that she uses old timey cold reading techniques and background checks to fool people. According to Ron, the mash-up of Jennifer Aniston, the Bride of Frankenstein and Kate Gosselin’s old possum hair is pretty much a professional guesser and trickster. She studies somebody’s body language and clothes and asks them vague ass questions like, “Did a living thing in your life die sometime after you were born?” Ron also believes that Theresa runs background checks on some of the audience members of her show. Theresa’s partners in trickery get the names, phone numbers and addresses of audience members from Ticketmaster. When she gets that info, her people run background checks and find out as much info as they can. Apparently, Theresa focuses a lot on the people in the front row.

Ron says that Theresa only shows accurate readings on her TV show, but he talked to some people who went to her show and weren’t impressed.

“She seemed off and almost every reading was like pulling teeth to match up info. She was really grasping at straws and did a lot of ‘fishing,’” one disappointed audience member at the April 5 reading recently complained to Ticketmaster.com. “For the most part, readings were forced and uninspired.”

“Some [readings] were just off the mark,” said another ticket-buyer at a New Orleans show in November.

An audience member recalled to Ticketmaster in her grievance. “Teresa spent the entire time on the first floor. I was a Theresa Caputo believer and watched every one of her shows,” the former fan continues. “My young daughter died this summer and I needed to believe in something. After tonight, I am no longer a believer. There were many grieving people there, hoping for closure, or a sign from their loved ones and 2,490 people left defeated and deflated.”

One of Theresa Caputo’s employees told Radar that even if she is faking it, it doesn’t matter, because she’s bringing people closure (while taking their cash).

I am shocked, appalled and filled with disgust (but that could be from the cabbage juice my mom told me to drink to fix this acid reflux mess)! How dare the Long Island Medium give ghost whisperers out there a bad name. How dare she shit all over the pristine legacy left by consummate medium Sylvia Browne! If the Long Island Medium really could contact spirits, Sylvia Browne would slap her (read: give her a high five) from beyond the grave.

And you should never ever trust a woman whose regular daytime nails don’t even look remotely human.

Guess What? Phil Robertson Still Thinks Every Gay Soul Will Burn Up In Hell’s Chiminea

When A&E put Duck Dynasty’s Phi Robertson on a two-week-long fake suspension for telling GQ that loving man anus is a disgusting sin and that black people were singing the happies during the Jim Crow era, I thought he’d spend his time in the time out corner realizing that maybe he shouldn’t condemn others to the fiery pits of Hell for serious and maybe he shouldn’t cherry pick quotes out of the Bible to serve his own purpose. I thought he’d come out a completely different person and lead the way for marriage equality in Louisiana!!! But nope. Phil Robertson is still out there Phil Robertson-ing.

In a video posted by TMZ that magically appeared days before the debut of Dick Dynasty’s new season, the hillbilly whose family got rich by tricking ducks into thinking they’re gonna get fucked told the congregation at his church during Easter Sunday service that he meant what he said about gays and gay people were just mad at his ass because he told us the truth.

“They were mad at me…. You say, ‘Why’d they get mad at you?’ Because instead of acknowledging their sin, like you had better do, they railed against me for giving them the truth about their sins. Don’t deceive yourselves. You want the verse? The news media didn’t even know it was a verse! They thought I was just mouthing off. Is homosexual behavior a sin? The guy asked me. I said, ‘Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?’ Don’t be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor the idolators nor adulterers nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Pictures of Lindsay Lohan snorting coke off of a john’s ass lips and RiRi inhaling weed smoke from a bong through her nipple slits would be more shocking and surprising than this video of Phil Robertson once again blabbing on about gays not inheriting the kingdom of God. Whatever. My Catholic abuelita taught me that any trick who wears a dirty t-shirt to church is pure basura and you shouldn’t listen to a thing they say. I mean if you’re going to say that gays and hookers aren’t going to Heaven, you should at least wear a Men’s Wearhouse blazer while doing so.

Here’s the video if you need to see it. If there was a thought cloud hanging over Phil’s head, the picture of a throbbing man anus would be in it.

Alec Baldwin Busted In NYC

Alec Baldwin was put into handcuffs in NYC this morning and what’s really shocking is that he wasn’t busted for tearing out the throat of a paparazzo with his teeth after calling him a toxic cocksucking charlatan queen pig. Alec was arrested for the most boring and dumbest thing ever. He was arrested for riding his bike on the wrong side of the street and not having an ID. The Baldwin family refused to comment on this, because they are too busy hanging their heads in shame. A true Baldwin only gets busted for real hood rat stuff like DUIs and pap beating.

InTouch Weekly says that two cops pulled over his bike after he rode on the wrong side of the street. When they asked him for an ID, he said he didn’t have it on him. One source said that Alec was “calm and quiet,” but that source’s first name is obviously “Alec’s” and their last name is “Publicist,” because that throbbing ass vein isn’t even calm and quiet when he sleeps. He snore yells and punches at the air. But another source said that Alec “went ballistic on the cops, screaming at them.” Now THAT’S the Alec we know. The cops should’ve known it was Alec Baldwin when they asked for his ID and he screamed, “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I FUCKING AM YOU GOAT-FOOTED DUMB FUCK DYKE SHIT BRAINED COPS. I WISH I HAD AN ID TO SHOVE UP YOUR ASS!”

TMZ says that Alec was taken to the police station to be properly identified. HA! He was given a ticket for riding the wrong way and for disorderly conduct. Obviously, Hilaria Baldwin wasn’t with him at the time, because if she was she would’ve asked the cops to take a picture of her doing a yoga pose on top of their car for her Instagram account.

Getting a ticket for riding on the wrong side of the street in NYC is dumb and a waste, but if you have the chance to fuck with Alec Baldwin and make the douche water spew out of his ears while he throws a tantrum, you should take it. Besides, Alec deserved to be arrested for wearing that “memaw at a Sunday morning yard sale” visor.

The Definition Of “True Love” Is Meaningless Now: Katie Price Is Getting A Divorce For The 3,495,900th Time

Every divorce court in every county is currently looking for warehouse space to handle all the millions upon millions of divorce papers that will be filed by people who will realize that there’s no way their marriage will work if the marriage between Britain’s second biggest fame whore (behind Simon Cowell, of course) and her third husband (whose name I wouldn’t know if it fucked me good three times and bought me a surf and turf dinner) didn’t work. The wax orange flower who is a gift to the world by association since she gave us earth angel Harvey Price queefed out an ultra dramatic Twitter rant about her marriage this morning. Katie says that her third husband (whose name I wouldn’t know if it knocked on my door, hugged me and gave me lost episodes of Footballers Wives) is a slut bag skank who boned her home wrecking whore of a best friend. The pain of knowing that her third husband of barely a year cheated on her with her friend is more painful than the pain her vagina suffered through when she got athlete’s foot of the puss from letting that dude toe fuck her in her sex tape.

I know you’re probably covered in warm compresses to deal with the SHOCK from learning that Katie Price’s marriage to a stripper she knew for a second has ended, but try to compose yourself to read about her third husband having a full blown sexual affair with her home wrecking slut friend. (Side note: Well, if you’re going to have an affair, you might as well have a full blown one instead of a half blown one, because the latter isn’t enjoyable for anybody.)

Yes, Katie Price is knocked up with her fifth kid (her second with her third husband). So there will be another human who will live a life of inhaling the lead-based orange paint wafting off of their mom’s face and learning a new stepfather’s name every year. Speaking of, I think Harvey Price was just starting to refer to his latest stepfather by his first name instead of, “Hey, you.” Hahaha, no. Harvey Price is too smart for that. He knows that there’s many things in life worth remembering and one of those things is not the name of his mom’s latest husband, because she’s going to get a new one next month.

Here’s sad Katie Price being sad while leaving the house of the best friend who supposedly screwed her husband. Even though she’s all sad inside, Katie is still keeping it glamorous and elegant in ugly coochie cutters, uglier boots and an exquisite garter belt tattoo.

Lindsay Lohan Drank Vodka At Coachella

I know, saying “Lindsay Lohan Drank Vodka At Coachella” is like saying “A Kardashian Lazily Sucked A Black Dick.” You look at those words with blank eyes while slowly chewing your everything bagel with cream cheese and butter and you think to yourself, “And?”

Lindsay Lohan is as good at making smart decisions as she is at properly moisturizing her parched, cotton-mouthed weave, so this weekend she, a supposedly newly sober-ish trick, took her ass to Coachella, a desert booze playground where the dust is laced with coke and the farts coming out of the fake hipsters are made of 90% molly. A source type tells InTouch Weekly that on Saturday, LiLo, who admitted on her reality shit show that she relapsed, was backstage with friends and her sister The Curious Case of Ali Lohan during Kid Cudi’s set and she was sipping a cup full of “clear liquid.” It was obviously water and by “obviously water” I mean obviously vodka since vodka is the Lohan family’s water. The source also claims that they watched LiLo’s friend hand her a vodka soda. The source snorted this out:

“She looked completely out of it. She couldn’t stand up straight and she was frantically chain smoking cigarettes. In one of her hands she had a plastic cup with a clear liquid in it. The group was standing in a small cabana, booth type thing and one of the friends was making regular trips to the bar. I overheard the friend order four vodka sodas and when he carried them back to the group, he handed one to Lindsay and she started drinking it. She didn’t seem to care who saw and none of the group seemed concerned.”

TMZ said that before LiLo went off to CokeHella she vowed that she wouldn’t let the sweet nectar touch her tongue, but that’s like me saying I’m going to go to PornHub and not fap.

On LiLo’s reality shit show on OWN Lindsay: Moving And Setting Alarm Clocks Is Hard, she always farts at the mouth about how she’s SO sober that she can be at a club for hours with her coked-up friends and watch them get drunk while she sips water, because she’s THAT sober. That tells me that this bitch has never been one hundred percent sober while partying with a bunch of drunk bitches. Because nothing makes you want to guzzle down booze like sitting in the middle of a bunch of drunken whores acting a drunken mess.

Pic: Pacific Coast News