During every messy episode of Lindsay Lohan’s reality show masquerading as a serious docu-series called Lindsay on OWN, a commercial for Cliffside Malibu, the latest rehab place she recently spent time in, plays. Who the hell at Cliffside approved that shit, because Lindsay Lohan is the last endorsement they should want. They should pull a Mimi and pretend like they don’t know her ass. But then again, most people have to suck off at least two bottles of Jack Daniels to deal with LiLo’s insufferableness for a full hour, so maybe Cliffside thinks that by the end of the season, they’ll have a bunch of new patients. Genius marketing!
On last week’s episode of Blohan’s Cracked Out Hour Of Delusion, she cried, moaned and bitched about how her agents and managers aren’t pushing to get her cast in movies and that she could’ve been in The Avengers, dammit! LiLo told her life coach AJ Johnson (Hi, Sharane from House Party) that she’s always telling her agents to set her up with meetings and she’ll be there. So on last night’s episode, AJ put LiLo on a call with a Sony executive who greenlights projects. LiLo and the executive supposedly had a really good conversation and made plans to meet the next week when she’s in L.A. But because LiLo is as reliable as a dead fly stuck to a dried turd, she skipped out on the meeting with the Sony executive, because she woke up at 12:00 and the meeting was at 12:30. I guess LiLo needed longer than 20 minutes to take a quick whore bath in the sink and rinse last night’s party and john out of her mouth.
But before LiLo went off to L.A. and blew off that studio executive (and not in the way she usually blows off studio executives), AJ brought up a recent dinner where White Oprah told her that LiLo was back on the bottle. In the clip above, LiLo’s baked Play-Doh face contorts when AJ tells her that she also saw wine in LiLo’s apartment. LiLo denied falling off the wagon and gets pissed at AJ for bringing that shit up in front of the cameras and slaps AJ with some “I thought we were friends” crap. I guess LiLo’s idea of a “truthful docu-series” is a reality show where she doesn’t talk about anything serious and just unpacks boxes on camera all day.
Since LiLo only likes to surround herself with a bunch of Enablerham Lincolns who sew their lips to her asshole, she dropped AJ from her life. LiLo was supposed to stay with AJ while she was in L.A. and that didn’t happen. LiLo didn’t call AJ while she was in L.A. and refused to let OWN’s cameras film her. When they both went back to NYC, they had an awkward conversation at a restaurant. LiLo eventually made her tortured assistant tell AJ that she didn’t want to talk to her. AJ quit and LiLo continued to be LiLo.
LiLo later admitted in the episode that she drank a glass of wine, which means she probably really guzzled down Trader Joe’s entire wine section in two hours.
Also during last night’s episode, LiLo canceled a scheduled shoot, which she promised Oprah she wouldn’t do anymore. So far what I’ve learned from watching 5 hours of Lindsay is that LiLo is a freckled faucet of lies, takes responsibility for nothing, blames everyone but herself, is made up of 100% delusion and is Neely O’Hara without the glamour. Basically, I learned shit I’ve known about LiLo since before Obama was president. Thanks, Oprah!
And after AJ broke up with that crazy disaster, she probably went home and celebrated by doing the House Party dance: