Bitch Got Busted: The Stephen Baldwin Edition

May 2, 2014 / Posted by:

The Rob Kardashian of the Baldwin family (or is Rob the Stephen Baldwin of the Kardashians? Something to ponder) and star of one of the most culturally significant films of all time, Bio-Dome, was arrestedin Manhattan on Friday for literally the most Stephen Baldwin-iest of reasons: driving with a suspended license and┬áhaving an expired temporary registration sticker. Not surprising, considering we are talking about a man who’s questionable choices lead him to getting a Hannah Montana tattoo.

According to TMZ, everyone’s favorite idiot Baldwin (no, that’s correct: I said idiot, not raging asshole) was stopped this morning around 7am by a cop who noticed the expired Texas registration on his vehicle. Fun Fact! Stephen Baldwin lives in New York, not Texas, so right away it’s obvious we’re dealing with a brilliant man. Which brings us to mistake no. 2.

When the cop asked to see Stephen’s license and registration, he handed over the same suspended license that got him arrested back in 2012. He literally would have been better off handing the cop a picture of him dressed as Barney Rubble; at least then the cop might have felt bad enough for him to let him off with a warning.

I don’t understand how this could happen. As a born-again Christian, isn’t he required to have one of those “Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly” visor clips? Clearly his guardian angel needs to sit him down and explain how things work. “Listen Stephen, I know my job is to keep you safe, but that only works if you’re not breaking a bunch of laws, dummy.”

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