Category: Christmas Shit
The Queen Has Cancelled Her Annual Family Christmas Party In Sandringham
This is terrible news for anyone whose Christmas Day isn’t complete until they’ve seen Queen Elizabeth and her closest DNA relations put on their best hats and wool coats and get photographed walking to and from a church in Norfolk, England. I’m sorry, but your Christmas is ruined! And you have The Queen herself to thank for it (I’m sure if you send an angry letter now, she’ll receive it by the 25th). Buckingham Palace announced earlier today that The Queen’s annual holiday family tradition of gathering at her big fancy estate, Sandringham House, isn’t going to happen this year.
Melania Trump Be Bested Herself With The White House Christmas Decorations This Year
A literal interpretation of the trainwreck that is the Trump Presidency is currently chug-chug-chugging its way through The White House towards its inevitable fiery conclusion thanks to Melania Trump’s newly revealed Christmas display. Keen eyes will also spot subtle nods to other administrative disasters such as a sequined COVID hospital emergency room and a boat in obvious distress representing the capsized vessels of the Lake Travis Trump Boat Parade. Despite not giving a fuck about “the Christmas stuff and decorations,” The Slovenian Grinch acted on the Be Bester angles of her nature and created a display so chilling, it makes her Evil Queen of The Blood Forest motif from Christmas 2018, look as innocuous as a holiday display in a Cracker Barrel gift shop.
Open Post: Hosted By The Prematurely Glittering Christmas Lights Of Bridgwater
This blush-inducing little debacle surprises no one, of course. When a man presses down too hard in hopes of flooding the terrain with something… glistening, sometimes accidents happen, and they happen in the form of an early arrival. Put two men on the job and the timing issue is pretty much guaranteed. According to HuffPo, the officials and residents of the town of Bridgwater in Somerset, England rolled with the syncing glitch in good humor.
Pete Davidson Will Play George Bailey In A Charity Table Read Of “It’s A Wonderful Life”
Today’s reason for pinching your own arm and thinking, “Hmmm, that’s weird…I must be able to feel pinch-based pain in this dream” is the news that SNL’s Pete Davidson has signed on for a charity table read of the holiday classic It’s A Wonderful Life. And they’re not working off a rare script that includes a character named Cousin Pete who repeatedly gets caught stealing codeine cough syrup by Mr. Gower at the drug store. That would make it a much more interesting movie, but they’re reading from the original script and he’ll play George Bailey.
Open Post: Hosted By This FedEx Driver Jamming Out To “All I Want For Christmas Is You”
I love belting out my favorite songs in the car. Good for anxiety, good for the soul! But because I live in the city and use public transportation, I am forced to remain silent. UNTIL… face masks! Now I can put on my headphones, lip sync to my heart’s content, and no one is the wiser. Literally the only positive to the pandemic. But this FedEx driver doesn’t give a shit what anybody thinks. He was filmed busting out an impressively committed lip-sync performance to Mariah Carey’s holiday classic “All I Want For Christmas Is You”. You may say it’s too early, but, for people working for FedEx, UPS, the post office, etc, the holiday season is upon them. Clicky clicky! Shoppy shoppy! The FedEx driver’s video was so popular that Mariah herself responded on social media.
Open Post: Hosted By Fireball Holiday Nog
Fireball Whisky has a new product for people to consume during the coming Holiday season which will no doubt be fraught with emotions over the plethora of 2020’s fuckery. Although there’s a catch, it doesn’t have whisky in it! That cruel fuck 2020 would offer up some Fireball nog without a drop of booze in it.
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