Diddy And Cassie’s Love Can’t Be Destroyed By A Cellphone Fight

It’s just like that old saying, you know? The couple who wears giant matching diamond rings together, stays together after a cellphone fight in Beverly Hills (that’s a saying, right?). Two weeks ago, Diddy and Cassie reminded everyone they were still together by getting into a messy breakup fight in a car that ended with him stealing her cellphone and her mom calling the police. It sounded like the “U” in Cassie’s “Me & U” was no longer Diddy. However, some sources were saying that nobody was planning a “Congratulations, your crotch is free!” party for Cassie or Diddy just yet, because they breakup a lot and it usually doesn’t last. Looks like the sources were right on that one.

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Things Got Messy Between Diddy And Cassie On Wednesday Night

It’s been so long since I’ve heard anything about Diddy and his sexy life partner Cassie, that I just assumed they weren’t together anymore. I figured Cassie had moved on to another millionaire with only one name (probably Snoopy), while Diddy had made the next logical relationship step for a crazy rich guy: a $2.5 million high-tech robot from Japan called the miWife. As it turns out, they were still very much together. Well, at least until Wednesday night they were.

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P. Diddy Punched Drake For Hitting On His Girlfriend At A Party And Put Him In The Hospital

I’ll give you three guesses as to where this dramatic mess took place. Oh fuck it, it happened at Art Basel in Miami (as if I really needed to even say it). So the past couple of days haven’t been so great for the soft-spoken snuggle prince of Canada. On Saturday, he found himself in the middle of a high school internet fight between Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran after he was accused of going on “dates” with Karrueche while Chris was locked up in jail. And then on Sunday – well, technically Monday, since this all went down at 4am (4am? WTF? Who parties at 4am when you could be sleeping?), Drake found his face on the receiving end of P. Diddy’s fist in the middle of a club.

It’s not exactly clear what started the fight, but there are two theories. According to the NY Daily News, Drake said something to Diddy’s girlfriend Cassie. Some sources say he was flirting, while other say he said something rude. Regardless, Diddy stepped in and whooped Wheelchair Jimmy. But according to Page Six, the fight had nothing to do with Cassie; sources claim that Drake and Diddy were arguing over the rights to a song and that’s when Diddy popped Drake in face.

Either way, it ended with Drake dislocating his shoulder and being taken to the hospital. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to light a new candle in my Drake shrine (aka a pile of Tim Horton’s timbits on a Degrassi Panthers jersey) and pray that Diddy didn’t mess up his beautiful unfrozen caveman face. I don’t care if he was hitting on Cassie or not, Diddy – you better not have fucked up Drake’s moneymaker!

And if Drake can learn anything from this weekend, it’s that he needs to close his gentle hugging arms to taken women.

Feds Think Diddy Is F.O.P. (Friend of Pedobear)?

What’s that’s hurtling out of left field at us? Oh, it’s just federal investigators quizzing a drug lord about whether or not Diddy likes em’ Elmo-style. That’s new. Maybe he got sick of Skrillex hair?

The Smoking Gun has some truly painful legalese about this sitch concerning Sean Combs and former music mogul and alleged cocaine cowboy James Rosemond. Watching a shit-ton of Dateline ID programs about swamp girlfriends who kill hasn’t made me the legal genius I thought it would because I was nodding off while reading this mess. But here’s the gist.

In an affidavit, Rosemond (aka “Jimmy Henchman“) testified that he was asked by the feds about the scandalous lives of several celebrities he knew. One of these celebs being Diddy. Puffy/Diddy/Puffy Diddy/Dad Puffy/Whatever The Fuck He Calls Himself Now and Rosemond had business dealings in the past and had a “cordial relationship”.

A prosecutor, Rosemond continued, then “asked about entertainers sexual preferences, including, but not only, Sean Combs having sexual relationships with under age boys.” Again, Rosemond provided no context for these alleged queries.

This sounds like one of the investigators reads too much Life & Style while watching many a USA Network Law & Order: SVU marathon. Diddy doesn’t read like he’ll be Chris Hansen’s next guest for iced tea. That’s not his speed. Jerking off in front of a mirror while Biggie’s taxidermied corpse watches in the background? Totally.

Here’s Diddy and Cassie leaving Hakkasan in Beverly Hills last week. Is she wearing Fashion Genius Yeezus’ leather jogging pants? Is that why a distraught Puffy might have picked up the lease on Neverland Ranch?

Pics: Splash

Diddy And Kate Upton Might Be A Thing (UPDATE)

Diddy seems to always be dating Cassie, but I guess he pushed her to the side again, because he was supposedly moisturizing the sexy all over Kate Upton at LIV in Miami on March 23. Kate stopped humping on Detroit Tigers pitcher Justin Verlander a couple of months ago and now some source tells the NYDN that she’s rubbing her nips all over Diddy’s gold grill.

One witness type said that they saw Diddy and Kate stabbing each other’s mouths with their tongues at LIV and “they weren’t trying to hide it.” Then last Thursday, Diddy and Kate had dinner at Gemma in NYC. So all signs point to they’re doing it part-time.

Kate is 20 and Diddy is 43. Kate could probably get a million rich dudes and Diddy never closes his mouth and most likely tastes like tonsil stones and JLo’s dirty ass. So I’m not sure why this is happening. Maybe Kate Upton figures that since she’s at the age where it’s okay to blatantly make shitty decisions, she might as well blatantly make as many shitty decisions as she can. She already made this shitty decision (Note: posing for Terry Richardson sometimes leads to him jizzing on your face) and this shitty decision (Note: letting a horse nibble on your crotch is never a good idea, ask all of Trace Cyrus’ ex-girlfriends), so she figures that she might as well make a few more. I guess that one day in the future, Kate wants to be able to tell her grandkids, “Diddy drank Cristal out of my cooch on a yacht once!”

UPDATE: Diddy’s tongue was not down Kate Upton’s throat, according to Diddy.

The Hottest Boy On Girls Quits Girls

I should correct that title. Personally, I think that Adam is the hottest guy on Girls, because I’m gross and have a thing for long-faced, Afghan Hound-looking dudes who look like they smell like snots and always have crusty sleepies in their eyes. Glad I could clear that up.

Page Six says that Christopher Abbott, who plays Charlie on Girls, figuratively flipped Lena Dunham off, pushed the emergency exit and slid down the inflatable yellow slide to freedom. A source says that as soon as shooting for season 3 started, Charlie and Lena Dunham started fighting about the direction of his character. Season 2 ended (SPOILER ALERT) with Charlie getting back together with the oh-so-pube-pulling-annoying Marnie after he got rich from inventing some app. Christopher Abbot’s rep confirmed that he’s not going to be on the show next season:

“[Chris] is grateful for the experience of collaborating with Lena, Judd [Apatow], and the entire ‘Girls’ cast and crew, but right now he’s working on numerous other projects and has decided not to return to the show.”

A rep for HBO said that Lena Dunham will slap a black curly wig on her right tit and it will resume the role of Charlie.