Balthazar Getty #tooktotwitter To Defend Farrah Abraham Against Vivica A. Fox And Some Lady Named “Scary Mary”

Hold onto your hats folks, I’m about to go drop some proper Dlisted dynamite on that ass. This story features not 1, not 2, but 3 “celebrities” who are out here #inthesestreets punching and scratching their way to the lower-middle. Or upper-bottom. Ok, middle-bottom. Balthazar Getty worked himself into quite a tizzy and #tooktotwitter to rush to the defense of Farrah Abraham who appeared on Vivica A. Fox’s new talk show called Face The Truth. Were drugs involved? Yes they were. Is one of the participants a middle aged DJ/Rapper? Yes they are. Did somebody get called a C-U-NEXTTUESDAY? Abso-fucking-lutely.

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Balthazar Getty Says Cheating With Sienna Miller Made His Marriage Stronger

Now let’s go all the way back to 2008 when Sienna Miller was inducted into the Famous Homewreckers Hall of Fame after getting with actor and Getty heir Balthazar Getty. Back then a single Sienna hooked up with Balthazar who was very married at the time to the mother of his four kids Rosetta Getty. Eventually Sienna and Balthazar called their affair off, and he went crawling back to Rosetta.

Some would think that leaving his wife and four kids – FOUR KIDS – so that he could bang Factory Girl on a series of expensive boats would be enough for Rosetta to leave her dead marriage in the morgue, but the opposite happened. She took him back two years later.

Balthazar – who is now a DJ, apparently – recently spoke to the Evening Standard (via Daily Mail) about The Sienna Years. Balthazar considers what happened with Sienna seven years ago to be “ancient history” and he doesn’t like to talk about it anymore. What he would like to talk about is how Sienna’s cooch should seriously consider getting certified as a couples counselor, because his marriage to Rosetta is “stronger” than before. Balthazar also released this nugget of cheater enlightenment:

“Without going down, you can’t rise again.”

Poor Sienna. “Going down?” What did she do to deserve such barely-subtle shade? Oh, right. But like Balthazar is one to talk: rising and going down on someone other than Rosetta was what got him in trouble in the first place.

Here’s Balthazar looking like a barber from The Matrix with his wife at a charity event last month.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Roger Ebert’s Last Word On His Twitter Fight With Bam Margera

Sadly, the Roger Ebert and Bam Margera bitch fight did not end with one them beating the other in a fart mask duel. It ended with Roger Ebert writing on his website that he regrets that Bam Margera and others took his “friends don’t let jackasses drive drunk” Tweet as mean because that’s not how he meant it.

In case you were busy swallowing a gold fish before barfing it up in a bowl, shortly after Ryan Dunn killed himself and his friend by crashing into a tree, Roger wrote a Tweet that burned Bam’s b-hole. Bam called Roger a “piece of shit” who needs to “shut his fucking mouth.” Roger explained himself like this:

To begin with, I offer my sympathy to Ryan Dunn’s family and friends, and to those of Zachary Hartwell, who also died in the crash. I mean that sincerely. It is tragic to lose a loved one. I also regret that my tweet about the event was considered cruel. It was not intended as cruel. It was intended as true.

I have no way of knowing if Ryan Dunn was drunk at the time of his death. What I knew before posting my tweet was that not long before his death, he posted a photo on Tumbler showing himself drinking with two friends.

Roger then went on to write about the details of Ryan’s last night. Roger then admits that maybe he should’ve sat on his fingers for a little bit before he wrote a Drunk Driving PST (Public Service Tweet).

I don’t know what happened in this case, and I was probably too quick to tweet. That was unseemly. I do know that nobody has any business driving on a public highway at 110 mph, as some estimated — or fast enough, anyway, to leave a highway and fly through 40 yards of trees before crashing. That is especially true if the driver has had three shots and three beers. Two people were killed. What if the car had crashed into another car?

I think we’re all missing something here. I’m talking about how fucking weird it is that Roger Ebert and Bam Margera are slapping at each other on Twitter of all places? The Internet is a hell of a motherfucking drug. I would expect a shopping cart derby between the ghost of Gene Siskel and my old skater boy neighbor who ate his own scabs before I’d expect a stupid ass fight between Roger Ebert and Bam Margera.

Roger was right, Bam was half-right and now that this is finally over the former can go back to shooting out shiny beautiful gems like this:

Sam Sung | June 21, 2011 10:42 AM | Reply

Dear Mr. Ebert,

I would be interest in building condos in your hollow jaw. We can split the profits 50/50. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks! Sam

Ebert: My jaw as it now exists was designed by Frank Gehry, and has landmark status.

Eyes That Only A Cucumber Could Love

Okay, that headline is not entirely true or fair. Yes, cucumbers would love to gently lay on top of Vince Vaughn’s swollen stuffed bags and soothe them until they no longer look like miniature versions of Lisa Rinna’s anal gland lips, but we can all learn to love them. If you look at them through permanent perverted eyes (aka my eyes) and access the part of your imagination that’s run by your genitals, Vince Vaughn’s double carry-on eye bags sort of, kind of look like tiny crooked labias! If you look at ’em that way, then you will definitely love them. How can you not love labia eye bags?

If you sat on his peen and stuck your tongue between his under eye pussy bags, it would be like having a simplified bi-sexual threesome! And you don’t have to worry about an extra pair of legs kicking you in the head. I bet there’s a little cream in between there, so it would be like eating the real thing! Since I put it that way, right?

Here’s more of Labia Eyes Vaughn at last night’s Chrysalis Butterfly Ball in L.A. with: Ashley Greene, Meadow Soprano, Jennifer Garner, Olivia Wilde, Noxzema Girl, McSteamy, Brad from The Chupa Zoe Project, Sienna Miller’s ex-whore with his wife, a midget lesbian in drag as Steve Buscemi and Ryan Phillippe.

“How We Survived Whoreicane Sienna”

Balthazar Getty and the mother of his 4 chirruns, Rosetta Getty, are back together and making their marriage work after he publicly took a wild ride on Sienna Miller’s bull dozer vagina back in 2008. In case you didn’t read the Book of Balthazar in Sienna’s homewrecking bible, Balthazar dropped his wife and kids to to join Sienna’s worldwide whore tour for about a year. Sienna made all us shameless skanks proud when she smugly smiled for the paps while grabbing onto Balthazar’s claimed crotch with her titties out. It was a crowning achievement for the homewreckers of the world!

There were rumors that Sienna kept trying to snatch off Balthazar’s wedding band with her claw crane cooch, but he wasn’t interested in getting divorced from Rosetta. Eventually, Sienna went off to another victim and Balthazar was left sitting in the middle of the wreckage with a new itch on his dick lips and loneliness in his heart. So he ran back to his wife who left the door to their house wide open. Balthazar tells Harper’s Bazaar (via Page Six):

“Here’s the bottom line: It was a very challenging time for everybody involved. But I loved and missed my family too much not to make it work. [Wife] Rosetta is understanding enough and spiritual enough to let us try.”

Meaning, Rosetta understands that Getty money is better when you’re still married to a Getty and she saw the light several times while fucking on her own side-pieces while Balthazar passed the peen to Sienna. That’s exactly why Rosetta is throwing a “Yup, I got mine” look in the picture above.

My slut hero Sienna Miller is the real winner here, because she no longer has to wake up to Balthazar’s untamed and malnourished brows every day.

Who Was Sienna Miller Lingerie Shopping With?

Page Six is saying that Sienna Miller was out buying panties this week at Only Hearts in NYC with her ex-fuck buddy DJ Slinky Wizard. There were reports that Sienna recently left DJ Slinky’s ass on the curb, because she couldn’t deal with a long-distance relationship. It’s true. If Sienna’s genitals don’t get fed every 24 hours, we all suffer.

But some source seems to think Sienna and DJ Slinky rekindled their romance, because they acted like a couple while shopping at Only Hearts. The source added, “George was talking about how he was excited about their plans for the night.”

HOWEVER, Gawker claims Sienna was shopping at Only Hearts, but was with Balthazar Getty instead of DJ Slinky Wizard. Also, Sienna and Balthy were caught getting manicures together earlier this week.

So basically this is looking like Sienna’s vag never let go of Balthazar’s peen. Sienna was probably just using DJ Slinky Wizard to distract us all from the fact that she’s still fucking on Balthazar. That cunning slut.

It’s also looking like Balthazar loves polish on his nails and silk on his nalgas.