With Nick Cannon safely in the hospital for the moment and Elon Musk otherwise occupied with preserving freedom of speech for all whitemankind, the erratic market for looming babies’ futures is at an all-time low. Or it was until Baldwin Babies Inc. CEO Hilaria Baldwin appeared on Extra to announce their 4th quarter projections, hinting at the possibility of one or more looming baby offerings in the new year. As we know, Baldwin Babies Inc. has been under SIEGE this year after CIO (Chief Insemination Officer) Alec Baldwin was involved in the accidental shooting death of cinematographer Halnya Hutchins while moonlighting as a producer/actor on the film Rust. CEO Hilaria noted in her announcement that while the BBI is “not ok,” and “can’t be ok” following the tragedy, Alec has yet to “do his part,” (*SNIP SNIP* see above) to thwart BBI’s prospects for a bountiful 2023.
Hilaria Baldwin Said That She Used To Judge Couples With Big Age Differences Before Alec Baldwin Came Along
Since Hilaria Baldwin said that she’s most likely disarming her still-smoking baby cannon for good, she instead recently shat out a podcast called Witches Anonymous where she and her co-host, Michelle Campbell Mason, “explore women’s relationships with each other – both as the strongest support system and the fiercest adversaries.” The first episode debuted yesterday, and Hilaria hilariously said that she used to judge couples with a large age difference, but now that she’s in one, her previous thought that the younger person in the relationship had to be a gold-digging bimbo was a complete misconception.
Hilaria Baldwin Says That She And Alec Baldwin Are Probably Done Having Babies, But “Time Will Tell”
Hilaria Baldwin has a new podcast since her last one went so well. Hilaria’s new podcast will focus on “sisterhood in pop culture.” And since that topic isn’t interesting in the least or believable coming from her, she decided that stoking speculation that she and Alec will maybe keep the bebé train rolling by basically saying “never say never” would be the best way to go about promoting her new project–since she’s constructed her entire personality around being a womb on legs.
Production Will Resume On “Rust” After Alec Baldwin And The Producers Have Reached A Settlement Agreement With Halyna Hutchins’ Family
A week has come and gone and still no word from the Santa Fe District Attorney’s office as to whether or not they will be filing criminal charges against anybody for the on-set shooting death of cinematographer Halyna Hutchins on the set of Rust. Similarly, Alec Baldwin and his wife have gone an entire week without having another baby, so one might assume that no progress at all has been made on either getting justice for Halyna’s death or in the creation of a new Baldwinito to help keep us focused on the importance of living in one’s truth. But that’s not the case. Deadline reports that Halyna’s husband Matthew Hutchins has reached a settlement agreement with Alec and other Rust producers in the wrongful death suit he filed against them back in February. Surprisingly, the settlement would give Matthew a producing credit on Rust, and production is set to resume in January with “all the original principal players,” including director Alec and the man he also shot, director Joel Souza.
Alec Baldwin May Be One Of Four Defendants The Santa Fe District Attorney Plans To Criminally Prosecute In The “Rust” Shooting Death Of Halyna Hutchins
How long does the euphoria of having a newborn baby last? Being childless myself I’m gonna have to guess at least a good three/four months unless you’re Hilaria Baldwin, in which case, what, two days? Three at the most. Either way, Alec Baldwin is screwed because less than two days after announcing the birth of his eighth child, here comes the law threatening to harsh his vibe in a major way. The New York Post reports that the Santa Fe Sheriff’s Office is about to release their investigation into the shooting death of Halyna Hutchins on the set of Rust and the Santa Fe District Attorney has filed an emergency request for funds “to prosecute up to four people in connection with the incident,” and “one of the possible defendants is well known movie actor Alec Baldwin.” He’s, how do you say… “fucked?” Because given the circumstances of the past year, he can hardly use the excuse that he was shooting blanks.
When Alec Baldwin is not busy combating his many enemies and withholding his phone from the authorities, he’s welcoming another kid into the world. Yes, there’s a brand new Baldwinito on the scene. I guess Hilaria Baldwin took that “somos un buen equipo” engraving on her wedding band seriously because she’s now just three kids short of un fútbol team! Alec might want to train up some of those kids in the legal arts instead of kicking a soccer ball because a new child isn’t going to win him sympathy points. Unless that baby comes with a Harvard law degree, Alec will still have to face the consequences of his actions in court.