Let’s start off the morning with a big cup of Kanye West’s freshly squeezed delusion juice. It tastes even better with a slice from his buttmade bullshit pie.

Mr. Kanye West is speaking again, but he’s not ranting this time. No, this time he’s just talking out of his perfectly waxed ass. In an interview with AP Kanye said he is the voice of his generation. Ah. It’s going to be a long day….

Kanye said, “I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice (MK Note: He’s got that part right). It’s me settling into that position of just really accepting that it’s one thing to say you want to do it and it’s another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan. There were people who had the potential to do it but they went on vacation, so when Justin (Timberlake) went on vacation I made albums. And it just came out to be that.”

Kanye is just so fucking cute. When he puts on that whole “I’m the greatest big boy in the world” routine, I just want to pat him on top of the head, give him a milk bone and then rub his belly. It’s like when Mariah Carey tries to act. You just have to say “awwww.” It’s so endearing!

P.S. – Did Kanye say that Justin Timberlake could have been the voice of his generation? Hell no. Somebody wake Kanye and hand me my extra straitjacket. It’s time to take a long drive…..

Forgive me chickens, for I have sinned. It’s been almost two weeks since my last post about international supermodel Phoebe Price. So which skin doctor’s office has she been hiding in? I KID! Chicken Cutlets is a natural beauty and those who say otherwise are JELIS H8RS!!1!!!

The very international PP has been busy…well…being international! Chicken Cutlets was gracing her poultry glamour on the lovely country of Sweden where she was personally invited by the royal family to attend the “Quantum of Solace” premiere. Okay, I made up that “royal family” part, but it’s probably true. They probably realized that Sweden needs to learn the art of posing with inanimate objects and they need the greatest to teach them this! How do you say “chicken cutlets” in Swedish anyway? According to google translator (which is shit, I’m sure), it’s “kyckling cutlets.” Viva Kyckling Cutlets!

Now that PP’s mission in Sweden is complete, she’s back in America doing what she does best: posing anywhere and everywhere! Here’s some pictures of Chicken Cutlets exposing Henry’s kibbles and bits while being stunningly supermodel-y on the streets of Los Angeles!

The two of you that still watch “Stylista” know what I’m talking about when I say: WTF is up with Cologne’s eyelashes?! I could barely concentrate while watching this shit show last night, because I couldn’t stop staring at the chunky spider legs covered in tar that sit on her eyelids. I don’t even suffer from arachnophobia and her lashes gave me the chills.

I decided to do a little google detective work to see what I could find about her arthropod-lashes. In an interview with Jolie Nadine, Cologne says her lashes are naturally long, “I get a lot of flack for wearing a lot of mascara, but I just like the 60’s Twiggy look and I was just born with really long thick lashes–I swear I only wear 2 coats.”

Well, then you need to use a half coat, because Tammy Faye is giving you the “no she didn’t” look from heaven.

Forty…I mean…fourTEEN year old Aliana Lohan won’t be able to drive legally for another year or so, but she already can’t wait to start driving. Don’t worry, I’m sure by the time she turns 16, a law will be passed banning all Lohans from getting behind the wheel.

Ali told Life & Style, “I’m so excited. I always ask my mom, ‘Can I drive your car in the parking lot?’ And she’s like, ‘No.’” And what kind of car does she want? “I want a BMW truck!”

I’ve heard of BMW SUVs before, but I’ve never heard of something called a BMW “truck.” I figured that since Ali’s life is filled with luxury, the BMW truck is only something classy people know about. So I decided to google “BMW truck” and this came up:

OH! My uncle used to have one of those! It always sat in his front yard on two bricks. Right next to his custom-made Nissan Sentra convertible!

The Mac Dude and fauxmosexual Tila Tequila were caught doing nasty things together at some club in Los Angeles. Some nosy person with a strong gag reflex told Page Six that the Mac Dude “asked her to straddle him while making out. Eww.” I love that the nosy person said “Ewww.” Only Blair Waldorf would say that shit.

The Mac Dude and Tila have also been seen together at LAX and a club in Las Vegas.

This dude is throwing me off. First, he was getting it on with Drew Barrymore, then he was slapping flour sacks with Kiki Dunst and now Tila?! The fuck? I would expect him to go from Kiki to Mischa Barton and then to the homeless hipster on the corner. But Tila?!

And what happened to Tila and Nay Nay?! Although, Nay Nay sort of looks like the Mac Dude…..if he got hit by a semi-truck, dragged four miles and then thrown into the sewer. Don’t know who Nay Nay is? Google her, you dumb fuck!

Sacha Baron Cohen as Bruno is done terrorizing the runways of Paris and now he’s creating chaos in California for his movie with the really long time. Yesterday at a Yes on Prop 8 rally, the infamous homosexual known as Bruno joined the protesters, waving his banner like a proud queen. When the jig was up and dumb whores started to realize who this blonde flamer really was, he was quickly taken away by his production team.

Wait. The flaming troll in the green is against ze gays marrying?! I mean, you can tell that leprechaun’s manpussy puckers every time he sees a big dick. Even the dude in the black shirt knows that some homo activity is about to go down between Bruno and the homo-elf.

Don’t these dumb bitches have something better to do on a Sunday afternoon? I don’t know… like partake in a little gay sex?

And any of you that vote NO on Prop 8, will automatically get an invitation to one of my weddings. I’m sure I’ll get hitched several times in my life, so there’s a seat waiting for you at one of them. I promise to put a dildo, a bong and an In-N-Out gift certificate in all my gift bags.