Now that Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt have told everyone that their 18 year relationship is done, the blame game in the tabloids can begin. This mess is like the basic cable version of Bennifer 2.0. One side claims that Jon Hamm wants babies and Jennifer Westfeldt doesn’t. Do you blame her? Babies are selfish and will cry loudly for food even if you are trying to get drunk while watching Ladies of London. The other side claims that Jon needed a mother figure and Jennifer filled that role by doing everything for him. I can already see you shameless hos winking at that picture while telling Jon to call you mommy.
UsWeekly echoed a story Star Magazine did back in July. UsWeekly’s source said that they tried to make it work, but realized that they need to call it a day since Jon wants a family full of chirrun and that’s not something Jennifer wants. I don’t know why it took them 18 years to figure that out, but I guess they finally figured it out. People has a different story, though. Their source says that before Jon went to rehab, Jennnifer did everything for him and was more like a mother than a girlfriend. Jennifer tried to keep him in check and was the one who took care of him when he would come home drunker than Dina Lohan. The source went on to say that Jon and Jennifer ended it three weeks ago and everyone figured they would break up once he cleaned up.
The source says Hamm is well-liked among those who work with him on set, where he is known for sending Christmas cards to crew members, but that he also can be “a really dark person.”
“He has always had demons and needed a mother figure in his life,” says the source. “It was generally assumed that they would break up once he got sober, because he didn’t need to lean on her to take care of him so much.”
According to the source, Jon has the sads over the breakup, but he’s going out with his dude friends who are trying to set him up with younger pieces. If both of these stories are true, we shouldn’t be surprised if Jon Hamm shows up to the Emmys in a couple of weeks with his newly knocked up 20-year-old girlfriend.
And these stories are ruining Jon Hamm for me. Now I’m picturing him as a grown man baby who wants other babies around him. There was an episode of TLC’s My Crazy Obsession about this grown dude who lived his life as a baby. He wore a onesie, slept in a crib and sucked on a pacifier. It was forty five levels of what the fuck. That’s how I’m picturing Jon Hamm. What if that thing in Jon Hamm’s pants isn’t the Hammaconda? What if it’s a rattle? I hate People and UsWeekly right now.