James Middleton was interviewed by the app magazine TYD (via UsWeekly) because his sister is famous for marrying a dude whose claim to worldwide fame is being born. But poor James is sick of being known as Duchess Kate’s brother even though that’s the only reason people are checking for him. James wants to be known as James and not as Duchess Kate’s brother. If it makes Duchess Kate’s brother feel any better, I don’t only know him as Duchess Kate’s brother. I also know him as the dude who blow dryed his dick and pubes.

Duchess Kate’s brother talks about how he dropped out of the University of Edinburgh because he has Dyslexia and how he started Boomf, a company that lasers pictures onto marshmallows. Yes, that is a real company he started. Duchess Kate’s brother tells TYD that it’s annoying when people ask him about Duchess Kate.

“Yes, it does get frustrating,” Middleton admitted. “I work incredibly hard — just like every other person in business and work and aside from the fact that yes, I am the brother of someone very important, I am, at the end of the day, just James.”

Boo hoo hoo hoo, bitch. I have zero sympathy for his ass. He’s doing just fine being Duchess Kate’s brother. First of all, he gets to sit at the same table as a drunken Prince Hot Ginge during holidays and afterward they probably play strip billiards. Anybody who regularly gets to see PHG’s ass cheeks royale and ginger crotch scepter shouldn’t complain about anything. Second of all, he’s in the marshmallow business. That is a dream job. Whenever someone at a party asks him what he does for a living, he gets to say, “I am a marshmallow mogul.” What am I saying? Nobody asks him what he does for a living. Like they give a shit. They just ask him what kind of shampoo his sister Duchess Kate uses.

Just call him LaBark James. Or Michael Jordog. I know, I’ll quit while I’m not ahead. This video is from the olden days of 2007, but it started making the rounds again thanks to Reddit. Never mind that Air Bud’s trainer here is obviously a shifty cheater since that ball is deflated, he still has skills and can work a ball better than me (“But really, who can’t?” – all of my ex-boyfriends). If this dog isn’t balancing balls up in heaven, an NBA team needs to pick him up, because he is a star and he’s the only player they need. He’s a one-dog team. The Harlem Globetrotters, who?

The words “Reserved for Ms. Shepherd” were engraved on a plaque hanging on a door in the Special Place Ward in Hell when Sherri Shepherd wrote off the baby that grew in her surrogate’s womb. When Sherri and her husband Lamar Sally broke up last year, she labeled him a scheming gold digger and accused him of tricking her into the surrogacy situation as a way to get her to pay him child support. Sherri walked away from the unborn baby and made it clear she wanted nothing to do with the kid ever. The already disgustingly messy situation got messier when Lamar sued Sherri for spousal and child support. Now, the surrogate who carried Sherri and Lamar’s baby has spoken out and is pissed that she’s being hit up for child support. It says a lot when a situation is dangerously close to becoming as fucked up as the Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry situation.

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Those Carter boys are such romantics, you know? First Aaron Carter tries to woo back the long-lost love of his life Hilary Duff by penning some cracked out love poems on Twitter, and now we have his older brother Nick Carter grabbing a handful of his wife’s ass and making fuck faces at the premiere of the documentary Backstreet Boys: Show ‘Em What You’re Made Of last night. If Cupid ever decides to retire, I think I know two blond angels who could take his place.

Because documentaries are the classiest type of film, Paris Hilton’s former crab wrangler decided to pull out all the stops when walking the red carpet with his wife of nine months Lauren Kitt and give her a truly classy red carpet experience. Nick grabbed her ass. Nick mouth fucked her face. Nick was a walking backsreet boner who made everyone in attendance realize that maybe Aaron isn’t the messiest Carter brother.

Meanwhile, his wife Lauren – who looks like she was assembled using old Kim Kardashian parts from 2009 – stood there with the sort of vacant look in her eyes that says “Eh, could be worse – at least I’m not getting dry humped by a dude from O-Town.”

Here’s more of the coupon book version of Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel at the premiere of Backstreet Boys: Show ‘Em What You’re Made Of last night in Los Angeles, as well as all the other Backstreet Boys:

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Hmmm… those chichis look a bit…deflated. Does Katy Perry have to make EVERYTHING about her, even #deflategate?!

At the green round table in the middle of the cafeteria the other day, 14-time HS junior and one of the most popular girls in school Katy Perry told the school newspaper (aka Billboard) that she’s not a shady megabitch or anything, but if a petty whore, who shall remain nameless, tugs at her ponytail, she’s going to tug back, because she lives her life like that Christina Aguilera song “Fighter.” Katy Perry didn’t name names, but we all know she’s talking about 11-time HS freshmen and assistant JV cheerleading captain Taylor Swift. The lamest and most immature high school feud all started when Tay Tay said that her song “Bad Blood” is about a conniving, cunty pop star who is her “straight-up enemy” and tried to sabotage her tour by stealing her back-up dancers. Katy slapped back at Taylor by tweeting: “Watch out for the Regina George in sheep’s clothing.”

While talking about her half-time performance at the homecoming game on Sunday, Katy told the school newspaper that she’s not one to get into the ~dramz~ but she’s not going to let some jealous ho bag twat stick defame her character. “Hah, that bitch Katy defamed her own character and snatch when she fucked that creepy band geek slut John Mayer,” said all of us outcasts while passing a joint behind the gym during last period.

In her new Billboard cover story, Katy Perry wasn’t interested in throwing shade. Keeping her eye on the Super Bowl halftime show prize, Perry only had this to offer when asked about it: “If somebody is trying to defame my character, you’re going to hear about it.”

I totally wasn’t going to watch the homecoming game (“More like HoCumming game since that big ho Katy is performing, amirite?” – Taylor) on Sunday, but now I am. I can’t wait to see Taylor get her revenge on her straight-up enemy by crashing the stage to catfight with that trick.

And yes, I realize that calling a 30-year-old and a 25-year-old two immature high school girls is rich coming from someone whose posts read like they were taken directly from a burn book written by a bitchy, unpopular 12-year-old girl who huffs paint all the time. No offense to bitchy, unpopular 12-year-old girls who huff paint all the time.

Here’s Katy at some Super Bowl press conference.

Pics: Splash

Poochie’s Austalian cousin Iggy Azalea recently worked with shoe designer Steve Madden to create a bunch of Iggy Azalea-looking mallrat shoes. Of course, she didn’t just help pick out colors and insoles and whatever else you do when you’re pretending to be a shoe designer while mentally calculating how much cash you’ll make from slapping your name on a pair of shoes; she also was the shoe model when they shot the Steve Madden x Iggy Azalea campaign.

Iggy Azalea x Steve Madden pic.twitter.com/nS5LcTa5DF

— IGGY AZALEA SPAIN (@AzaleaSpain) January 29, 2015

The only problem is, Iggy Azalea assumed she would have total control over the final images, and according to The Huffington Post, she threw a shit fit when Steve Madden released a shot she didn’t like. So she did what Iggy Azalea would normally do in this situation: she bitched them out on Twitter.

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