Skintimate Peaches and Raspberry Rain shaving gels!

I shave the parts I need to shave with an electric shaver, shampoo and a BIC (no, I won’t get into what bits I shave, because it’s too early in the day, month and year for that mess), so I don’t really pay attention to shaving cream all that much. And no, I don’t get into that shaving cream fetish stuff. Stop it, it’s too early. So anyway, reader Becks made me think of Skintimate shaving gel the other day when she sent in a HSOTD request for Skintimate Peaches and Raspberry Rain shaving gels. Skintimate is still around today, but ten years ago it felt like everyone used it to shave their stufft, because people just couldn’t get enough of shaving themselves with gel cream that smelled like a cross between a dessert topping and a Bath & Body Works queef.

I don’t know how popular Peaches and Raspberry Rain were, but Skintimate really pushed those scents hard. (Side note: I never smelled Raspberry Rain, but I’m guessing it smelled like the sweetened nectar that drips out of Prince’s b-hole when he hits a high note. ) It felt like the commercial played every other second and you couldn’t escape it. It was hypnotic and I’m pretty sure it was a brainwashing tool. Caution: If you press play on the commercial below, prepare to spend your day chanting the words, “Skintimate Peaches or Raspberry Rain” over and over again.

I bet detectives use that question as an interrogation tactic. Trying to choose between Skintimate Peaches and Raspberry Rain will break anybody down. How can you choose?!

Richard Dean Anderson (65)
Doutzen Kroes (30)
Draya Michele (30)
Tito Ortiz (40)
Tiffani Thiessen (41)
Ewen Bremner (43)
Lisa Snowdon (43)
Ariadna Gil (46)
Mariska Hargitay (51)
Gail O’Grady (52)
Princess Caroline of Monaco (58)
Anita Pointer (67)
Rutger Hauer (71)
Sonny Chiba (76)
Chita Rivera (82)
Jeanne Moreau (87)

This is Jude Law at the NYC screening of his movie “Black Sea” and either he’s trying to cover up his creeping hairline with his luxurious curls or a family of guinea pigs with no eyes moved onto the top of his head. Whatever, I still would. (Jude, not the family of no-eyed guinea pigs.) – Lainey Gossip 

I almost didn’t recognize Miley Cyrus with her nipples covered – Drunken Stepfather

Oh please, I’m sure George Clooney and Amal Clooney’s marriage contract is longer than 4 months – Celebitchy

I’m okay with Jeana Keoough going back to The Real Housewives of Orange County as long as she brings her hot, dumb son with her – Reality Tea

I read this as the “Unbreakable Kimmy Gibbler” and nearly fell out of myself – Towleroad

The new Carl’s Jr. spokestits looks like a hologram mash-up of Jessica Simpson, Kate Upton and maybe a dash of Clay Aiken – WWTDD

In a surprise twist, the CHIN of NBC isn’t totally backing up Bill Cosby – The Superficial

That girl who isn’t Lea Michele from Glee and Whiplash is the new Supergirl. If CBS doesn’t bring back Faye Dunaway as Selena, I swear… – Jezebel

Speaking of Lea Michele, the dude’s face behind her says everything I’m feeling – Popoholic

Only the fashion icon of our time Bai Ling could think to tear off the hem of a little girl’s funeral-going dress and wear it as a top – Hollywood Tuna

BUUUUUUUUUUUULGE – The Berry

Michelle “Not The White One” Williams confronts Mike Huckabee and defends the deity who gave her LIFE – Popsugar

When Oliver Hudson says “kiss it where the sun don’t shine,” he really fucking means it. The sun has never shone there – OMG Blog

Madge’s “artistic rapist” has been caught – Boy Culture

FINALLY, we have an answer to one of life’s greatest mysteries: “Why doesn’t Jennifer Garner wear red lipstick?”- ICYDK

So many “and we vomited while listening to you sing it” jokes, so little time – HuffPo

Charlize Theron did a shoot for Esquire – IDLYITW

That buff kid from Wizards of Waverly Place is playing Ronald Reagan in a biopic. Yes, I typed that right. I meant to type  Ronald Reagan and not Ronald McDonald – Pajiba

Pic: Getty

You have really have to give it to designer Rick Owens. Bitch is topical! With the media going on and on about that deflated ball scandal, he knew it was the perfect time to send nutsacks down the runway in his Fall/Winter 2015 show.

The dicks and huevos of many male models played a game of peek-a-boo (more like “peen-a-boo”) today in Paris when they sashayed down the runway wearing man dresses and clothes with a built-in peen window. Every creepy old neighborhood man who regularly walks around his front yard in a shorty robe just said to himself, “Pfft, been working that look for years!” The Scientologists said the same thing, because I’m sure this is exactly what their ceremonial gowns look like.

I’m not one to look a gift dick in the mouth (actually, I am, but you know what I mean) and I’ve always said the more peens the better, but I have two complaints about this. 1. Rick Owens should’ve cast David Gandy in this show. 2. I get that Rick Owens’ entire aesthetic is post-apocalyptic sad Goth, but those peens needed just a touch of glamour. They look scared and shy, like they’re singing “Asleep” by The Smiths to themselves. Rick Owens should’ve beaded the edge of their turtlenecks or threw some glitter on them. Tjuz that dick up a bit.

The Cisco Adler-approved pics are NSFW (duh) so they’re after the cut. Kanye West is probably ordering every look from this collection. I don’t know why, though, because he is a giant dick so every outfit he wears is a dick-flashing outfit.

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To the dude in the background thinking to himself, “I wish I had it like that,” I’m with you.

The legendary Steven Tyler stomped through LAX yesterday looking EXACTLY like Jacqueline Onassis in the 70s. Google it, bitch, and you’ll see that he is the spitting image of Jackie O. So much grace, style and carefree sophistication. I almost bitched out the photo agency for uploading old pics of Jackie O and labeling them “Steven Tyler at LAX on 1/21/15.” Steven Tyler can do whatever the fuck he wants. If he wants to wear a My Little Pony clip-on piece, my auntie’s leather duster from the 70s, one of Mr. Furley’s old blouses and your favorite bootcut jeans from 1996, he should wear it all, because he’ll wear it better. (Sorry auntie.)

And in case you didn’t know, Steven’s toes are all jacked up from years and years of performing in shoes that were too small. Steven Tyler bled for you!

Pics: Splash

And sadly, no, it’s not choreographing numbers with dance legend MC Skat Kat. But it SHOULD be. You really fucked up, So You Think You Can Dance producers. E! says that Paula Abdul can stop friending former American Idol contestants on LinkedIn, because she got a job as a judge on the 12th season of SYTYCD. 12 seasons! Have we not found someone who can dance yet?

Paula will be replacing Marie Osmond on meth Mary Murphy, and she’ll be joined by fellow new judge and “Talk Dirty” singer Jason Derulo. Cat Deeley will return as host, and Nigel Lythgoe will be back as a judge. Nigel says he’s “delighted” that Paula and Jason are joining him at the judges’ table, because – DUH – Paula Abdul is a national treasure and it’s an honor to be graced with her drowsy-voiced presence for even five seconds (which is really about how much time you get with a lucid Paula).

Paula Abdul has been either a judge or a guest judge on like 87% percent of reality talent shows on television, so it totally makes sense that she was given a job on SYTYCD. The fact that she’s a on-point choreographer was probably just a happy coincidence. I bet they didn’t even have to ask her if she wanted to be a judge; she just sensed there was an empty chair, flew to the studio on a cloud of shimmery eyeshadow dust and giggles and sparkling rosé bubbles, and was like “Okay, so when do I start?“