The BAFTAs happened in London tonight and they’re just like the Oscars except after the ceremony ends the losers are escorted to THE QUEEN’s dungeon where they’re turned into Corgi food.

All award season long (yes, I hate myself for typing that too), the ginger goddess of perfection that is Julianne Moore has mostly dressed like a kindergarten art teacher who fell onto the craft table after the kids made Valentines for their parents and tonight she finally brought the glamour. For once, people weren’t asking her, “Who are you wearing,” because they wanted to make sure to never buy shit from that designer. Julianne, who won Best Actress at the BAFTAs tonight, is giving me “torch song singer at a club where mobsters hold their meetings” glamour. I’m surprised that carpet didn’t turn a bright shade of green when it saw Julianne because it was jealous over her wearing the color red better than it.

I know, I’m not right for choosing a picture of Julianne looking like she’s trying not to wet heave, but it was the only picture where you could see a peek of her shoe (you’re welcome, Quentin Tarantino). She’s probably just gagging on her own glamour. The only way these pictures of Julianne would be hotter is if a naked Prince Hot Ginge was doing jumping jacks behind her.

I’m going to post more from the BAFTAs, but in the meantime here’s some pictures of others including Dianna Agron (I guess Britain is importing seat fillers from America now), the Bond Girls and Rosamund Pike.

Pics: Wenn.com

The Los Angeles Times says that detectives and traffic investigators will look over Bruce Jenner’s cell phone records to find out whether or not he was texting something like “H8 U BITCH” to Pimp Mama Kris before hitting another car on PCH in Malibu yesterday. As most of you know, the multi-car accident killed the 69-year-old woman in the car that Bruce hit. Bruce passed a sobriety test at the scene and later took a blood test to prove that the sweet nectar wasn’t running through his veins while driving.

Yesterday, there was rumors that the paparazzi were chasing the only tolerable member of the Jenner-Kartrashian klan of fame whores, but officials say that the paps didn’t play a part in the crash. The paparazzi were following Bruce, but he wasn’t trying to outrun them. The sadness all started when a Prius stopped suddenly for whatever reason. The Lexus hit the Prius and Bruce, who was driving a Cadillac Escalade, tried to avoid hitting the Lexus and swerved, hitting the right side of it. That caused the Lexus to shoot off into oncoming traffic where it was hit by a Hummer. The woman driving the Lexus died at the scene. Five other people were injured in the crash.

TMZ doesn’t think that Bruce will be charged with anything and they don’t think he was texting while driving. They posted a series of pictures of Bruce behind the Lexus and the moment he hit it. In the pictures taken before he rear-ended the Lexus, he’s holding a cigarette, not a cell phone. Apparently, deputies believe the Prius is at fault for stopping all of a sudden. (My guess is that the Prius was trying to make a u-turn on PCH which is a total act of crazy.) Radar says that Bruce isn’t taking any chances and is allegedly looking for a criminal lawyer in case he’s charged with manslaughter.

I squinted at the pictures over at TMZ and that cigarette in Bruce’s hand kind of looks like the joint I sucked on last night. I’m sure it was a cigarette, but if it was a joint, the blood test will show that. ….Unless Pimp Mama Kris gets one of her minions to sneak into the lab and switch Bruce’s blood out with the pristine blood of the virgins she sucks on.

Pics: FameFlynet, Splash

Hoku, the bubblegum pop icon that never was!

Hoku was HSOTD all the way back in the olden days of Dlisted’s first year, but I’m making her HSOTD on this Grammy Sunday, because she should be there tonight getting a special tribute from all of the pop tricks who would be nothing without her! Hoku (born name: Hoku Christian Ho. I curse my dad for not being born with the last name Ho and for not naming me Christian Ho, which is definitely at the top of the list of hottest names.) is one of the late Don Ho’s ten children and she had a couple of hits in the early aughts. I probably don’t have to tell you any of this, because I’m sure you learned everything about Hoku during your History of Everything Important class in college. But I’ll repeat it for those who are uneducated.

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Shiva Rose (46)
Trinny Woodall (51)
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Nick Nolte (74)
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John Williams (83)

The 25th MusiCares Person of the Year Gala was held last night honoring life legend Bob Dylan, and I wasn’t aware that he was friends with elderly crooner Tony Bennett, but I guess they are, because Tony was there. Not that I’m complaining! Tony Bennett makes every event a little more peppy and/or zesty. And he decided his date for the evening would be his current friend and singing partner Lady Gaga, which is always a risky move, because you never know what that bitch will show up in.

Thankfully, Gaga showed up showered and not wearing an outfit made out of trash stolen from the dumpster behind a fire-damaged Hobby Lobby. Which is to say she looks…good? I know, start donating all your old winter clothes to the people of Hell, because they clearly need them. She looks like a real old school gold digger. You know, the type of gold digger who confidently clips the tags off her gown before wearing it out of the house, because they know they’re going to see a return on their investment.

And the “Hiya daddy, can I have some money for the craps table?” look on her face is a nice extra touch. Very authentic. I feel like at any moment, Tony is going to make a joke about her being a real firecracker as Lady Gaga giggles and swats at him, like “Oh, you!”

Pics: Splash

Brian Williams was forced to apologize after he got called out for lying about being in a helicopter that was hit by RPG fire in Iraq in 2003 and he got his wig snatched again when he was accused of lying about seeing a dead body float in the French Quarter during Hurricane Katrina. But I’m guessing the lying straw that broke the peacock’s back was Page Six accusing Brian of allegedly stretching the truth when he claimed that he saved two puppies from a burning house as a teenage volunteer firefighter. Who the hell lies about saving puppies from a fire?! Too far, Lyin’ Williams, too far. How dare he get adorable puppy friends tangled up in his web of lies!!!

So because the media keeps chewing his ass out (like father, like daughter) and keeps trying to dig up more he lies he may have told, he announced in a memo to NBC News staff today that he’s taking a leave of absence for a few days. NBC is supposedly using a magnifying glass to examine all of Brian Williams’ past claims to see if he told any more lies. They still have no plans to fire him. Brian delivered this statement:

In the midst of a career spent covering and consuming news, it has become painfully apparent to me that I am presently too much a part of the news, due to my actions.

As Managing Editor of NBC Nightly News, I have decided to take myself off of my daily broadcast for the next several days, and Lester Holt has kindly agreed to sit in for me to allow us to adequately deal with this issue. Upon my return, I will continue my career-long effort to be worthy of the trust of those who place their trust in us.

I know, if everybody got a vacation every time they told a lie at work, everyone would constantly be sunning their ass cheeks in the Caribbean. If NBC News really wants to make us all forget about this Brian Williams mess, they wouldn’t temporarily replace him with Lester Holt. They’d replace him with Donna Summer who’d sing the news to a disco beat as a topless and oiled-up Anderson Cooper go-go danced on the news desk. Now that’s how you shush a scandal. If only CNN would lend their Silver Fox out to the peacock.