Brian Willams Is Taking A Time Out For A Few Days

February 7, 2015 / Posted by:

Brian Williams was forced to apologize after he got called out for lying about being in a helicopter that was hit by RPG fire in Iraq in 2003 and he got his wig snatched again when he was accused of lying about seeing a dead body float in the French Quarter during Hurricane Katrina. But I’m guessing the lying straw that broke the peacock’s back was Page Six accusing Brian of allegedly stretching the truth when he claimed that he saved two puppies from a burning house as a teenage volunteer firefighter. Who the hell lies about saving puppies from a fire?! Too far, Lyin’ Williams, too far. How dare he get adorable puppy friends tangled up in his web of lies!!!

So because the media keeps chewing his ass out (like father, like daughter) and keeps trying to dig up more he lies he may have told, he announced in a memo to NBC News staff today that he’s taking a leave of absence for a few days. NBC is supposedly using a magnifying glass to examine all of Brian Williams’ past claims to see if he told any more lies. They still have no plans to fire him. Brian delivered this statement:

In the midst of a career spent covering and consuming news, it has become painfully apparent to me that I am presently too much a part of the news, due to my actions.

As Managing Editor of NBC Nightly News, I have decided to take myself off of my daily broadcast for the next several days, and Lester Holt has kindly agreed to sit in for me to allow us to adequately deal with this issue. Upon my return, I will continue my career-long effort to be worthy of the trust of those who place their trust in us.

I know, if everybody got a vacation every time they told a lie at work, everyone would constantly be sunning their ass cheeks in the Caribbean. If NBC News really wants to make us all forget about this Brian Williams mess, they wouldn’t temporarily replace him with Lester Holt. They’d replace him with Donna Summer who’d sing the news to a disco beat as a topless and oiled-up Anderson Cooper go-go danced on the news desk. Now that’s how you shush a scandal. If only CNN would lend their Silver Fox out to the peacock.

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