Morgan Fairchild (65)
Tallulah Belle Willis (21)
Sean Kingston (25)
Maitland Ward (28)
Rebel Wilson (29)
Daddy Yankee (38)
Isla Fisher (39)
Elisa Donovan (44)
Warwick Davis (45)
Maura Tierney (50)
Linda Eder (54)
Thomas Calabro (56)
Lee Ranaldo (59)
Nathan Lane (59)
Blythe Danner (72)

Brit Brit Spears and her piece Charlie Ebersol (yes, he’s making me ping) were at the Super Bowl yesterday and I’m surprised she didn’t jump on the field and tackle Katy Perry when that trick came out looking like a giant bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos – Lainey Gossip 

And after the Patriots won, Gisele Bundchen softly whispered into Tom Brady’s ear, “See, I told you deflating the balls would work, daddy.” – Celebitchy

That Sister Wives douche might’ve divorced one wife to marry another one – Reality Tea

Gwen Stefani is on the cover of Cosmo looking like the American flag farted up its stars on her – Drunken Stepfather

FYI: Every time you buy a bottle of water, you’re killing a polar bear’s dick – WWTDD

And here’s some Super Bowl commercials you might have missed (the Nationwide dead kid commercial isn’t in this list, I promise) – The Superficial

Who cares about those two, the only thing I want to know is if Prince Hot Ginge signed it? – Towleroad

This list ain’t shit without Andrea Zuckerman – The Berry

Behati Prinsloo’s skirt is where a dozen dog harnesses went to die – Hollywood Tuna

Bobbi Kristina Brown’s condition is getting a little bit better, so says TMZ – Jezebel

I guess Hilary Duff wasn’t available to walk across the street for the paps so they settled for Jessica Alba buying lettuce – Popoholic

Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart LIP-SYNCHED for their lives – SOW

Johnny Weir and his moose knuckle brought glamour to the Super Bowl – OMG Blog

I’d totally do Katy Perry’s dancing shark in or out of the costume – Popsugar

Verne Troyer let Katy Perry know that he’s going to sue her for copyright infringement – HuffPo

Bruce Jenner will talk about his journey with Diane Sawyer – Just Jared

Both Chris Evans and Chris Pratt are wearing too many clothes in these Super Bowl pictures – Pajiba

Pic: Splash

Suge Knight made us all think of Suge Knight again last week when he killed a man and injured another on the set of the N.W.A. biopic Straight Outta Compton in L.A. The man Suge  killed was his friend Terry Carter and he left the scene, because that’s what friends do. He later turned himself into police and was arrested. Originally, his bail was set at $2 million, but they revoked that shit after authorities successfully argued that he’s a flight risk. And today, the L.A. County District Attorney hit Suge Knight with a bunch of charges including murder.

TMZ says that on top of murder, Suge was also charged with attempted premeditated murder, hit and run resulting in death, and hit and run resulting in injury. The D.A. believes they have a strong case against Suge, because they have footage from a surveillance camera of some of what happened. But do they really need a video? Couldn’t they just say to the jury, “This is Suge Knight we’re talking about. Who hasn’t Suge murdered? We rest our case!” The D.A. issued this statement:

Marion “Suge” Knight was charged today with murder and other counts following a fatal hit-and-run in a Compton parking lot last week, the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office announced.
Knight (dob 4/19/65) is scheduled to be arraigned on Tuesday in Compton at the Los Angeles County Superior Court, Department D, in case TA136401 He is being held without bail.
The Major Crimes Division is handling the case.

Following an altercation on Thursday outside a Compton restaurant, Knight allegedly was driving his truck when he ran over two men standing in the parking lot. One man was injured and the second man, Terry Carter, 55, died. The driver of the pickup fled the scene.

Suge could get life in prison if convicted of the murder charge.

I’m actually surprised that Suge turned himself in and didn’t get Ray Donovan to put him on a plane headed to a private island in the Caribbean where Tupac is. Nobody tell Suge this, but if he lost about 300 pounds, painted himself orange, put on a stringy ginger wig, changed his name to Lindsay Lohan and then pleaded guilty to murder, the judge would sentence him to 3 minutes in jail and revoke his Starbucks privileges for a week.

Being a gracious loser is so overrated and life’s too short to not snatch a crown right off of a trick’s head. The runner-up of Miss Amazonas 2015 knows what I’m talking about and when she lost the main prize on Friday in Brazil, she won the title of Miss Fuck It 2015 when she yanked the crown off of the winner’s head.

The Guardian says that when Carol Toledo won the title of Miss Amazonas 2015, the other beauty queens put on manufactured smiles and pretended to be happy, but not the runner-up Sheislane Hayalla (that’s Portuguese for “Stay in your lane, bitch“). Sheislane hugged Carol at first, but then she couldn’t resist the urge to show those judges that she’s the real winner by displaying grace and elegance. After Carol Toledo was crowned, Sheislane Hayalla pulled her crown off, threw it on the floor and sashayed away while screaming something in Portuguese as the contestant in yellow clapped for her. I like that queen in yellow. She is the kind of friend who will hold your purse when you need to fight a bitch and fix your lipstick for you afterward.

Sheislane later apologized in a video and on Facebook, but said she didn’t regret crown-snatching a trick, because she wanted to show everyone that money shouldn’t be able to buy you everything. Sheislane believes Carol’s win was bought.

“I wanted to express my disapproval of the actions in the preparations for Miss Amazonas 2015. I do not regret having protested. I believe I have planted change in this great contest. I wanted something clean and honest.”

Well, Sheislane could be removed as runner-up and Carol is going on to represent her state in the Miss Brazil pageant, so I don’t know what kind of change she’s talking about. Maybe she means that next year pageant officials will Super Glue that crown onto the head of the chick who bought it so her rival can’t rip it off. I do love a good crown-snatching and I want to slow clap while giving Sheislane a standing ovation, but I can’t. That was some sloppy work. She really should’ve trained with Miss Wig Snatcher Brazil 2009. When you snatch a trick’s crown, you need to silently creep up on her like a ninja and snatch that tiara and her hair in one swoop before disappearing into the darkness.

YES! That is how it’s done. Scalp that bitch and leave her practically bald.

More like “Gorgeous PAZalate Cleanser.”

If you spent any time on Kim Kartrashian’s latest ass-baring picture then your eyeballs are probably covered in wet kweef drops and butt dust, so I figured you might need an industrial-strength palate cleanser that is strong enough to rid that image from your brain. So here’s one in the form of delicate human orchid Paz de la Huerta delivering tasteful and elegant poses in Vivienne Westwood’s new ad campaign shot by photographer Jürgen Teller. Paz was gracious enough to take a break from giving lotion shows in court rooms and starring in underrated artistic masterpieces to bust out some Barbizon-worthy poses for Vivienne Westwood.

Every model and trick who thinks they can model needs to find a seat in the front of the classroom, pull out a thick yellow notebook and take note, because Paz is teaching them what modeling truly is. These pictures are very “coked up secretary duck circa 1970s goes wild at a swingers party in an abandoned warehouse” and that is the look.

Pics: Vivienne Westwood (Thanks to everybody who sent these in)

I hope the intergalactic thetan cobbler who makes Tom Cruise’s tiny little shoes has access to some good space titanium, because it sounds like he’s going to need to start reinforcing his lifts. According to Page Six, once shooting wraps on Mission: Impossible 5, Tom Cruise is going to start stuffing his face full of Little Xenu™ snack cakes in preparation for his role as a pilot-turned-drug trafficker in the upcoming film Mena.

Tom Cruise is reportedly playing Barry Seal, a real-life TWA pilot who smuggled drugs for Pablo Escobar in the 80s then went to work for the DEA and CIA before he was assassinated in 1986. He was also almost 300lbs, which means that Tommy has a lot of gobbling to do, because there’s no way Top Gun clocks in anywhere north of 145lbs. Maybe 150 if he’s wearing one of John Travolta’s wigs as a shawl, but that’s pushing it.

Page Six also says there’s no word on whether or not he’ll break out his fat suit from Tropic Thunder, but this movie sounds like serious Oscar bait (true story + biopic + period piece), which means you can’t half-ass it if you want that Academy Award nomination. You need to go full fat. Yes, Tommy’s delicate knee joints will dissolve under all that extra weight, and once he sheds the weight his skin will be so loose people will mistake him for a deflated hot air balloon, but he might get that Oscar! Go for it, Tommy – reach for the stars! Or in this case, cans of cake frosting. And reach for them using an edible grabber claw. Or better yet, get someone else to reach for them – you don’t want to burn any precious calories.