Tom Brokaw Wants That Lying Lie-Teller Liar Brian Williams Fired

February 6, 2015 / Posted by:

If that picture was taken yesterday, Tom Brokaw would be thinking to himself, “Grrrrr… I just want to stick a rolled-up pink slip up that lying sack of lie’s ass, pull it out, stick it in his smuggy lie hole and make it so that he can’t even get a job reviewing butt plugs at 3am on Public Access in Stockton, CA.

On Wednesday night, the world we live in became a confusing and unfamiliar place and most of us wandered the land not knowing what to believe when Brian Williams admitted that he was never in a chopper that was hit by RPG fire in Iraq in 2003. Brian was actually safely traveling in a different chopper. How can we believe anything now that Brian Williams has dribbled out lies to us? When Brian Williams says, “Good evening, I’m Brian Williams and this is the Nighty News,” do we know for sure it’s the evening and that it’s a good evening and that his name really is Brian Williams? Is that picture of Brian Williams’ supposed bulge a picture of his actual bulge or did he just stuff his khakis with the sack he keeps his lies in? Everything is squint-worthy now!!!

After getting called out on the lie he told, Brian said in Wednesday night’s broadcast of the NBC Nightly News that he “misremembered” the whole thing. Here’s Brian Williams’ apology in case you missed it:

Since Brian Williams admitted to “misremembering” the events of that day in Iraq, the media has been digging up and looking for other possible lies told by Brian Will-lie. The New Orleans Advocate says that while reporting in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina, Brian claimed to have seen a dead body floating in the French Quarter. But apparently, the French Quarter did not flood during Hurricane Katrina and remained pretty dry. Brian also claimed he got sick with dysentery after accidentally drinking floodwater, but a local health expert doesn’t remember anyone coming down with that shit. Basically, everything is a lie. Was Brian Williams even in New Orleans and Iraq? He was probably just reporting in front of a green screen. Has he even been in a helicopter? Riding in a helicopter while playing Call of Duty doesn’t count. Is Brian Williams real? Are we sure he’s not just a hologram made by NBC?

An NBC News source tells Page Six that he’s not going to be suspended or punished in any way. Brian told the story many times and the top hos at NBC News knew he was lying and allegedly asked him to stop. They think the events of that day got tangled up in his brain and he got confused over the years. But Tom Brokaw apparently isn’t so forgiving. A source says that Tom Brokaw is the Salome to Brian Williams’ John the Baptist:

“Brokaw wants Williams’ head on a platter. He is making a lot of noise at NBC that a lesser journalist or producer would have been immediately fired or suspended for a false report.”

There’s only one way to settle this: Gentleman, take off your suits, step into the oil pool and wrestle it out!

This makes me think… What if Brian Williams got caught in that lie years ago and was fired? If that happened, Allison Williams probably wouldn’t have been cast in Girls, which means NBC wouldn’t have cast her as Peter Pan, which means we would have never seen Peter Pan get his butt munched by a bearded hipster. We have to go back!

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