Two weeks ago we found out that Nicki Minaj and Meek Mill’s relationship of two years was pretty much done. Meek Mill had allegedly started seeing a boutique owner in Philadelphia, and Nicki was Instagramming vague shit about deserving better and dodging bullets. Neither said whether they were actually split up, but why would they? You don’t get as much attention that way, and those two love getting attention. Two weeks later, and Nicki Minaj is finally ready to confirm what we already sort of knew had happened.

To confirm, yes I am single. Focusing on my work & looking forward to sharing it with you guys really soon. Have a blessed New Year. Love u🎀

— Nicki Minaj (@NICKIMINAJ) January 5, 2017

Meek Mill hasn’t said anything in response to Nicki’s tweet, but that could be because he’s too busy packing up a U-Haul while Nicki’s assistants make sure his movers don’t track dirt on the carpet of their rental. That, or he’s on a social media hiatus while he pledges The Society of Nicki’s Bitter Exes.

But the real question here is…who got custody of the gaudy jewelry?!? Meek Mill has given Nicki at least two giant diamond engagement-style rings. I think the social custom is that Nicki gets to keep them, but it might be nice if she gave them back to Meek Mill. He might need something to sell for quick cash in the event people were right and he really was only successful because he was doing Nicki Minaj. I could totally see his mortal enemy Drake pulling a shady move by offering to buy one of them. After all, it’s only a matter of time before Drake’s publicist gives him the go-ahead to start working the pretend engagement ring angle.

Pic: Wenn.com

Justin Bieber shouldn’t even be allowed to adopt a factory-defected Hatchimal, but yet the new money Elmyra Duff keeps getting himself living and breathing toys that entertain him for a few seconds before he gets bored and tosses them off to someone else. If the Biebs and Parasite Hilton ever join forces, not only will the CDC have to issue several CODE REDS, so will the ASPCA. And every pet store puppy will try to hide in the nest of shredded newspaper in their cages every time those two dried drops of ass discharge walk by.

The Biebs abandoned his monkey in Germany, passed his pet hamster off to a random fan and gave a dog to his dad, who allegedly tossed the poor creature off of a balcony. And the Biebs earned another medal for committing a mean act of animal abandonment (Chris Pratt and Anna Faris will present him with the award at the ceremony) when he gave away his chow-chow puppy, a chow-chow puppy who was born with a birth defect and needs surgery.

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Ever since George Clooney surprised the world by getting married again, it feels like there have been plenty of “reports” and “sources” claiming that Amal Clooney is either pregnant or trying to get pregnant or looking at babies . Well, the rumor might finally be true, because some people are saying that Amal is carrying George’s spawn.

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Jenna Jameson has decided to become the next lifestyle guru. – Queen Mab of the Unseelie

Upvote winner:

To accompany our dinner, we have a lovely Peen-o Grigio. – Froggae

Pic: Tosh.0

The Lord of the Rings toy that a great-memaw in Brazil prays to every single day!

When I was a kid, my abuelita would take a few of our Happy Meal toys and decorate the top of her dresser with them. I don’t think she ever prayed to one of them, but if I walked in on her making the sign of the cross after praying to one of my Muppet Babies Happy Meal toys, I would’ve gotten on my knees right next to her. That is an idol I can pray to!  One great-grandma in Brazil apparently prayed to a toy and she didn’t even know it. (Or did she?)

AOL says that in a Facebook post that has gone viral, a woman named Gabriela Brandão writes that her daughter’s great-grandmother prays to a statue of “Saint Anthony” every single day. Gabriela discovered one day that the “Saint Anthony” statue is actually a figurine of Elrond from Lord of the Rings and she found the exact one on eBay. Whenever my spirits need to be lifted up, I’m going to think of a Brazilian great-grandmama praying to a wedding cake topper of Hugo Weaving in immortal elf drag.

It’s not known how that Elrond toy got itself a place in the praying area of Gabriela’s daughter’s grand-grandmother and who knows if anybody told her. I’d like to think that they did tell her and she shrugged and let out a duh, because of course she knows she’s praying to an Elrond statue. The Lord of the Rings IS her religion.

Pic: Facebook

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