Category: What A Fucking Lady

Courtney Stodden And Her Baby Bump Went Out Shopping

July 7, 2016 / Posted by:

Everything I know about being pregnant has come from movies and television, and one thing that I always remember is from Full House when a knocked up Aunt Becky put headphones on her stomach. I guess so that her and Uncle Jesse’s spawn would be into music or something? What I’m trying to get at is, it’s my understanding that when you’re pregnant, you can teach babies to like stuff while they’re still in the womb. Courtney Stodden obviously thinks this too. Yesterday she strutted around in some truly elegant maternity wear for the paps, in what is clearly an attempt to teach the baby living inside her what getting attention is. Like mommy, like baby!

Courtney and a friend were papped “shopping” for  maternity clothes at A Pea in the Pod. I say “shopping“, because there’s no way Courtney actually found anything she wanted to buy in there. The last time I checked, A Pea in the Pod didn’t carry second-trimester g-strings, latex tube tops, or pregnancy-safe coochie glitter. Once again, Courtney is showing her baby how it’s done. You don’t need a good reason to call the paps, you just need a reason.

The teaching continued inside the store, when Courtney’s friend gave a master class in, well, class, by stripping down to her underwear and bending over for the paps.

Pregnant Courtney Stodden and Plastic Martyr shop for baby clothes

Unfortunately, I think the in utero lessons only apply when it’s your baby. Nice try though, Courtney’s friend. Here’s more of a pregnant Courtney working her baby bump in some truly gorgeous heels for the paps yesterday.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Why It’s A Bad Idea To Strike A Shiny Happy Pose In Your Mug Shot

June 14, 2016 / Posted by:

That Ohio drew drop in the mug shot above could teach two classes. She could took a course at John Robert Powers on how to serve up 100 proof class in your mug shot. And she could also teach a class at The Learning Annex on how to piss off a judge in one quick and easy step.

Sweet Dee’s Ohio cousin, Mary Jordan, and two fellow delicate rose petals, Ashley England and Sammie Whaley, turned their “You deserve a break today” moment into a  ” You deserve to get handcuffed and jailed” moment when they jumped a McDonald’s employee for allegedly not moving as fast they wanted her to. Cleveland19 says that on June 8, the Trinity of Ohio Classiness was at a McDonald’s in Bellevue with their friends and family when decided that an employee, who doesn’t get paid nearly enough to deal with that kind of shit, was working too slowly. So they attacked the employee in the parking lot.

Backdoor Farrah And Janice Dickinson Were Evicted From Celebrity Big Brother, But They’re Still Bringing The Messiness

September 23, 2015 / Posted by:

While in the Celebrity Big Brother UK house, Backdoor Farrah threatened to commit mass murder over a broken flip-flop and she fought every chance she got. Well, Farrah was evicted from the house last week and she’s still bringing her signature brand of crazy bitch drama to show. Both Jenna Jameson and Janice Dickinson were evicted last night and they joined Backdoor Farrah on the Celebrity Big Brother after-show Bit On The Side. The show ended with Backdoor Farrah getting kicked out the backdoor after shit got violent. That all sounds about right.

Kate Moss Allegedly Got Kicked Off Of An easyJet Flight For Being A Drunken Mess

June 8, 2015 / Posted by:

Passengers on an easyJet flight that landed at London Luton airport overdosed on potent amounts of elegance, class and gentility yesterday when they watched a 41-year-old supermodel call the pilot a “basic bitch” as her drunk ass was dragged off of the plane for screaming about wanting a damn drink and pouring herself her own drink from a bottle of vodka she had in her luggage. One passenger was overheard saying, “It’s like I’m in an episode of Downton Fucking Abbey,” while watching Kate Moss bust into a vodka rage before getting kicked off of a budget airline.

Oh, I Do Love A Good Crown Snatching

February 2, 2015 / Posted by:

Being a gracious loser is so overrated and life’s too short to not snatch a crown right off of a trick’s head. The runner-up of Miss Amazonas 2015 knows what I’m talking about and when she lost the main prize on Friday in Brazil, she won the title of Miss Fuck It 2015 when she yanked the crown off of the winner’s head.

The Guardian says that when Carol Toledo won the title of Miss Amazonas 2015, the other beauty queens put on manufactured smiles and pretended to be happy, but not the runner-up Sheislane Hayalla (that’s Portuguese for “Stay in your lane, bitch“). Sheislane hugged Carol at first, but then she couldn’t resist the urge to show those judges that she’s the real winner by displaying grace and elegance. After Carol Toledo was crowned, Sheislane Hayalla pulled her crown off, threw it on the floor and sashayed away while screaming something in Portuguese as the contestant in yellow clapped for her. I like that queen in yellow. She is the kind of friend who will hold your purse when you need to fight a bitch and fix your lipstick for you afterward.

Sheislane later apologized in a video and on Facebook, but said she didn’t regret crown-snatching a trick, because she wanted to show everyone that money shouldn’t be able to buy you everything. Sheislane believes Carol’s win was bought.

“I wanted to express my disapproval of the actions in the preparations for Miss Amazonas 2015. I do not regret having protested. I believe I have planted change in this great contest. I wanted something clean and honest.”

Well, Sheislane could be removed as runner-up and Carol is going on to represent her state in the Miss Brazil pageant, so I don’t know what kind of change she’s talking about. Maybe she means that next year pageant officials will Super Glue that crown onto the head of the chick who bought it so her rival can’t rip it off. I do love a good crown-snatching and I want to slow clap while giving Sheislane a standing ovation, but I can’t. That was some sloppy work. She really should’ve trained with Miss Wig Snatcher Brazil 2009. When you snatch a trick’s crown, you need to silently creep up on her like a ninja and snatch that tiara and her hair in one swoop before disappearing into the darkness.

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YES! That is how it’s done. Scalp that bitch and leave her practically bald.

A Woman Name Princess Left Her Young Kids In Her SUV To Blow Her Boyfriend In A Walmart Parking Lot

July 29, 2014 / Posted by:

That’s a headline that’ll make the entire state of Florida shake in fear over their future, because this happened in Louisiana and not in Florida. Florida, Louisiana is coming for your title as America’s foremost producer of fuckery.

The Smoking Gun brings us this story that reads like something straight out of a book of People of Walmart fanfiction. A 25-year-old mother of two named Princess Marks (it’s always a Princess) was arrested after she admitted to cops that she was slurping up her “boyfriend’s” peen in his car while her kids, ages 5 and 7, were left by themselves in her SUV. At 12:30 in the morning on Friday, the cops showed up to a Walmart parking lot in Lake Charles, LA after someone called 911 to report two little kids left in an SUV by themselves. The SUV wasn’t running and all the windows were down. Princess Marks strolled up to her SUV a few minutes later and told the cops that she left her kids by themselves while she sucked her man’s dick and she also admitted that it was kind of impossible to keep an eye on her kids since her face was full of man crotch.

Princess was charged with child desertion and was later released on $5,000 bail. Her kids are being taken care of by family members.

If you’re shaking your head at Princess and saying to yourself that she sucks as a mother and shouldn’t have anymore kids, ask yourself this, don’t you think she knows that? Why do you think she was giving a blow job instead screwing?

Princess has a pair of perfectly sculpted eyebrows, so I should trust all the decisions she makes, but I can’t. If the dude was really her boyfriend and if she was really giving him head, then she needs to dumps his ass immediately, because how can you be with a dude who won’t look out for the cops and check on your kids while you’re licking his peen?  That’s a question you should ask during every first date. As soon as you sit down, ask the dude, “If I suck you off in a Walmart parking lot at midnight, are you going to check for the cops and check on my kids in the next car over?” If he looks at you funny or says no, ask the server to pack up your appetizer to go and get out of there. He’s obviously not boyfriend material.

And this story is a PSA to all future parents: This is what happens you name your kid Princess.

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