The nominations for the 60th Grammy awards were announced this morning, and Jay-Z led with eight nominations. I suppose you could say that Jay-Z is the Beyoncé of this year’s Grammys? Although she actually got one this year too, for Best Rap/Sung Performance. I’m sure it’s a big day in the Knowles Carter house. Congratulations on your Grammy nomination, Beyonce! And also, you know, good job on all the ones you got today too, Jay-Z.
Sometimes the people of the internet can be that catty, judgmental frenemy with nothing nice to say EVER. Even when there is a positive story, they feel the need to crack their knuckles, sit on their toilets with their phone and talk shit (I imagine that’s where most of those fuckfaces do their dirty work). Just ask Kendrick Lamar’s sister, Kayla Duckworth.
Critics’ darling Frank Ocean withdrew his hugely successful (both critically and commerically) Blonde album from Grammy consideration this year and won’t be performing.
In an interview with Rolling Stone (via Pitchfork), Grammy producers Ken Ehrlich and David Wild were asked why this was so. They responded by opining that Frank’s performance of his song “Forrest Gump” at the 2013 Grammys sucked and that he didn’t want to give us the sequel. Frank took to Tumblr to refute this, and explain exactly why he wasn’t Grammy-bound this year. And it’s all Taylor Swift’s fault (everything is)!
I’m pretty sure it will soon be illegal to hold an big event in 2016 and not give Her Majesty Beyonce the highest spot on the bill (see: The Superbowl, the CFDAs), so it should come as a shock to exactly no one that Beyonce opened the BET Awards last night. The working title of which could have been The Beyonce is Extremely Talented Awards, because she took home a whole bunch of trophies.
Beyonce was given the Coca-Cola Viewers’ Choice Award (uh oh, don’t tell Pepsi), the BET Centric Award, the FANdemonium Award, Best Female R&B/Pop Artist award, and Video of the Year for “Formation.” But before she collected all five awards she was nominated for, she opened the show by performing “Freedom” with Kendrick Lamar. They went all out, too. Beyonce brought the huge wading pool she uses during her Formation tour on stage with her and they got into some water sports. Not like that. They kicked water at each other while dancing in front smoke and flashing lights. I’ve put the video after the cut, because it plays automatically. Although that might just be the telekinetic powers of the Beyhive at work.
Adele’s new album (aka the only album that matters in the world) and single came out after the deadline for Grammy nominations (September 30, 2015), so she didn’t get not a one nomination this morning. I’m surprised the Grammy bitches didn’t start a new category, Best New Masterpiece Album By Adele That Missed The Deadline But Deserves All Of The Awards Anyway, just for her ass this year. Adele’s Grammy year is next year. The good news is that the 2017 Grammys will be 5 minutes long instead of 500 hours long. The 5-minute-long ceremony will be nothing but shots of workers with wheelbarrows dumping dozens of Grammys onto Adele’s front yard.
This year, Kendrick Lamar is the overlord of the Grammy nominations with 11, including Album of the Year for “To Pimp A Butterfly” (which sounds like the title of a hooker movie starring Mariah Carey). The Weeknd and Taylor Swift got the second most nominations with 7. My thoughts are with the people around Tay Tay who nearly broke every muscle and nerve in their eyeballs while resisting the urge to bust out an eye roll as the nominations came out and she screamed, “Oh my golly gee, this NEVER happens to little ole’ me!”
While looking at the nominations this morning, I had to stop and run my fingers over to dictionary.com after I got to Best New Artist. I had to check to see if the definition of “new” changed, because Meghan Trainor was nominated for Best New Artist. But it turns out that “All About That Bass” only came out last year and her album came out this year. It just feels like her music has been terrorizing our eardrums for centuries.
All of the Grammy nominations are here. I threw up a lot of them after the cut. My comment about the nominations in each category is: Call the police, the FBI, President Obama and Detective La Toya, because Glorianna Galicia was wrongly robbed!
Disney Channel rapper Macklemore got his hands around four Grammy awards last night including Best Rap Album, Best Rap Song, Best New Artist and Best Rap Performance, and many hos screamed about the INJUSTICE of it all. Many didn’t like that Macklemore won over Kendrick Lamar and they tweeted death threats at Kermit the Frog’s long-lost rapping half-human brother. Yeah, I know Macklemore’s album sounds like an all-hip hop album from The Party (Note: Let’s kick the ballistics. That is the greatest compliment you can give to a rapper), but it’s not that serious. The Grammys are a joke, but tweeting a death threat at a trick for winning a Grammy is even more of a joke. Anybody can win a Grammy (see: Baha Men)!
But because Macklemore wants to be everybody’s best fweeend and wants everyone to know he’s the good guy of good guys, he Instagrammed the text he sent to Kendrick Lamar where he admitted that he shouldn’t have won Best Rap Album.
Macklemore went on to explain to his fans that his Grammy Award should really be in Kendrick’s hands:
“My text to Kendrick after the show. He deserved best rap album… I’m honored and completely blown away to win anything much less 4 Grammys. But in that category, he should have won IMO. And that’s taking nothing away from The Heist. Just giving GKMC it’s proper respect.. With that being said, thank you to the fans. You’re the reason we were on that stage tonight. And to play Same Love on that platform was a career highlight. The greatest honor of all. That’s what this is about. Progress and art. Thank you. #grammys”
Bitch, then invite Kendrick Lamar over for some tea and give him your Grammy then. Macklemore admitting that he thinks Kendrick’s album deserved to win is nice, but Instagramming the text he sent is some attention whore shit straight out of Pimp Mama Kris’ playbook. The whole “but the music started playing” excuse is no excuse. Jacqueline Bisset would laugh at that excuse, but I think she’s still onstage at the Golden Globes accepting her award. When the music starts playing, that’s not your cue to shut up, that’s your cue to talk louder while not giving a fuck.
Besides, it’s just a Grammy. It’s not a prestigious award like Barbizon’s Most Improved Male Model (preteen division) and yes, I’m still mad at losing that award even though I was the only boy in the class.