I guess this is just the week for messes getting drunk and making everything about themselves! After yesterday’s maddening tale of The Unwanted Wedding Guest, today’s offering comes courtesy of Fergie and it’s a doozy! Please put on your protective anti-cringe goggles before proceeding.
Fergie and Josh Duhamel are the latest celebrity marriage casualty, and, considering what he’s allegedly like to flight attendants, I can only imagine how those divorce proceedings are going to go. Ideally, it would involve Fergie-Ferg crooning “MILF$” during alimony discussions and then conclude with “Big Girls Don’t Cry” when Josh only gets an eighth of the spousal support he wanted and has to go back to flying Spirit. What? It’s not like he’s getting THAT much syndication residuals from Las Vegas. In actuality, it sounds more like Josh is working the “I tried!” angle.
I guess you could say she fergalicious def, fergalicious def, fergalicious def, def-def-def-definitely didn’t want to be married to Josh Duhamel anymore. Or you could say Fergie and Josh have called it quits. Whichever works best for you (for me, it involves singing “Fergalicious“).
It was rumored a few days ago that Fergie had either been kicked out of the group or she left due to “creative differences.” The rumors are true. will.i.am has confirmed that Fergie is officially out of the group. While talking to UAE entertainment magazine Ahlan! (via E! News), will.i.am said that it’s not that dramatic; Fergie is working on her solo stuff, and they’re working on their latest project, Masters of the Sun. There was a rumor that Fergie might be replaced by Nicole Scherzinger, but will.i.am said that’s not true. Nicole is just working with them on their new album. He added that Black Eyed Peas is on Fergie’s second solo album, Double Dutchess.
Fergie Ferg celebrates motherhood by dousing her lady humps, bumps, lumps, dumps, what have you (“chumps” comes to mind when Kim Kardashian’s hot air balloon disaster ass wobbles up) in milk in her new “MILF$” video. It’s a pervy celebration of mommy complexes, Mary Kay Letourneau-esque classroom fap fantasies, and lactation. Yum!
According to the opening shot, “MILF” in this case stands for “Mothers I’d Like To Follow,” so expect something innocent and demure. That’s dumb. She shrieks out “motherfucker” at least three times during the course of this faux cum fiesta. Why the backpedaling?
In addition to Kummy Kakes, celebrity moms assisting Fergie in her effort to turn the world off of dairy forever are Chrissy Teigen, Ciara, Alessandra Ambrosio, Devon Aoki, Gemma Ward, Angela Lindvall, Amber Valletta, Tara Lynn, Natasha Poly, and Isabeli Fontana.
The only one I fully support in this video is Amber Valleta because she was the recipient of one of the better television hell diva flip-offs in recent history when Madeline Stowe’s Victoria read her character’s sidepiece ass on Revenge.
She must have emerged from that feeling shiny and brand-new. Like an acid bath makeover! “Every time I hug you is my hatred burning through.” Gather her, Victoria Grayson!
Fergie should have given this messy video some class by having Victoria’s Grayson’s dead-eyed resentful ass “sexy” yoga mom-ing it alongside these other chicks.
Check out the video (and some screencaps of Fergie and friends) in the gallery below.
Last night, George Clooney and his tequila tasting partner Rande Gerber threw a pre-Halloween party sponsored by their tequila company, Casamigos, and – shock of all shocks, a bunch of Georgie’s famous friends showed up. Even though the Casamigos party was held on the day before Halloween, everyone still dressed up, because why wouldn’t you? When you’re rich as shit, you can afford to have your assistant stand in line outside of the Hell on Earth that is Party City 3 days before Halloween. Still, there’s always that one person who cannot muster a single fuck and shows up in regular clothes, and that person was Salma Hayek. Stars, they’re just like us!
There is literally nothing Halloween-y about Salma Hayek. It’s like she forgot about that shit, and decided to swing by on her way home from Barneys. Salma is giving me “pity pop-in“, and I love it. She probably told her rich-ass husband, François-Henri Pinault, that they were going to make an appearance at a party hosted by “some guy she worked with on From Dusk till Dawn” and assured him that it would “only take a second.”
Or maybe that is her costume: second wife of a French billionaire is a costume, right? But really, why bother putting in any effort when Jessica Alba is going to show up and shut everyone else down with her on-point Romy White costume.
That wig! You know someone is 100% into a costume when they spring for the good wig. For those of you screaming “BUT WHERE’S MICHELE???“, Jessica got a friend to dress up as Michele. I know, Cash Warren really dropped the ball on that one.
Here’s more famous types from George and Rande’s Casamigos party last night. Not pictured: George and Amal Clooney. I guess they decided to shock everyone and go as a couple who didn’t want to pose for the paps.